Emotions...

Lots of things been in my heart and mind. It's really not good trying to analyze how you feel with your brain. It does nothing good. Because you go on and on about how you think you feel when the real person who knows the condition of your heart is God.

In as much as I posted last night that I felt horrible, I had a good chat with Daniel. In a way, a good end to the day. We were talking nonsense (as usual) but we were also talking about missions and where would we wanna go. We were even talking about going for missions together, which reminded me that I've not asked WengYan whether she wants to go for mission together anot.

I had a pretty good day.

I started with group QT in the morning with some other navigators. I felt there were lots of sin that I need to repent of. There were lots of things that I've done that doesn't please God. I'm not only talking of sin that is axiomatic. But, basically not pleasing God with what I've been doing or done. When that feeling dawns upon you, you can't feel good about anything. I almost cried today when praying. But, God's abundant grace and love overpowered that sense of guilt. Not that I don't feel guilty, but I focussed on God's grace and love for me. Even, today when the sharing time started during Bible Study time, I got a little emotional. Thank God I didn't cry. That would have been a horrible sight! But, as my friends shared, I got to think about the things that have been troubling me, the things that Joshua reminded me about....the pain and hurt; the need to forgive and be forgiven; the need to be obedient (even though it might not be easy). As I prayed for a fellow brother, I got even more emotional. I felt that even through my disappointments and hurt, the pain and all that, I love my sister, I love her sooo much. She always thinks that I love my brother more than I love her. If I don't love her, I wouldn't be bothered about her, I wouldn't be praying for her, I wouldn't be doing all these things for her. There are things about my brother that my sister can learn from and vice versa. But, I definitely won't say that I love him more than I love her. Aih....I hope she knows how much I feel for her.

Great insights from Bernard and Julia though. I'm glad I was open and honest enough to share the pain that I'm going through. It's been such a long time since I opened myself to these people whom I call my support group.

Well, one of my friend whom I find support in is leaving this friday. I will miss you, my dear friend. Though we've not been friends for very long, but your constant show of care makes me feel loved and that you genuinely care for me. And I think these are the people whom I treasure a lot - those who show their genuine care and love for me. I love her.

It's nice bumping into people whom I've taken modules with and meeting them and they show their excitement to see me too. Woah! That's just awesome! :)

Today the milo truck was in the forum. For those who didn't know this already, I loooove the milo truck. Or rather, the milo from the milo truck! I was with viggy. We both shouted "Milo truck!!!" and we dashed towards it, bringing Lena along with me. hahaha....oh man, the satisfaction from it was awesome!!! As I was drinking Milo, the person that struck my mind was him. So, I messaged him to tell him about the truck. So many things reminds me of him. In as much as I don't want to be thinking of him, but I can't help it. Well, I messaged many others too about the truck! Haha....The excitement from knowing there's a Milo truck in the Forum... aaaahhhhhh.....

I remember mentioning to Edgar once when he told me about Kel. He said "She comes to me when she's sad but goes to another person when she's happy" and I said "Do you see that there's something wrong in that?" And in my situation, happy or sad, I think of him. It's been some time already since I last felt this way about someone. And for him, it's been a year and a half already. I wonder what God has install for me....

I love God sooo much.....

Ps: I had a lecturer today that said lawyers are not taught to use punctuations adequately. Is this true Mr. Lai?