Thank U Lord

I donno why the title of my post is what it is. I just felt like putting that.
Not that I dowan to thank God for all that has happened. Of course I have lots to thank God for.

This week basically didn't start out too well. Was feeling all weak and weary. Talked to Liren and cried. ok, not BooHoo cried...just, teared! I guess, there are painful things that's happening. I'm not gonna say that life is all goody and I'm not hurt by anything. Coz that will be lying. But, if i also say that God hasn't been good, then i am also lying!

Eg: On monday, i was darn depressed, met Liren and had the chance to talk. Wasn't very happy with the way james asked me to speak out more but i also know that that was something that the Lord has been telling me to do. But, i just feel that i have nothing to say anyway. So, why say?! ok...God is correcting that thought. But, yes, i am a very insecure person. I think that the person I like has his eyes on some other person. I think I can contribute nothing to the SpiritandWord group, in my Soci tutorial, in the nav exco....Yes, God is correcting.

On tuesday, had a good presentation. I was darn happy. Haha!! I was very ME during the presentation. U know how ppl are alwiz so serious during their presentation? I wasn't!! haha...As in, i did my work lar..i definitely did! I mean, come on la. It was about India, u think i will not do a good work? muahaha. BIAS!!! Anyway, i was being so comfortable presenting as the JeeLee u know me to be. And, at the end of it, my classmates were satisfied with my presentation. Someone even said i did a very thorough work. yay!! Tutor was pretty satisfied with it as well. So, was darn happy. Den, had a ELang project meeting. Ok, not project meeting but we had to prepare for our presentation thats on Thursday. I dislike the module coz it's PHONOLOGY. It's funny during lecture coz u hear all of us trying to make up the sounds that we usually say and at the same time trying to feel and figure out what are the parts of articulation (Just to use an phonology term). Saw him. He said "Hie" - i'm easily pleased. I was happy. But, he didn't seem too happy. Like something was bothering him. hmm...wonder what was it. :(

On wed, was darn late for exco devotional. Was darn irritated at myself! I almost didnt want to go already. I was close to 30 minutes late!! I alwayz alwayz get very very irritated with myself when i'm late. Anyway, went there and found out that many were still missing. Ish! but, ok....nvm...wasn't so irritated after that. Had a good time worshipping God. Had a few burning verses to share but didn't. Again, i felt that nothing good can come out the mouth of Lye Jee Lee. I'm still struggling. Decided after that not to go for social variation class coz i know i'm so tired that i know i will definitely fall asleep during lecture. And the prof has asked us to not sleep in class before coz its kinda demoralising for him. So, better not go than go there and sleep rite? So, went to central library and studied with Jeremy. At 2pm, went to see Dr. Mohanan (my phonology lecturer). She was meeting Adeline and Serene when we went there. So, we decided to go to canteen and den come back later. Met Gerald Chew (my previous sem's Theathre Studies Practical instructor). And den, walking down the stairs, i fell!! I acted as superwoman and flew a few steps down! Badabum!!! OOOUuuCChhh....PAIN!!! Yes, I landed on my knee. ouch! It was darn painful. Nvm...went to canteen to have lunch. We (me and Janice) were darn hungry la. Walked down to canteen and i thought i saw his head pop up when he saw me. NVM! I walked past him. He said "hie" and i said "hie" and gave him a squeeze on his arm - the usual JeeLee thing eh! Had a quick lunch and den went back to see dr.Mohanan and it was a good meeting. Coz, we were mainly on the right track! ANd, she gave us CHocolates!!! HOW cool is that!! She's so nice. No wonder adrian says he likes to see her. haha...after meeting her, i studied in the canteen. Had a good time staring at someone. Muahaha....But somehow, got pretty depressed after that. I got SOOO depressed that i couldn't smile. Oh wait. I think i could. Coz no one in the household noticed anything. But, I was soo depressed that i cried when i was sitting in front of Gloria and Bev. Of course, i covered my face la. So, they didn't notice anything. Hehe...Anyway, it was a bit depressing. ok, not a bit, A LOT!

