I wonder too

I thought I’m just tired. But something else is happening that I’ve been reluctant to admit. I do not know the cause of it. It’s just there. Sometimes, I wish I don’t need to bother about these things that happen.

People have been asking me “So, how have you been?” and I am speechless. Honestly! Well, all I say is that “I’m tired” but when people’s curiosity (or shall I say concern) goes beyond my comfort zone, I give them my blank face or a smile that seems to say “Don’t ask more please”. I’m thankful, however, that people have been sensitive enough to not push me beyond my comfort and persue matters. J I know it’s just a matter of time before I need to look deep into my heart. It’s been quite a while.

Maybe Cuong is right. Maybe I do look unhappy.

Maybe I really need After Eights! Hah!!

We’ll see….

I’ve not been sleeping well. I’ve been dreaming too much. Yeah. That explains my tiredness?

Today, it hit me.

Liren will be gone. James will be gone. Noel will be gone.

I won’t be seeing Liren in school for the next semester. No more calls from liren and no more calling him. This is quite sad for me. He is my friend. He is my confidant.

Studying together with James for the past semester have been rather fun. That section in the library has been the place I go to if I just need company. Well, he’ll be gone. I wonder whether there’ll be a place in the lib I can go to if I just need company next semester. Next semester.

Noel. Though our friendship might not be as solid as my friendship with the rest of my Bible Study group members but I really appreciate him for the honesty in our friendship, even at difficult times. He’ll be gone too. One whole semester.

I don’t know about other people. But if there is a family for me in Singapore, it would definitely be Monday BS grp (which shall be known as Monday GC from now onwards). And now, they are thinking of separating the group. Honestly, I am quite sad (Hah! The understatement of the year!). I don’t want the group to separate because it’s been my family, my comfort, my support group. And now, we’re suppose to separate. Sigh. Maybe I really shouldn’t bother so much. Maybe the group don’t matter that much to the rest. Maybe it’s just me. It’s alrite then. I will learn to let go. I know our group can divide and grow…but I’m still heartbroken that our group will split. Sigh. I shall no longer talk about this. I promised Ann that I’ll stay in Singapore one more day so that she will come for the meeting tomorrow. But, I really don’t want to be there for the event. I don’t want to talk about it.

Furthermore, my other comfort won’t be around anywhere in close proximity with me anyway. Looks like comfort will be much lesser….

Suddenly, I don’t feel like staying in Singapore for even another day.