Ms.Bloggie?

It's been a long time since i last blogged and there's just too many things happening. I dont really have time to blog as well.

For a start, i havent been sleeping well. For what reason i oso donno! hah!! the earliest i can sleep is at 2am..and i still have to get up at my usual wake-up time. Which is bout 7 or 8am...i mean, if i do count, i actually get sufficient sleep la...5-6 hours a day. But, i think its been for a long time liao...ever since the mid-term break, i've been sleeping late and waking up early. All thanks to the work that needs to be done. okie, i better stop complaining. But, in all these things, i realise that the LORD has truly kept to HIS word. Never leaving me nor forsaking me! in fact, i echo the story of the footprints...it was truly at those times that HE CARRIED ME!!

Many times when i need God, He's just a shout or a cry away. Telling HIM everything just carries the burdens away. I know He's there listening and He encourages me with words..with thoughts...and i'm so glad i have HIm!

Last thursday, i had a loong day....My usual thursdays are completely free. But, last thursday, i met up with a friend for lunch..had class and den met up with a few more friends to discuss on some outreach event and den had to go for bsf...wah, long day eh? full of activities...how proud i am!! (yeah RITE!) Anyway, the highlight of the day was when i met up with a friend for lunch. Well, there were some issues that i needed to "confront" him with and well, i'm kinda glad i did! i've alwiz believed in honesty and transparency. And, i can't be a hypocrite rite? So, i've decided to let my ego down and speak to that person. Furthermore, it concerns him and it's better for the friendship la! Anyway, there were certain things that was said that kept my mind wondering...thinking bout what he said and that kinda kept me distracted. NOT very happy things and even still thinking bout it now...hahah...speak to him again?
Anyway, i realised that whatever we spoke over lunch got me distracted and issue of self-esteem came back to me...and i was distracted even when i went for tutorials...met up to arrange for outreach event...even when i went for BSF!

You know how ppl say that a slip of the foot you may heal but a slip of the tongue will last forever? well, i realised when i got back frm bsf that what my friends said, what my parents said...held very deep impact in my life...NOTE: this was all said in the past and i DO NOT hold grudges or anger towards anyone that has said anything!!!We all make mistakes and so we forgive one another yah?!
Comments that were negative...comments that say i'm useless and very negative things were stuck in my head. And, as these ppl who said these things to me were very close to me, i believed every word that they say. I believed that they made such comments because they REALLY know who i am and there were voicing out their opinion on who i am! And, as i came back from bsf, i told myself: Hey, the reason why these self-worth issues come back to me again and again is because i truly believed in them! Which was totally WRONG!!! and so, the minute i reach back to my room, i dump my bag onto my bed, knelt down beside my bed and just cry out as loud as i can...renouncing all the stupid things i had behind my head about myself!! renouncing all those spirits that had a hold on me! I belong to Jesus and HIM alone!!! right after that, i felt good!! as in, i know i belong to Jesus and the devil has no hold on me!!
and therefore, the highlight was this: when i had that talk over lunch, many things bout what ppl said about me came to mind, and what went thru my mind was this : now, this fella is gonna think i'm a complete freako and i'm so darn scary!! and why on earth is this gal so darn complicated and so.....(out of words liao)...and i must admit to the fullest of truthfulness that to a certain extend, i am still afraid of what ppl will say...like, am i REALLY so complicated that i'm a hard-to-live with person? hmm...but, i learnt from my experience of talking to God and renouncing all those spirits that probably had a hold on me, that if i believe i am God's child, i need to live it out!! and be convicted of it and not let anything hold me back anymore!! Well, another thing to praise God for is this: God is good and HE will listen to my cry. When i cried out to HIM, i could feel all the anger and emotions leaving me!! and i could feel God's love just pouring into me!! which is probably the best thing anyone could ever feel!!

Besides that episode, throughout the week, the LORD has taught me many other things as well. U know, the LORD has brought ppl to me!! friends i have been praying for, the bunch of PRC fellas that we're trying to reach out to! and all that sort of thing....Pulau Ubin was tiring but many lessons learnt bout being humble and stooping down to other ppl's interest and their world and bout how to communicate to ppl of different interest and all that...
And as much as i am tired and there's so many things to do, i think the LORD has really put this impression upon my heart: He's training me for something!! For what exactly, i do not know! but, as i was praying bout commitments, the words : For you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you came to mind. And i felt so convinced that yah, truly i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and i shall make HIM my source of strength! even when i think i cannot do it anymore!! And somehow i just feel that the LORD is training me and equipping me for something greater that HE has in-stall for me in my later years...I do not know what HE has in mind for me, but i know HIS plans are great!! (jer 29:11) and i will obey HIm and go all the way for HIM man!!! and i'm kinda excited!! to see what the LORD is training me for....when i say training, i think HE's pushing me bit by bit...get out of my comfort zone...push a bit more....build me up more.....yeah lor!!!

and today, as i was preparing for the steamboat thingy in lilian's house, i kinda felt, aiyo....so tiring! imagine, pork, chicken and beef....all to slice in 2 hours....bear u, gotta clean and skin it summore!! and i was reminded in proverbs 31 about being a godly woman. No wonder in proverbs say need strong woman- and it is in physical context leh..and i told myself, if some other girl were in my shoes, can she handle it man? summore it was a blunt knife!!! ask edgar and jeremy!! wah...now i really realise what God means that we gotta be strong man!!! haha, but tat's mebbe just to feed my ego..since i think i am strong physically anyway!! hahaha....

Anyway, just to say this last thing : God is good....and as much as it is us who are unfaithful, do not be discouraged! because the LORD has promised that if we seek HIm with all our heart, we will find HIm!!! so, continue on this exciting journey with HIm!!! There are many exciting lessons to learn every single day!!! yeah lor....

Psalm 46:10 - Be still and know that I am GOD; I will be exalted among the earth!
Psalm 24:4-6 - He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to an idol, Nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive blessing from the LORd, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.