-update-

Hah! It’s been a few days since I last blogged. I’m back in Singapore already. I reached on Monday morning. VIP like me must have ppl fetch me wan….of course, Beverly and Jeremy had the honour of doing that. Hehe….But, no. Seriously, it was really nice of them to come and pick me up. I don’t think my ankle can take the weight of me bag!! Hehe….Anyway, yeah…so, went to Bern’s house….it looked so new!! Everything was in place and so neat…..A LOT of difference. Hehehe…..So, we started our one week of Matric Training that day itself. It was a very meaningful day. I was ministered to. We didn’t really have “TRAINING” but instead we had a time of searching our hearts and of seeking and worshipping God and of course ETWG (Extended Time With God). I’ve always look forward to sessions like that – knowing that I will not leave the place empty handed but knowing very well that God will speak to me. At times I’ll end up crying at times not. My ETWG was great! I didn’t cry but God really spoke to me.

I didn’t even know that I was struggling with the issue that God decided to confront me with. I know I haven’t been feeling on top of the world for the past few days or mebbe even weeks… Before I left, a friend probably “revealed” one of the reasons why I’m kinda down – insecurity. And so, I thought that “ok lor…mebbe I really am insecure and that’s the reason why I’m down.” So, I left it as that….

Then, when I was having ETWG and just talking to God and seeking Him and asking Him to search my heart as well, something was revealed to me concerning the reason of down-ness. The (probably) main problem was because I felt that I was letting God down. Of all people that I could disappoint, I choose to disappoint God. JeeLee isn’t very smart!! So, yeah….I felt that the past one month, I have put many many many things above my God – the One whom I call my best friend, the ONE whom I call my first love, the ONE whom I call my master, the ONE whom I call my Lord. I was reading 2 Tim 2: 20- 3:5 and in there the verse that struck me most was v20 and v21 “Now in a large house there are not only gold and silver vessels, but also vessels of wood and of earthenware, and some to honor and some to dishonor. Therefore, if a man cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.” And by reading these verses, I want to be a vessel useful for Him. I dowan to be a decoration item! And from my past one month holiday, I have definitely not been putting HIM first in my life – how on earth is that honoring HIM? I skip QT, I didn’t honour my parents as much as I would want to, the things that I did was probably not the things that God was superbly pleased with. What my dad said was right “JeeLee, just because you’re on holiday doesn’t mean that your walk with God is on holiday…” Oh man!!! I’m So So Sorry Lord!!! And as I read on (during my ETWG), 2 Tim 3: 2-5 “...For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God; holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; and avoid such men as these.” I felt that I fit MORE than ONE of the description above. And oh man, people are advised to avoid people like me. Oh No!! I REALLY REALLY have been a disgrace and a dishonor to HIM. SQUAT!!!!

Not a very good note rite? But, u know what…..Yes, I cried because I felt like shit but yet at the same moment, I felt grateful to God. Grateful because in the moment of “you squat!” , I felt that God was telling me that He will use me and it’s not too late. At least, I realize it. Of course, I said me sorries…..and the 2 songs that came to mind was “Approved in everyway” (Sorry, can’t remember what number in SOP 786?) and “when it’s all been said and done” (SOP 815)

I want to be your servant Lord,
To serve you each and every day
I want to give my best to you,
Approved in everyway.

Make my life a living sacrifice,
The way You want it to be,
To serve you with all my heart
Whatever the cost to me
Take me, break me, Mould me lord
As the potter shapes the clay
Pleasing you in all I do
Approved in everyway.

I’ll stand before your righteous throne
To hear “thou good and faithful one”
“Well done” from the Master’s lips,
Approved in everyway

“When it’s all been said and done” (SOP 815)

When it’s all been said and done,
There is just one thing that matters,
Did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for You?

And yes, to the questions in “When it’s all been said and done” is probably a big fat NO. But, I’ve cried over it. And no point crying over spilt milk. I’ve gotta rededicate my life back to Him. Say my sorry and tell God and myself that I’ve gotta get up and do my best to life for truth because this life I’m living is for HIM!!! To those who read, lemme encourage you – go check out that song, SOP 815 “When it’s all been said and done” because that song tells you what in the end really matters!!!!

And because this post is so long…..and it’s only been a report on ONE day. Haha……
And believe me, today is more memorable!!!!! So, haha….another post!!!!!