Feeling like . . .

Hmm.....lotsa things in my mind now. I donno what to say and what not to say. I just mentioned to huili about the blog address.

Anyway, today....i feel like shit! Hah! That was easy! I don't like the way i'm feeling.

I went to school today and had classes. Impressive eh. I wasn't even a little bit sleepy during my EL2101 class - phonology!! Craziness. Even tho i had nothing to do yesterday, i still stayed up till about 4am. So, getting up early this morning to go for class. So, 6 days in a row, 4 hours on the average of sleep a day! Woohoo....So, after my class, met my BS girl. Was good to meet up with her. :)

hmm....it's been some time since i've spoken about him eh. hahah. I won't tell u all about him but i will tell u how i am feeling now. If u care for me, instead of him, u won't ask me about him ok? hehe...(haha, not really true oso. There are times when i'm glad and happy to talk about him)
ANYWAY, so today in school, i usually meet him in the arts canteen. Today, i purposely went and look for a seat that i know i won't bump into him. I didn't want to meet him. Aiyah, u know why lar! If it hurts so much, u think i wanna go and meet him ar? Yes, suprising eh. Normally, when comes to matters like this, we all want to meet him no matter what rite? Not for me now! Ok la, to be really honest. Although i sat far from where he would normally sit, i was also looking out for him. but, i donno. the feeling was different. haha, I didn't mind not meeting or seeing him at all. normally, esp so on a friday, i would mind. If i dont see him on a sunday, i will need to wait at least 2 more days before i see him again. Haha...But, this time round, i dowan to see him. I really dowan. What for?! See him and get demoralised? see him edi and den get all sad about it? Aiyah...might as well not see him at all rite?! So, ok lor....i was happily walking off from the canteen. Then, as i was walking pass the drink stalls, i thought i saw in front of me someone familiar - him. But i was still talking to my friend. He was blocked once in a while by people walking in front of him. But, nvm....i was about to pretend i didnt see him liao. I'm best at doing that!!! Then, i just told myself, aiyah....look properly first and see whether it is him anot. so, yeah. confirm! It's him. So now, wanna say hie anot? Aiyah, just look up lor. If he looks at u, den say hie lor. if not, dont bother! So, ok...i looked up...our eyes met. Said our hie....Left!

Went to the toilet. Man! My stomach donno what's wrong. Already my nose oso something wrong liao. Stomach now getting funny. Must be not enuff sleep. haha. I'm simply putting the blame on something else. After toilet-ing, I came out deciding which way i should take to go back home. Should i walk towards the canteen? I usually take that way home anyway. But, decided not to. I dowan to go and make purposeful attempts to meet him. But, i walked towards the canteen anyway but not walking through it - which is what i usually do. But, walk towards LT11 and then walk home. So, i was happily walking....and den, i saw him again!! MAN!!! I DOWAN to see him larrrrrrr!!! DOWAN....DOWAN....DOWAN!!!! So ok, we didnt just said hie. We spoke a bit. Den, left. Aih......Took a long and slow walk home. Depressing betul!!! So, I took my mind of what i was feeling. OFF!! Prayed for WeiTing...Almost reaching home. I said out, LORD, why like this?? WHY???...aih. Hatiku terluka. Hatiku pecah.

So, reached home feeling really like shit! So, i went upstairs...left my bag on the bed and went up to the attic to look for bev. She was doing her project. I felt like shit! and i was being really selfish! I needed to vent it out. I needed to talk to someone. She knows whats going on the best! But, i know she needs to study and to work....so, i just said mumbled some stuff. Den, i didnt want to disturb her liao...I want to go and sleep. Was dead tired. ASked bev whether she wants me to be with her up in the attic anot. Coz if she's alone, she mite fall asleep. but, if i sleep in front of her, oso a bit bad rite? So, i asked for her opinion. She said she wanted me to be there. So, ok...went down to change and den brought the pillow and my smelly blanket up. Slept! But, somehow when u're depressed, u can't really sleep. So, it wasn't a good sleep. ALready i so super tired and sleepy but cannot have a good rest!! What is this man!!! And den, sleeping oso got sooo many sms-es coming in. Bev said, put it to silent mode lar. But what if something important? Nvm la...doesnt matter anyway. So, i got up at 5pm. Went downstairs. Prepare for BS. Suppose to meet HuiLi at 7 plus to discuss about BS on monday. Yeah, we're leading. I was SOOO not in the mood for BS lor. Came down and listened to some music. AIh!!!! THings was not getting any better still....still felt like SHIT. Oh no! Now how??!! Then, i realised i wasted 1 hour just listening to music. Dang! So, time for emotions to switch OFF again! So, OFF! Do Bible study! I know, mite not be the best thing to do, but nvm lar! I need to do my BS. Huili was gonna come soon edi leh!

So, i did my BS. Was dead hungry! To those who do not know my appetite, better dont seek to find out. Haha.....Scare u. My mommy and daddy alwiz said that if my husband were to see my appetite, he mite run away. hahahaha.....And it doesnt help when i not only like to eat, i LOOOOVE food. hahaha...That explains for my size rite??!! Hahaha. Plus, i was depressed. Depressed means sure eat more wan. But, mebbe today - accumulation of depression. VERY depressed - didn't feel like eating!! AArrrgggghhh but i know i was hungry!! I wanna go and eat all the good food in Singapore!! Why dont i have a car here? I remember how when in KL, depressed means, get the car and den go and drive around looking for food or friends.... hehehe. So, anyway....only ate bread for dinner. Yeah. Ate only when HuiLi came over.

So, i told myself to switch off. So, got down to do BS about 8pm. By the time we ended with prayer, it was 9:30pm liao. haha...our discussion is like 1 entire BS. hahaha...so funny! Den, aih...we chatted a bit...spoke to her about him as well. hahah....But, haha....even as i spoke, emotions still was switched off. I cannot talk to anyone about him without the OFF button. Sakit mer!!

I entertained her a bit...with all the pictures in my comp - not a lot but ok lar...still wanna compile. Haha! All the food pictures....aih!!!!

Still feel like shit now! Wanna go sleep.
David asked me wanna go canoeing tmr anot. Aih!! Cannot la david. I promised God I'll seek HIm liao..Altho, honestly, i don't feel like doing it. So, PRAY FOR ME!!!

Ok......I wonder when i will ever write a short post!! Sianz....

No one reads my long ramblings....