My life is not my own

My ears are burning hot now and I have no idea why. Could it be heaty Shelby? hehe.

Things are happening so fast. Oh gosh. Slow down!

Today I got an email from this lady teaching in NIE(National Institute of Education). She wants to meet me. She wants to talk to me about teaching and about going into full-time ministry. I am in shock but I am planning to meet her for dinner sometime this week. We'll see how things goes.

I have my reservations for entering NIE. If people think NUS is stressful, NIE is worse. I've heard enough terrible stories of NIE to stop me from getting myself into it. I don't enjoy stress. I don't enjoy working under tremendous amount of stress. Yes, I want to get a diploma in education but I rather get it from Malaysia than in Spore. I can only teach 2 subjects - English and Malay. And then, the next question would be: do I want to teach primary and secondary school kids? We're talking about a full-time vocation here - not a part-time, for fun kinda thing. Do I really want to do that? And having been a rascal in school before, I am afraid of getting the same treatment from students like myself, or even worse. So, yes, hesitant. I have not forgotten the reason I'm majoring in English. I have not forgotten my childhood dream of being a teacher. I still want to. But, is this the path Lord?

I need to work in Singapore for the next 3 years. During which I hope to be able to get a degree from Bible Seminary as well. After the 3 years is done, I want to pursue my masters in English. NOT in NUS though. If not, they will bond me an extra 3 years. By then, I would be stranded in Singapore with no hope of being received back in Malaysia anymore. While pursuing my masters in English, I hope to be doing something close to a full-time ministry or better still, be a missionary! So how? My plan sounds good eh? Don't worry. I am hoping to get married somewhere in that plan of mine. But, these are just my plans. I don't know where God will lead me to.

I'm still trying to figure it out - step by step. But yes, I'm thinking about what God would want me to do after I graduate. It's scary. Stepping into the not-so-safe world.

And haha. I sound so boring. How come I do not plan to travel around the world? See other beautiful places that God has created? Why is it that i'm such a lover of beauty but in my plans for my future only plan to go to poverty striken places?

Like most people, I think I've gotten my ideal life plan almost all figured out. Now, the same question I ask Josh, "Where is God in all this?"
Maybe it would be better if I didn't plan for anything. No dreams whatsoever. Just live my life on a day to day basis. But then again, what's the point of living then, if there're no dreams? Sigh.

God, You lead!