Peanuts....

Today wasn't really suppose to be this way.

I was frustrated a bit this morning when i woke up because my back still hurt, my stomach still ached and i didnt' get to sleep. I tell u why. ok, part of the reason, i donno la. Haha! I just couldn't sleep. Den, i had one thing in my mind. I was sharing a bit with gloria before i went to bed last nite and she gave me something. It's a little clip that says "Pray for India" and den she told me she gave it to another guy who also have a heart for india. And i said, "GLORIA, INTRODUCE!!!!" And she went on and on about how nice this guy is. GLORIA, introduce!!!! haha....and he's got a nice name. Ephraim! ahhh....hahah. Well, i guess, partly i was trying to imagine whether ephraim is good looking anot and partly i was also thinking about the whole India thingy. Remembering what i think God said about a partnew who has a heart for India too. hmmm.....

I woke up this morning and asked God to cheer me up a bit. I had a slight inkling that i mite not be very happy. So, i said, can i see someone with a charlie brown shirt. The yellowish, orangie shirt with the zig-zag across his shirt. That'll be the cutest guy ever!! and when i see him/her, i'll go up to him/her and tell her (s)he's been sent by God! haha.... :) Of course, I had my eyes looking out for such a person but no such person appeared. NVM!

Anyway, i met up with my dearie sarah for breakfast this morning. And she pops me this question "Can i be with Giles?" and i look at her and said "no!" Haha...it's a LONG LONG story la. But the way she phrase the question oso a bit funny. "CAN???" it's like, asking me permission. Man, i have no authority over your love life but it was really humbling that she sees me as someone to keep her accountable on this issue. I said "don't ask me man. What did God say?" And the whole conversation went on and on about how she should put God first even if it hurts like crazy. Even it's been our desires for ages long. Even it seems like we're the one not giving it a try. I told her the hurt i was (and probably am) going through as well. In the end, nothing matters. What matters is that whether have I feared God and kept His commandmants. Have i walked right. Have i grown in HIM. And bottom line is that whatever it may be, be it love life, be it finance, be it studies, where is God and have i grown in HIM and Am I walking with HIM? ahhh.....i donno.....when these struggles are so real and i know what she is going through, i just felt like telling her that i love her so much to see her hurt in the end and all i want is for her to live her life the way it pleases God, the way God wants it to be and that she may find joy in being obedient too.

I had a few things poking me head today. It sux. And i didnt even realised i was showing it. I was talking to a friend and he asked me whether i was ok anot. I unknowingly was letting it out to him, picking on everysingle thing he said. Well, if you are reading this, i'm truly very sorry. I had NO right to have treated you the way i did! I'm a horrible person!! (altho, there were some truths to what i said). See la, i so chicken that i can't even admit it infront of u. CHICKEN!!! aih.

2 hours after my breakfast, i'm hungry again. Sarah msges me and say, if hungry we go eat, i said no la...need to study...15 minutes after that, i msg her back saying, kenot tahan liao....EAT! So, we rushed. Two hungry ghosts....haha......Well, something sweet happened to her. Give u a bit of background on whats happening, she's confused about 2 guys. Giles and Eric. Eric calls her all the way from Aussie. And as we were walking to the canteen to eat she says "JeeLee, i don't know why this happens all the time but everytime when i'm depressed or confused, Eric will call - RIGHT at that time!" Ah...

Suprisingly, today i wished i saw a friend. I know he'll be giving me a wide smile. A smile that comforts. A smile that no one can give. A smile that will set a lot of things straight. Not the sweetest of smiles i've seen but i just wished for that smile. But, i didn't see that friend of mine. Haha....yeah, kinda miss that smile! The smile that greets you and invites you to pour your heart out. Not many people has that kind of inviting smile. It's a gift! :)

It's good to see james back in school! :) I don't know why i'm so happy to see him finally back in school. But, it's good to see u again jamie!!!

Julia just called and we spoke. Yes, i poured out to her (finally) of why i am so quiet during BS these days. Didn't want to tell her wan but i felt no fault in telling her also lar. I've been not allowing her to step into my life. Honestly, i don't trust her 100% that she wont go and tell someone about how i feel but yet at the same time i know i need help! Haha, the jeelee that never shuts up now have a problem with opening her mouth during bible study! can u believe it?? it's unbelievable lar!!!

i'm praying for friends, i'm praying for the bible study girls, i'm praying for myself, i'm praying for family,i'm praying for navs...I'm sorry i haven't been praying for church these days. Will put that down again! Aih, see this unfaithful child! I need prayers too....I need God's help...I am nothing without God! Nothing.

The times when i think what it would be like without God, i get so scared coz i know i cannot imagine myself without God. I cannot imagine! I don't want to imagine!! It's too terrifying. No!!!!

I'm gonna sleep soon. I've gotta get up by 7am tmr because we're gonna study together. And once again i will pray that God will encourage me. It shouldn't discourage me but when i see other people studying elsewhere than with us, I do get discouraged. I should learn to not demand so much! I'm such a demanding person. No wonder until now oso no bf. NOW i know!! haha, see la the excuses i make.....

okay! Goodnight.

I'm craving for ice-creams and a good packet/plate of chicken rice! haha....

It's alrite....my food cravings are not meant to be satisfied anyway! And, i'm saying it after monday so no one can buy it for me. :)
And, i've got Peanuts comic strips to make me laugh! :)

Ciaoz.......