Smallville - Season 4 episode 3 - Facade

Is it all a façade?

I don’t really know.
I feel like there’s so much that’s hidden in me. There’s so much to reveal but I don’t know what. I tell myself (Of course with God's prompting) that I need to be the real me,that was the 2006 year resolution.

Now, the question that leaves me dumbfounded : But, who is the real me? Do I really really know?
I’m not too sure.

I want to cry out “God, show me that my heart is good and that my heart matters to You!” Yet, my heart aches too much. It’s been through the wilderness. Out of the wilderness, it comes out injured. I gather leaves and herbs to heal it. But, it leaves a scar. I might not notice the scar because often I’m in denial. I WAS in the wilderness. I WAS hurt. But, I’ve been healed. It’s all in the past. There’s no way I’m still hurting. There’s no way there’s still something there that twigs a little when it’s poked. It’s fine! or so I think....

But but but, I know that it’s not because it’s been haunting me lately. And when it does, I feel like I’m sinning. I’m going back to the past. I’m committing my sin over and over again. I’m going through the wilderness out of my own disobedience. I’m going to get hurt again. I cannot do that. I need to get out. I cannot sin again.

So, I run as far as my legs can take me. But, what if God is answering my prayer? What if I really need to go back to the wilderness and to the hurt in order to discover the real me ; to discover that my heart is good and that my heart matters to God? What if God wants to show me the reason behind my sinfulness? What if all this is necessary?

Will I be willing to pay this cost? Will I be willing to be hurt once more to come out more triumphant and my scar totally removed?

If my heart is full of scars, then I really am oblivious to the beauty that’s suppose to be in existence. Then, I’m living below many layers of untruth. I'm like shrek. I am like onions. Then, it’s all a façade.

If it is all a façade, then there’s much to be unveil.

Am I willing to unveil it all?

Am I willing to come out of this façade?