It's not you

It's so unsettling.
Because I am upset.
And upsetness is irrelevent to whether you understand the situation or not.
I can't tell whether I understand or not.
I think I do. (and sympathize with you)
But many times, I think I don't.
Because inasmuch as I sympathize, I don't understand the decisions you've made.

And I am not only upset with you.
I am upset with myself.
Because I know the reason why I do not understand the decisions you've made is because I have placed judgement and expectations on you that I now know you cannot meet and it is totally unfair of me to placed those upon you.

And for all those, I am sorry - truly I am.
And I have to find a way to settle with how I am feeling because I know I cannot talk to you about it.

God, help me.

(and I can't help but feel that I'm such a terrible person for feeling this way. sigh)