*lost*

Just came back from Ipoh today. How come i didn't mention in my earlier post bout going to Ipoh? Cause it was a last minute thing??!!

When i was asked on thursday nite, i was indecisive. I know that most of the time i'm like that but gimme a benefit of doubt can anot. I wanted to go...but to go with HIS bunch of friends. I wasn't too sure! Honestly la, i've heard not too good things bout his friends...and so, i wasn't very sure. Furthermore, the initial plan was to go with some other fellas but ahh got cancelled lor. So, bleah...decide...Go or not go....In the end, i WENT! I can't really recall what's the reason of me going. I think it wanted a long drive somewhere and mebbe i was even looking for fun. I told myself, aiyah...what other ppl say bout his friends shouldn't keep me from judging it for myself wert. So, ok lor...i went.

And i must say this....i'm pleasantly suprise!! His friends were quite nice to me. Ahh. I know i'm a very loud person...extrovert la...blah blah blah. But, believe it or not, it takes a while for me to warm up wan...Anyway, his friends and sister are very interesting people. I think they really did took the effort to make me feel as comfortable as i can lor! And for that, i really thank ALL you guys very very very much!!! Haha...being older than you guys, i hope u guys didn't feel like i was the big mama....haha. But, there definitely was some sort of respect shown la...And i really appreciate that. And boy....they're nice people la. Lesson learnt : Don't judge peopple by what you hear!!

We left late for Ipoh...but it's alrite....we had fun!! Plus, the driver needed the sleep!! It was essential!! But alas, when we're ready to leave....something happened. Something that i'm not proud of. Something that left me disturbed...It was my mistake. I won't TRY to justify what i have done! It'll be easy to put the blame on someone else. But, nope. It's my fault. I won't say anything but to say that i am sincerely and truly very VERY sorry!! I look back at what i have done and i feel like slapping myself. Shit man!!! I know u're prolly not angry but BAH!! still it was my mistake. There's many things that i should have not done or should do but not gonna mention them here. I know i should leave it as it is...i know i should just forget it. And i even prayed after what happened that God will forgive me that you will forgive me. That God will restore our friendship that God will comfort you that God will do something to help both of us or rather the three of us. And it doesnt help knowing how you were feeling on that day especially after the call you made. Bleah. I say again, i'm Sorry!!

And you know what....here i am sitting in front of me comp crying...thinking what an a** i have been! I know i should leave it be and let go...But, i can't!! Prolly coz i know how it feels like to move to another chapter in life. And it sux....and while you're feeling lidat, here i come and make things worse!! And it not only concerns the two of us...it's three of us. Bleah....Sorry. Not to just you but to you too (you know la which you is you)...And you know what, reason why i can't let go is because i love you! CORNY i know. But, i do. All the effort of MANY MANY years developing the relationship - telling myself NEVER give up! We all know that developing a relationship is never easy - and with all honesty, there have been times when i feel like giving up. But, i know the relationship is worth the effort and everything. And after all that, it all come crushing down by ONE stupid mistake i made!! No words can properly describe how i feel...Bleah is an understatement.

Well, one of the reason why i didn't speak much on the way back from Ipoh. Not that i got nothing to say. Haha...Not that i want to bore you to death...but, haha!! u know la now!! Sorry yah....

but...when you dropped me off, you said : "Hope you had fun". I did! And thanks for calling me along. REALLY. I had fun!! A LOT for breakfast but still it was fun!! And not to mention, fantastic food too....And mind you, for JeeLee to say that the food was fantastic means it REALLY is good. I am not picky bout food but i am very critical bout food. Haha!! Thanks again!!!

PS: i owe you money??