Crazee...
At 2:41 in the morning I am blogging. I think it’s crazy. Everyone in the house is already asleep, except me of course. Muahaha…
Rejoice with those who rejoice.
I’ve just completed my 10 page assignment!! Woohoo….I spent 2 days writing them ok. Don’t play play!! I exceeded the word limit by A LOT leh! Lecturer said won’t pinalise marks for it. So, I’m counting on his words. Originally, I’ve got 12 pages. I altered the page margin a bit, so can fit into 11 pages. Eh, it’s not called cheating coz the lecturer never say I cannot do that. Bleah ;p
1 down, 2 more to go.
Sociology paper done. Now, I have 1 English Language paper to do and 1 South Asian paper to do. Man, I’m darn worried bout my South Asian paper. I have not started doing a single thing for it lor. Ok, I’ve seen my tutor and she was a big help. She gave me quite a lot of idea of what to write in my essay. But other than that, I’ve done nothing. Zero. Die lar this time. Lord, if you don’t help me in this, I don’t think I will be able to make it. I will start tomorrow (oh wait, it’s already the 17th…so, start today!) Assignment due on Thursday! Arrrggghh….4 days to complete the essay PLUS I still have my E Lang paper that is due on Wednesday. This paper not so bad because it’s a group work. We’ve done our gathering of information liao. We’re meeting on Monday to discuss on the survey and come up with the work. After that is done, we can write out the discussion and den I can go on to type the introduction and the Conclusion for the term paper. U know, I’ve been very blessed. Coz, I’ve got this bunch of very nice girls as my group mates. They’ve been really really understanding. And the way we work together is really fun. We talk all sort of nonsense. Yet, we wipe each others backside – u get what I mean lar rite? Ok, I admit, there have been times when I get irritated with some of them – especially when they start getting all particular about small, petty things like : all in a straight line anot? Can fit into one page anot? Must use some bombastic words… Aiyoh, that one can sometimes get on nerves a bit. This was the group that I had the 7 hour project meeting with. Yes, we get on each others nerves a bit. I have gotten on their nerves definitely! But, we ask for forgiveness and we forgive each other. But honestly, I haven’t been at my best with this project. At project meetings, I just can’t wait to finish our project meeting but the girls can continue on talking and talking about other topics – man, we digress A LOT! Nevertheless, I have not been a good testimony! I am ashamed to say this but yes it is the truth! Lord, forgive me? SORRY Lord. Whenever I get upset or angry a bit, it shows. They can tell my agitation. Aih….I’ve really tried to smile in my agitation. Tried to not show so much. But, Sorry Lord. I have not been able to.
Ok…enuff about papers…
Today I was just thinking , why I cannot say in my blog that I am sad over that issue? There wasn’t anything wrong when someone shares in his blog about W or about their loved ones and how far they are from getting the ones that they love. Does it now fall down to gender? Just because I’m a girl, I can’t say the miseries I have? Hmmm….*think think*
Ok…honestly, it hurts. Yes Jon, Yes Shelby, Yes all, it hurts… Sometimes, when I look away, it doesn’t hurt so bad or when God says something, den it doesn’t hurt so much. At those times, I may be happy! At other times, I may not be happy. Times when I am confused. Times when I am stressed. Times when I am covered with fear –fear to even ask God, NOW WHAT? Times when I am just so scared. Times when I look and see how bleak the issue seem to be. Of course, if my eyes were totally focused on it, I would have crushed. I would have died! I would have lost all faith, lost all hope, lost the desire to want to love anymore.
So, yes…just to let it out : IT HURTS!!! HURTS A LOT…..WAAAAY much more than some of you can imagine. (then again, we have all been through this before rite?!)