THursday, the day that i have a crazy day! Didn't meet him. Had a test. I think it was alrite. I've alwiz liked Phrase Structure. Don't mind the drawing of the trees. Can be challenging but fun! Presentation was ok. Not as fun as my Tuesday presentation but it was alrite. My leg ached like crazy. Every step i took, it ached. man! What was wrong? By the time it was 6pm, i was already limping. I couldn't stand it!! Haha....literally! So, Gillian got a bit worried coz i was not walking properly. Probably the pain showed in my face as well. It was darn painful ok! Saw Eunice, talked a bit. Just wanted to ask her how has she been. I've been praying for her. :) Had quite a good time at BS. Yeap! Nope, didn't see him still. So, went home...did my stuff till about 2 plus in the morning.I was hunting high and low on the net for Emily Matthews peoms. They are real nice. Yeah, many many ppl don't know the lit person i can be. Ok, not as lit as many ppl but i enjoy reading - novels, poems, plays...I have a Blake's poem book, Compilation of Emily Dickinson's but no Emily Matthews...SAD :( Den, went to bed.

Friday, Couldn't wake up. So, skipped tutorial. Since skipped tutorial, mite as well skip lecture oso lar. So, i stayed home. Slept like a pig since i needed it. Woke up and had my qt. Had maggi mee for lunch. Lazy to cook la. I can't stand for such a long time anyway. Watched "I not stupid" for 20 minutes. Den, started with work! At about 4pm, left home to go meet Karen. I meet her every week. James call it PT (Personal time - it's like discipleship time). I donno what to call it. It was good! :) Was darn encouraged by God!! Went for rally. I can't do maths for nuts! We had a math game for ice-breakers! And to think we had a math major and not an ordinary math major, a prodigy! but, it's alrite..haha..It was nice to see Timothy being so ON about it tho! Good rally! Good speaker!! Nowadays, i prefer to pray alone. I donno why! Hmm....And, pride took control again. U see, it is a VP's duty to be in charge to celebrate birthdays. The last time i didnt do it because it was my birthday. I must admit, i was a bit upset then, coz i was all on about doing it liao. But, it's alrite. Today, they all (the staff) asked me "eh, u're doing the birthday thing rite?" and i said "yes". :) I even approached the mc and said "remember birthday celebration ar". I thought he will pass the time to me, as it is usually the case. Well, i was wrong. He did the announcement himself. U know, I was disappointed. Honestly, i feel that all the things that are so called VP's job, are alwiz taken by others. When i say VPs job, i am referring to what Gloria used to do when she was VP. Last week's rally i felt that way. THis week's rally oso i felt it. I may be pride. I hate it when i fall into being proud. And, i can't help but feel that people think i'm not ON for the job. And den comes a deeper sin - i question "THEn, why am i the VP?" I'm the only one in the whole entire exco who is not doing anything for NAv!! Wah, this sux man! I hate it when i feel that way. I struggle with it. But i still fall! Aihh....Lord, may You please forgive me!! I'm sorry Lord! I know that waaay deeep dooown, i feel that as long as Your will is done, even if i had a contributing factor to it or not, it shouldn't bother me. So long as Your name is glorified can edi!! but, I am not able to take on that mentality sometimes. So, Forgive me O LORD...

I'm sinful and I am weak. I fail Him over and over again! Sorry Lord. Help me to cling on to u daily. :) My aim : to glorify U in everything!!! Strengthen our relationship O Lord. Nothing else is more important!! :)I Love You Lord!!!

And to all who received the mail about the change in address, ermm...sorry i flooded it with the whole siew yuk thing. haha....but remember, i am easily satisfied? I go to MunOnn's blog and look at the siew yuk picture we took during supper on the last nite i was back in KL. Our last supper - until many more years when we will see each other again. So..haha, edgar, DON'T go and buy siew yuk! If u read this, DON'T go! COZ i will feel really REALLY bad!!! The fact that u want to buy it for me is like a darn big thing for me edi. I'm darn grateful! but still, DON'T!!!! PLEASEEEE....

God, i know u're doing something! I know it....Let me not procrastinate in doing the things u want me to do. But, can u please do me a big favour? The guilty thingy after Thursday? I know U want me to do it. I want to do it as well. But, haha. Haven't found the time to do it yet. So, please?

I'm horrible!
God is gracious!