God loves me very much....

I am supposed to feel encouraged. For some reason, i am not. For that reason, i am sorry LORD!! You see, this morning, me and Jeremy prayed for encouragement from the Lord pertaining SKG. We prayed that many people will join us to study. Now that the day is over, i testify that God has been so darn encouraging coz He brought soo many people to SKG today!!!

On Monday, I remember saying i want to see a friend who has this really inviting and encouraging smile. I finally saw him today. :) I did not feel as i thought i would have felt. But, i was pleased. Thank You Lord....

Sarah and I have been having meals together everyday and yet when we bump into each other accidently, we behave as if we've not seen each other in weeks. Its really funny! She's been a real babe lar! She's not the best kind of friends but I appreciate her nevertheless. :)

I encouraged Liren to go for our mon bs fellowship time tmr. Giving him all sorts of reasons to go. Later, it was my turn to feel like not going. Liren came into the discussion room and spoke to me. I said "Bro, now I don't feel like going" Haha.....He felt a bit cheated. Haha, coz our bs leader called him and he said he'll go. Now, here I am telling him I'm not going. Ahh....anyway, it's not like he's going because i'm going, so it doesn't really make any difference lar! :) Am i going? I'll decide tmr.

My QT this morning was about relationships. Haha, i wished it wasn't but it was! So, it was the super popular verse lar. Proverbs 31:30 - Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised and also the very familiar passage when the servant of Abraham was asked to go and get a wife for Isaac. Somehow or rather, i "learnt" that the Lord will provide, maybe even someone better than what we want/ask for. So, then I think, maybe the Lord is telling me to forget about this someone and He will provide someone better. Then i recall of all the things that i want in a husband. And I think he is better than what i've wanted or ask for (so far). Gives me a reason to wonder whether is it him or not. I haven't asked God yet whether it is him or not. Emotionally not strong enough to do that (That's quite a rubbish statement rite?). I used to pray that God will speak to him if it's meant to be. I wouldn't know whether God has said anything to him unless he tells me right? But, I myself have not asked the Lord to speak to me about it. Maybe i'm just too scared to hear what He has to say. I don't know. I'm a chicken little. haha....

While my mind is on this whole issue of what I am dreaming of, my father sends me this article that says a little on dreams.

Is your dream fading? Do you sense it is about to disappear? Has your dream already faded? Hear the Lord, "Be strong and courageous .... get ready ... I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you... Be strong and courageous."

Faded dreams can be reborn. Get ready. God is still God.

This dream that i am thinking of refers to him. Yeah, I dare not hope, dare not dream anymore cause it hurts so much. Am i suppose to continue hoping? Be strong and courageous?? hmm...

Jeremy witnessed something yesterday. I told Sarah. I wished it didn't happen. But it did. It's alrite. :)

Ronglong made a funny statement about me today. I guess, to a certain extent its true. But I didn't know or realise that it was so obvious. No one else of course made that statement but he did....haha.

I went to the co-op today with Jeremy. He said He wanted to play winning eleven. I went along with him. Hui Li's eyes opened wide as she asked me "JeeLee, you're going down to play winning eleven?" haha..."Of course not lar! I am the one who tells Jeremy and Jie Yao not to play. So, how can I go and play now!"
Normally,whenever i enter the co-op, the first thing i notice is the table that normally has this stack of English Literature books. Today, there wasn't literature books on the table. Instead, it was comic books!!!! I was flabbergasted!!! Went over and was hoping against hope that there would be a Peanuts comic book. The ones i recognise was Dilbert and Calvin and Hobbes. I used to like Calvin and Hobbes very much too. Picked up a book and read it and laughed out so loud I was rather afraid that someone heard me. Haha...( I will normally walk to the shelf of books and pick up a compilation of John Donne's poems. He writes very well. :))Den, Jeremy calls for me from the other end of co-op. I was wondering what is it about or in co-op that is making Jeremy so excited lar. Then, i see my dearie Sarah....hahaha....She grabbed my arm and brought me to the chocolate sections in co-op. I picked up m&m and told her, "I still remember you buying the Peanut Butter m&m for me the day after i told you i go nuts over peanut butter" :) Hehe....

My back still hurts....my stomach still hurts....

My eating habits have gone haywired. I can eat a lot for breakfast and lunch. But, i won't feel hungry at all for dinner. So, i haven't had dinner for the last 3 days. Crazy rite? I don't really know why exactly. I've been drinking lots of Pepsi too. Aih!

My head hurts....

I'm missing my family loads lately. Especially JeeVern. I've always grown up wanting a big brother but i've 2 little brothers. JeeVern is very much like me. I miss him. I miss the way he makes me feel loved. I miss the way we come up with all sort of mischief and play it on JeeLeng. ;p And how when me and JeeLeng play all sort of mischief on JeeVern but he never gets angry. hehe....missing those football sessions, the eating sessions, the talking sessions. Somehow! Aih. Don't get me wrong, i miss the rest of the family VERY MUCH too....but this time, especially JeeVern. That's alll......

:)

It's alrite if i feel a bit unloved. Coz i know in reality there are people who loves me. It's just the feeling rite. It's alrite.....