I will always love you - Whitney Houston

I was just looking at the songs that i have in my Windows Media Player and I was looking for a song that might be able to put in words and music what i am feeling. And i guess, this song says it all...

On one hand, i love you. On the other hand, i know you're in love with another girl. So, i'm leaving.

If I should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way

Bitter sweet memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So goodbye, please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you need

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you dreamed of
And I wish you joy and happiness
But above all this I wish you love

I wish though that when i say i'll go, means i'll be able to leave physically. That would really help! But, nope. I can't.

I thought the past few days has been enough to forget you. I thought the past few days would be enough to heal the hurt. I really thought these few days that i have would be enough. I really really wish it is! Someone just asked how am I. "So, how's the heart doing?" Hmm...."I'm fine. Hearts still hurting but i'm 70-80% better. So, no worries. I'm doing GOOD." Well, never say things too soon eh. Coz minutes after that he mentions his name. Aih.

I was just writing the other day, many of us don't believe with all our heart that God will give us the desires of our heart. I believe! But not in this case. I tell u why. Coz, if i say God's gonna give me the desires of my heart, i'll have him. But, that would mean God's not gonna give him the desires of his heart. So, one person's desire would need to be sacrificed rite? Of course the selfish part of me would say "I wish God will give me the desires of my heart and sacrifice his." But, I won't. I can't. How can I say I want to be happy in the expense of my fellow brother's happiness?! That would be just waaay tooo selfish of me. So, it's alrite.....

I mean, yes, i know many many people are worried for me...thinking probably this issue is sooo big that it's eating me up! But, friends, don't worry for me. Coz, i have something bigger and greater that satisfies me. Living itself is big and great enough eh? Living for what? Living for who? How am i Living? Well, you know what i have in my head and in my heart. I don't need to be so explicit about it. U know HE alone is my reason......So, don't be worried.

I have been putting many things aside just to spend time with HIM. And it's been great. It's like as if we are this wonderful couple whose on a personal retreat. For that, rejoice with me! :)
You know, I will not allow anything or anyone come between me and God....

Cheers~