However, dear friends, Don’t worry! U wanna know why I alwiz ramble about how much it hurts but at the end of the post say : Don’t worry? U think I just want to seem strong in front of you? You think I say so to comfort myself? Or to comfort you? Or so that you don’t say : oh, pity JeeLee, she’s in so much pain? I don’t worry about what you will say about the situation that I am going through. :)
I tell you not to worry because I am still with the Lord and HE is still with me. When one day u hear me say, “I’m giving up on You Lord” Then, Please all of you, start sending me slaps on the face and wake me up! Until that happens (which I am confidently saying, it wont!), don’t worry about me. You know how I always say “God will never leave you nor forsake you”? I am very sure and confident God will never! I’ve always experienced God’s hand drawing me back! Even at times when I shout and scream and say “God, I dowan to hear already or God, I dowan to ask you coz I’m freaking scared” , God still speaks to me. Yes, that’s how persistent God is! And, Yeah, He slaps me on the face and wakes me up to listen to Him. And when God speaks, can You not listen? Maybe. I try my very best not to. But, haha…I’m rather dumbo. If I know that God is speaking, even if it is something that I dowan to hear, I cannot NOT hear. Coz it is GOD who is speaking. U think what? Ur friend ar?? Ur brother ar?? So, don’t worry fellow brothers and sisters. Coz when God speaks, I listen. (haha, we all have to rite?) Ok, No! I am not saying I’m a very obedient child. I’m WAAAAAAAYYYYYY far from that. I am not saying God is some kind of a dictator. God deserves the respect and obedience from us eh!! Simple as that?! (ok, maybe not THAT simple) For instance, if you read my previous post, you will be able to tell that I wasn’t very happy. Or I wasn’t very positive about things. Yes, I was depressed. Waaay sad….waaay down in the little corner called “Depressing times”. I told God : “Lord, I dowan to be sad today. But since I’m already sad, I will put on my “ignore” sign – ignore my feelings so that I can do my work! I need it done by today!! Please help me.” So, yeah…I tried ignoring it and was successful when I was infront of the computer and typing all the words and messing the entire dining table with my readings. When lunch time came, break time, sleepy times, I wasn’t able to ignore those feelings. It came back! Man!! It was darn irritating. Den, when I want to start back my work, I just gotta say that prayer again. And put on “busy” status to my heart. No time to feel! Muahaha….Den, after dinner….ok, cannot help it liao. Have to Shit! So, I go into the toilet (let’s skip all the details ok). God basically spoke to me while I was shitting! U all gotta agree with me on this, God can be darn funny!! He’s darn humorous lar!! I’m like, “God, u sure it’s you ar? Why I hearing so funny thoughts in the toilet wan.” Den “ Yeah la, if it’s not me, u think u will think of these kind of thing ar?” Den “Oh yeah hor, quite true oso. I if I dowan to think about it, then I surely won’t think of such things wan lor.” Hmm…wah, impressive eh!! So, basically God said this one thing to me : JeeLee, look around you and dwell on what you have and be happy. Don’t dwell on what you don’t have. Den, my response : Ok, don’t dwell on sad things BUT I cannot don’t think. U know how painful even if I don’t think about it? You think by dwelling on the things that I have can make me happy? Darn difficult lar… And even now as I type, its not easy. I tell u, it’s NOT EASY!!! It’s darn painful…it’s as painful as I dwell on what I don’t have. So, haha…what’s the point rite? Anyway, If God says Do IT! I dare not say I DOWAN ar! Being rebellious with God brings heavy consequences wan ok! So, yes…I will obey! Now, no worries ok!! As you read this, bear in mind, I am obeying God and I might sound all happy but it still hurts. But do I grumble? No! Because if this is a trial I have to go through so that God’s will be done, CAN I grumble? Of course NOT!! Dare I grumble? OF course NOT! For those who know Peter Pan’s Song : Ada Apa denganmu, Mungkin nanti and Ku Katakan dengan Indah…these songs reflect what’s in my heart…the hurt and the pain…I’ve been listening to it almost the whole day today. Muahaha….
So, to u all who pray for me…thank U…because I testify to you, every single day of my life, be it a happy day or a sad day, God has alwiz proven HIS existence and His presence around me! So, if u say God has left you, I believe that u’re just not looking out for Him. He is there!!!!
ANYWAY, just to sum this post up…it’s a long one I know. I’ve finally looked at some photos that I took on my phone. (ok, some pictures are not taken by me!)
And oh, to all back in KL, I miss u guys soo much. I so want to call back home to speak to my father and mother, JeeLeng and JeeVern and JeeAun and POPO!! I so want to see WengYan and YinNgai in church. I so want to sit next to Joshua in church. I so want to go out for breakfast with WengYan, YinNgai, Joshua, WengLi, YueenSan, Shelby, LiYee, Topher, Samuel, and su. And then we go to mcdonalds and den see how Samuel flirts with the cashier! Eewww…Or go out for swensen’s topless ice-cream with YinNgai and ADelene….ahhh….Badminton and Williams, Jon. Siew Yuk supper with Jon and Mun Onn!!!! ARRRGGGGHHH….
Ok la….i better stop here…..these pictures are for u to view..muahaha…
My very much treasured Monday BS. :)
Family members whom i miss - dont have JeeVern and popo's pic :(
Singapore's National Day Celebration
Church fellas whom i miss.....
lovely and hardworking group mates..
Crazy friends who love their eyes so much. (Edgar's, JieYao's, Shelby's and ???)
posted by -- J e e L e e -- @ 2:41 am
15 Comments
15 Comments:
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