Life...

Aih...the big question that probably nobody knows the answer to. Here i am sitting in front of my comp at 3:29 in the morning trying to figure out what went wrong with me!

Why am i so different from other girls? Some ppl tell me that i am precious....unique and different. Yeah YEah Yeah.....I don't really believe it u know. All that makes me different and unique are negative things. For instance, I'm loud and noisy. How unique and likeable are things like that?

And i'm so sick of ppl who go for outlook and for appearance and outward beauty. I feel treated differently because i'm not girlish girl! And because im not anywhere near/close to being girlish girls, ppl look at me and see that i do not need love. Why oh why??? I'm not just talking about romantic love. I'm talking even about being friends....no one cares....no one TRULLY cares!! But those girls who play hard-to-get are girls who are loved and liked and cared for.

I know and admit there might be a certain amount of jealousy but i'm sick and upset about it! Yeah, i'm not gentle...i'm vy independent...i'm vy assertive...i'm vy bold....i'm vy loud....i speak my mind.....I'm something that guys dont like!!

And....i AM pessimistic about getting married...I want to be optimistic about it but i think its certainly a hard thing to do lar!!!Dont talk bout getting married. Even getting a bf, i am pessimistic about!!!

I wish the world will stop giving me so much pressure....I am who i am!!!

However, I CANNOT help but admit to this: that LIFE is full of suprises. And there are ups and downs...there are things to be pessimistic about and things to be optimistic about. But, more often than not, there are many things to be optimistic about...its just that we RATHER be pessimistic. Lets live life to the fullest lor!! That's what Jesus came to earth for lor...(well, at least it's ONE of the many reasons lor!)

I am pessimistic bout the world but that cause me to see that there is nothing else i desire but Christ! and His gracious love for me keeps me speechless!! Nothing else is good but God...ALL THE TIME!! I am directed to keep my focus on Christ...to put my trust, faith and hope in the LORD and not in the world or what men (and women) can offer!!