The heart

Today was a day of good rest and just spending time with God. I contemplated going to a park in the evening, but when I look out my window, it threatened to rain. So, I relented and stayed home instead.

You know, I've been strangely poetic these few days. I don't know why. Hmmm….

Last paper coming soon, and I'm half way into my holiday mood already. Sigh. This happens every semester because usually, I have a pretty long break between my 2nd last paper and my last paper. So, I go for a short break before resuming my mugger mood for my last paper but alas, with less enthusiasm. I must remind myself to not let down my guards - must remember that this last paper is also an offering to God and therefore, I should give in my 100%. No less.

I often go into a mood where I want solitary. Inasmuch as I am quite a people person and I'm sociable and all that, I find myself increasingly becoming introverted. I then find myself wanting to keep things to myself and even wishing that people do not ask. Or if you ask, you shall not expect me to tell you. Not the best of attitude right?! Sigh. I know. I was just reading "Waking the Dead" by John Eldredge. And one of the points he made about being fully alive in Christ was to have a group of people whom I find fellowship with and I realised that inasmuch as I (think) already have such a group of friends, I realise too that I am not open to widening my circle of such a community. Maybe because I don't see anyone else with whom I am comfortable with or maybe I see that they rather have their own community elsewhere. It's not easy. It's not easy for me to get comfortable with people - to the extent that I would pour out my life to you. It's really not easy. But, I shall try even though it's not easy. One thing that really keeps me from opening up is when I feel all you want to do is to help me. But, what I really want is that you love me and then help flows from there. But I also know that how I feel should not hinder me from opening up to people. Ya.

Fellowship of the heart : 1) A need to have a small group (2) It is available (3) It must be intimate (4) It will be messy (5) Fight for that community

It's something I have to learn. To be vulnerable even to people I am not very comfortable with. Lord, teach me and may I open my heart to be taught.

Proverbs 4:23 - Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Ya….

Above all else…above all else…