PUSH....

am i tiring myself out?

I know it sounds pretty silly if i say i dont. I know i am tired but i feel i havent put in effort because i know my capability. I know i can do much more than what i am doing now. But, i have no idea why i am so tired. Is it because of all this emotional battle (?) and this spiritual battle (?)....I dowan to boast but mommy and daddy has trained me to endure and endure....to push myself to the max and i thank them for that. I can do it!!! I can push myself.....but, should I?

I can go on for days without sleep....just gimme 30 mins nap perday and i can function liao. But, limit is 1 week lar.....or mebbe 5 days...hahah.....

I think i'm sleeping too much lately.....
I think i've not been smiling too much....
I think i've been spending too much time in the library....(All i can offer Yan Kan is my stupid, ugly, pathetic smile.)
I think i've been bothering edgar too much lately....
I think i should stop thinking....

I know what i think of myself doesnt matter and what others think of me don't matter as well.
I know I sound like I'm in deep trouble.
But, deep down in me I know what is happening and I am very clear of what is going on.
I know what i need to do and I will do so.
I know that I will take any necessary action in order that my relationship with the Lord do not suffer.
Because I know that deep deep down down HE matters A LOT to me!!

At the end of it, all i want to say is this :

I know many of you are worried for me
"Why all the weird weird posts?" you may ask
But dont worry.
I am alright.
I am not consoling myself or you.
I am really OK.

God is with me and what else i need?
God is with me and when HE is for me, then who can be against me?

Immanuel.

I am not worried.
Neither should you.

I know who holds my hands.
I know where my security lies.
I know my source of comfort.
I know my battle.
I know I have already won - Christ did it for me!

So, dont worry about me.
Do not even need to be concerned.

For I know what The Lord is doing.
And maybe you should know too.
He's pruning me.
He's refining me.
There is no need for worry.

I asked for pruning.
I asked for refining.
It is a dangerous prayer.
But I said it.
And i don't regret it.
I want to grow.
I want to learn.
I want to be who God wants me to be.
And I am happy.

I hope you all are happy with me.
I hope the Lord is happy.

:D