Hearts

The whole of yesterday was blogging day! Hah! It was pretty weird because i was still feeling crappy over the whole "bye bye" thing. And we all blogged about it. All of us who keeps a blog lar. Too bad Daniel and Liyee don't keep a blog. If not, we'll all get to see the whole trip in all different ways. Amazing isn't it? We all went through the same thing but all see things in different light and all blog about it in different perspective. Well, MunOnn will understand what i mean. :) Chris' was more on general. Shelby's had a lot of hidden meanings. Jon's was more based on the things that he held close to his heart - r/ship and friends. Mine was just plain reporting. Haha...I'm a boring blogger.

Many things has been on me mind and heart lately. Some troubling ones and some pleasant ones. It only goes to show what I hold precious to my heart.

On our last nite in Penang, I had a chance to talk to Topher, Liyee and Daniel. And i was just mentioning to Topher that someone once spoke to me and said that we have already made our best friends by the time we reach uni age. B4 i left for Singapore, i was hoping that i'd make friends that will last forever since we so often hear of heart-throbing stories of long-lasting friends made from uni days....so, i tot, mebbe i'd find one too. However, after quite some time, i was feeling a bit down that i not found friends that were the long-lasting friends type. So, i mentioned to someone that i was feeling a bit down. Not only there are no such friends but friends here are kinda superficial too....and so me friend mention that to me...that if i'm looking for best friends, for long-lasting friends, i've already found them... And that was what i told Topher and Liyee....We've made our best friends by the time we reach uni!...And i know i have and i know who they are...:)

U know, with all the fun things that we've done in the past one month that i've been back home, it's gonna be difficult when i'm back in Singapore. There'll be so many things that I'll miss....And when people ask me about the future, i really wish i can be back here after my studies are over and of course after i've completed my bond. I'm not saying that my Singaporean friends mean nothing to me. They do. I love them. I don't want to lie and dowan to take it for granted that they already know. So, here i mention. Lilian, Gloria, Beverly, Jeremy, Sarah, Noel, Edgar, Miffy, HuiLi....u guys are the people i really thank God for. Whether or not i tell you guys, u should know that u guys are special!!! :)
Anywayz, as much as Singapore and Malaysia is very similar in many ways, we are also very different in many areas. I can't explain how but it's different and i definitely prefer what i get from Malaysia. And of course i really wish i can come back here. Singapore's special for their own thing and Malaysia is special for their own thing. I've just been brought up in Malaysia all my life, how can i then not love my own country - the place i call home?!

Yet, while i'm wishing that to happen, I wonder what God's plan for me is. He was the one who sent me to Singapore. I don't even know what are His plans like. I see how by sending me He has drawn me much closer to Him - to rely on Him, to trust Him completely, to serve Him, to find HIM my rod and staff, to find comfort in Him....And looking at the things that He has put me through, i know He is slowly but surely training me. He's pushing me limits - getting me ready. Ready for what, i don't know. What i am capable of doing, i also donno. The way i see myself is that i don't think i can do much for Him. I'm a nobody. I'm probably one who brings much shame to Him, someone who do not bring glory to His name. Bleah. But, at the same time i also know that God don't need someone who is perfect....Looking at the Bible, i know that God chooses ordinary people, sinful people like me to do His work. So, on one hand, i'm looking forward to see God use me! To see see what He wants me to do. I'm excited and want to see it all happen. I want to serve Him to the max! To be part of His great big plan. I know this paragraph alone is confusing. Now u see where i am. Can somebody tell me what's my problem? Is there a problem?? I love Him and want to serve Him. And i enjoy it - what i have with the Lord is precious. It's something that i won't want to give up for anything else that the world can offer. But, i'm a hypocrite!!! I hate myself man!!! I hate it when i say that i love Him but yet at the same time, i do nothing about strengthening my relationship with HIM. JeeLee's an idiot!!!!!

Apart from that, I thank God for all that He has blessed me with. The many gifts that i have. I dowan to brag but these are the things i give acknowledgement to the Lord for. The gifts that He's given me. Nothing that i deserve and sometimes not even a good steward of what He's given me. But, i thank Him no matter what for all that He has given me. For example, the way people feel comfortable when they are with me, the way i so often make people laugh, the people person that i am, the so-called leadership quality that some see in me, the way people feel comfortable to share things with me, blah blah blah..everything la....

Not only all these gifts.....

People in my life......Family who is ever so sweet and supporting...family members who are open and expressive. Mom and dad who cares and forever supporting me! Siblings who understands and supports me in everything and siblings who respects me! Friends - who understands, always supporting, friends who lends a listening ear, friends who encourages, friends who pray for me, friends whom i've known for long, friends whom i've been close to in matters of a few weeks/months, friends whom i've known exist for a long time but became closer after a while...Ah,U guys know how much i appreciate friends and you all lar.....

I'm taking super long to blog this.....my feelings a bit all over here and there.....
Are u confused now??? Seeish......

SQUAT!!!