hmmmm.....

Dear Bloggie,

I'm so sorry for not being as consistent as i was last semester....For the past few weeks, there has been a few things going on in my life....

Life has just been so like a roller coaster....one moment it's up and another moment it's down. My mood swings are pretty unpredictable nowadays....i hate it when that happens but i can't deny it. One moment friends see me crazy laughing....the next moment, i'm silent as the mosquito (donno why i use that as an analogy)....but....yah, ppl alwiz ask me wat's wrong.
Of course i oso need to say that just because i'm quiet doesn't mean that something is wrong. But, lately....hmm....unexplainable!!

Mebbe because of my intentions of putting aside BGR issues in order to get my life back on the right track...u know, it's like when u're doing a field track, u sway to other ppl's lane...and den u realise, opps, i better get back on my own track...But, u were enjoying ur run on other ppl's lane that u think u might as well continue running on other ppl's track...who know's u mite win...But, ur instructor (and almost everyone else) tells you that ur original lane is the best. Even when u dont think so...that's how life is to me now...i guess....

I know what i'm suppose to do...i know what ACTUALLY is best for me. I know i need to some stuff....i know i need God....i know i need to learn to fear HIM...i know i need to LOVE HIM with all my heart, soul and might. I know!!! And i am trying!!!! But, on the other hand, temptations and things of the world are pulling me away...and it makes trying so much more difficult. I dowan to fall into the temptations and the pleasures of the WORLD.

I want to love God before i start thinking bout loving a guy. Love God with all my heart, my soul and all my might. And therefore, i'm putting him aside first....and put God first! But, i donno whether am i denying my feelings for him anot....but, it's difficult...i see him in school.....
But, i really REALLY want to go "after" God first.....HE'S my first love....somehow, i realised that the love i have for HIM isn't as great as i would like....(meaning, to love HIM with all my heart, soul and might!)....

How?? mebbe i should avoid seeing this guy completely? or when i see him, just say hie and den dat's it? don't talk to him so much? den mebbe i can try to "forget" this feeling i have for him? what should i do?? hmmmm.....

God help me!!!!