Ecclesiastes

I found it strange that I couldn't think of anything interesting that happened to me last week. Surely, God wouldn't bore me rite? There were many interesting things that happened last week but I just couldn't share them because many of them were very private. (And trust me, I don't confide in as many people as I used to) It's just wiser to keep things to the bare minimal - at least for now.

You need to see my handphone screensaver - it's a picture of a very cute baby girl and the favourite baby in church for me and one more friend. I was missing that friend on Friday. Missing the baby too. So on my way to nav rally, I was starting to feel like taking off and going home. Because I made dinner appointments already and because I was in charge of the ice-breakers for the rally, I couldn't really leave la. So, stayed. But, God brought a very special gift. Really! This lady sat next to me and she was carrying a cute indian baby girl. (Chinese babies are cute but generally, Indian babies cannot be not cute!) And this mother had a friend who was of course trying to capture the attention of the baby. But you know what amused me? That this cute baby girl had wanted to play with me instead. She even tried talking to me. (And her mother said it was difficult to get her to talk earlier on. But now she wants to talk). The baby reached out for my hand. She wanted to touch me. She wanted to play with me. And i'm quite sure it wasn't because I'm chinese because her mother's friend was a very fair lady too. I didn't dare play with her especially when her mother wanted the baby to play with her friend. So, i just did funny faces and tried to communicate to her with baby language la. She laughed till she drooled la. It's an amazing happiness when you see babies so happy!! It was that happiness that carved a smile on me face throughout the night. :) And a few people that night asked me what makes me happy. Simple: A beautiful smile.

To know that God gives second chance warms my heart. You see, last year there was a girl I was intending to reach out to. And I had gone out of my comfort zone to care for this girl but as she started to drift away from me, I stopped pursuing too. Even when I pray for her and felt God tugging and causing me to want to reach out to her, I never took up the first step to start. I just sat back at my chair waiting for God to do something. I've ignored God's tugging a few times and yet God is still giving me a second chance. So, this girl has come up to me a few times this semester, wanting to open up to me. I am amazed. So, I am meeting her later today for lunch and I hope things will go well. Thank God that He still chose to use me even though I feel totally incapable of doing anything.

Right now, I'm just confused because my heart isn't in sync with my mind. Does the heart behave rationaly? I don't think so. But, God in His grace and love will point my mind and heart to an unconfused state in His time.

For now, I know we've lived seperate lives for a long time. Inasmuch as the heart wants something we had back, the mind knows it doesn't really want that. So, I'm torn. For what is ahead, I'll leave it to God because there's nothing really much I can do about it. All I can do as far as this issue is concerned is to pray. And as far as praying is concerned, I am also praying for you. I have been for the past 6 years and I know this will not all be in vain. You know I don't give up so easily. You know I'm pretty strong willed. I didn't give up on you 5 years ago. I won't give up now. I will still pray.

And the conclusion of the matter is this: "Fear God and keep HIS commandments" says Solomon.