Good day!!

Don't you think that my past few posts (including this one) has been all nice and happy posts?

Things or circumstances have not changed a lot. It might have slighty. But, it's nothing that is big and major enuff to make me SMILE. But, I really really know that God is good and He has been beside me these few days and I just can't deny His presence. He has just been there for me! And for His presence and for making it KNOWN. It has been awesome!!

Ask me if i had a good day, I can't say No!! It has been - how can it not be when i spend my days knowing that God is with me all the way? Yes, trials and suffering come my way (and even slight depression) but can i deny that God is good? Can i deny that God is with me? NO!!! I definitely can't!!!

Today again, it has been a good day.

But, I have no idea why I am feeling the way i am now - not-very-happy.

I came home seeing someone in the house in tears. I asked with care and concern "What's wrong?" She tried real hard to tell me but because of the hurt that has just scar her, she just can't come to say what happened. I said sorry. I dowan to be poking my hands and head into everyone's life. But I care! Bev persistently asked her while i just sit there and do nothing about it. I don't want to force her to tell. I mean, if she is crying and if she feels real bad about it, maybe she just wants to cry it all out but might not be too comfortable sharing. So, i didnt want to bug her! I thought I wouldn't like ppl to bug me when i'm hurting and crying. Maybe later but not when i'm crying. So, I didn't do anything. In the end, she spoke to Bev about her situation. I felt, ahh...do i not care enuff? hmm...i donno. Maybe i might have appeared to her as if I didnt care. I'm sorry if i did that. I care. Lots. I just thought u might want your space.

Went to change my train ticket to go home. I will leave after encounter weekend on the 19th. Will spend my birthday at home. My 21st birthday. Aih.....I get all crazy over other ppl's birthday. For my own, i dont even think its worth celebrating!! I want to celebrate it here wit my Singaporean friends too, but I dont think anyone would remember. Except prolly Bev - that's cause she's my mentor. But other than that, i think the rest prolly can remember because i've been making so much noise about it. Aih!!! I am such a nusance!!

I don't like the way you touch me. I know you're gentle and all that but I'm not a very touchy person. I don't like to be touched. I am being a nusance again!

Sorry Grace. I didn't mean to be so cold. I was having a lot of things in my mind. I just can't think straight. I am so sorry!!!

I know ppl get it bad from me. Because I am normally so noisy and to see me quiet is weird and I am sorry.

I guess, I'd be lying if i said u had nothing to do with how i am feeling. You know what I want. If you think I'm not giving it to you and if you once think that I cant accept what you have to offer because of "political" reasons, then even now when I have taken off that perception and want to be what you say you are to me, you are not making it easy for me. You know how it feels when you want to give but the other party does not reciprocate? That's exactly how i am feeling now. I don't know why but it hurts...I know its gender differences. Aih....it hurts...OOuccHH! At the same time, I dowan to be a burden to you. So, it's alrite la...let it be....God will settle everything! :D

I feel I haven't been faithful! Aaahhh......Sorry Lord!!