Believe or make believe?

I'm a person who hates lies and fakeness. That's something that i do not accept and would think that i do not wish to do. Altho i do struggle a bit with lie. ESp small white lies.

I remember a few years ago...in church...i was quite close to this girl. Then, the inevitable happened. She changed. Well, it sucks!! We drifted and not close anymore. I remember using this term : she dumped me. So, i wasn't happy and i didn't want to talk to her. It came to a point where it's a hie and bye thing and i was happy to make it stay that way!! Then, she joined the fellowship that i was a member of. Well, she came in as someone of authority - a staff. So...ahh, i didnt want to go for the fellowship anymore. But, i wont let her get in the way between me and God and between me and other friends. So, i went. First day of the fellowship, she saw me and extended her arms wide wanting to give me a hug with a big smile on the face. What did i do? i just gave her a super cold look and told her "NO". Well, reason why i was cold? She didn't like me and i didn't like her. I think she changed. She prolly thinks the same of me. So, dont try to fake that BIG WARM smile and try to behave as if nothing has happened.

yeap...that was me....and the reason why i brought it up was because i AM still someone who hates pretencious ppl. And i can't stand it!!!

I'm the kind of person that if i think what u've done is wrong, i'll let u know. I'll be nice in telling u. but i will let u know. What happens after that depends on what ur reactions is to what i tell u. I dont mind being corrected and we can get into conversation in understanding what happened and why u did certain things and all that. I remembered gg thru the same thing with someone close!! I had to make a major decision in life. I was torn in between. Me friend didnt like the decision i made. I didnt like the way she reacted. well, it wasn't really for her to tell me what i shd do and what i shdn't rite? So, i didnt like it and she didn't like it....but we still pretended as if things were alrite. Until one day i behtahan edi. I went to speak to her. Asked : what happened? and then we spoke...she told me what her thoughts were and how she felt and why she acted the way she did. and i did the same. then, the make believe were all gone. WE comfortably behave and told each other the truth bout how we feel bout EVERYTHING. Isn't that healthy? The problem is that. Some ppl, unlike my friend, are not willing to talk bout things. They think "better fake things in order that she dont realise that things are weird and keep the relationship. rather than talk about it and spoil the relationship."

I'm in a situation whereby now....believe or make believe?

There was a strain in a friendship. We talked about it. Got it over. But, (i'm So ashamed to say this) i can't forgive that person - not completely!! and altho we've talked things out and things were understood but, the thing that came to mind : from now on, i'll keep my distance! Not because i hate that person. But prolly because i am afraid we'd make the same mistake and in the end, i'll get hurt! it's a painful thing!! so, i'd rather keep my distance.

Do u think my thinking is rite? what is wrong?

there's also another problem.
That person things that once all is settled, the hurt is gone. Well, the hurt mite seem small because it was only done in a matter of a few days before we talked it out. So, shd be quite small rite? Well, it's not small if I start crying over it. I'm not a small baby and i dont cry easily. I'd cry if i'm hurt and i'm angry. Haha....but yes....if i do cry over it, means its no small thing. So, i was hurt and the person who hurt me things that i'm "healed" but i dont think i am. In fact, i think i wanna keep my distance. and yet, its kinda hard to keep my distance. So, it's either i tell him the truth (and mebbe strain the friendship abit) or fake it all the way (and mebbe keep the friendship as it is). I donno what to do....

aihh.....

was it past relationships that make me so vulnerable to hurt...so fearful of being hurt...so protective over myself now? i donno.....am i still hurt?? why??? I donno....

*bleah*

ps: i'd prolly need to talk to someone about it...mebbe someone can offer a listening ear??
aagggghhh.....