Today...

I woke up darn late today! And when i say DARN late, i mean it! I slept for sooo many hours. I'm kinda ashamed to say it out! Really makes me sound like a pig! Hahaha.....

I slept at 3:30am and woke up at 1pm today. woohoo! That's MANY hours! I don't sleep like that for no reason. So, whats the reason? DEPRESSED lar!!! Hahaha......(but, my emotions weren't the only cause of it. It could've been the main cause but not the only one!)I dread waking up this morning knowing that I've already promised HIM that I will talk to HIM about it. aih..... I was terrified.

Anyway, if not for jieyao's call, i wouldn't have woken up as well. Ok, to be honest, i was already up by 720am. I don't know why my idiot alarm went off!! So, i woke up.....woke bev up and den went back to sleep! Waking up every 30 minutes and sighing and den going back to bed. haha.....Till JieYao finally called me and asked whether i was home anot. He's coming over. Aih...forced to get up. IF not, when he coems, he's gonna ask me where am i. End up going out and having lunch with him as well.

Came back. Bathed and den got ready for my appointment with GOD. THanks for all of u who prayed for me....At the end of it, God didn't say anything! Boo!! Ok, I think God said something - but very vague. VERY vague. Ok, nvm. Maybe HE dowan me to know now. I thank God for spending time with me and saying something - even though vague.

Rite after that, i read my mail. And i cried! Boo!! Remember my previous few posts, i mentioned about my project group mates? hah, sent another hurting mail! I'm trying to love them despite the pain they're inflicting on me! Haha, sound so serious but yeah la. It's painful lor. I can't believe i cried but i guess, when ur work is not appreciated but instead kena scolding summore, of course it hurts rite? hmm...

Am still feeling quite bad. Am still feeling a bit sad. I'm still hurting and aching. I wish to talk to someone. I wish for "After Eight". I wish for Ice-cream. I wish for Durians. I wish for Siew Yuk. I wish for Tom Yam Maggi Mee. Hehe....

I went online and was downloading some things. Changed theme of desktop. Changed skin. :) Quite satisfied.

Despite my sorrow, i am still amazed by God. He showed me today that He knows my pain and my sorrow. What HE wants for me is to rejoice in them. HE wants me to be happy. He's given me things more precious than gold - imperishable and incorruptible. Yes, there are many questions that i asked God today and yet almost none were answered. But, it's alrite. :) Amazed by God's love...

Still, the hurt is still real. I sooo want to cry. But, cry also no use wert rite? What for cry when nothing is gonna change anyway? Yes, maybe i'll feel better after letting it out. But, crying alone somehow just doesnt appeal to me. I want to go out for a run or for a drive or for a feast but i can't. I can't cry to bev coz she still has her work to do. i cant cry to any other person coz they won't understand the extend of my pain. Not that Bev does. But, maybe more than those who don't know what on earth is happening.

Now, i feel like calling WengYan. But i know she'll be asleep edi. Tomorrow gotta get up early coz gotta go to church eh.

I'm trying to listen to some more happy songs like "Accidently in love" - the drum beats are crazily nice!!! or "A thousand mile" - the piano is superb. Oh, by the way, do you guys realise how great the piano sounds in "My Immortal" ??? Listen of course to the piano version. It's awesome! But, u have to listen carefully lar since Evanescence singing drowns the piano. But, u blast the music, u can hear...There's so much emotions even in the keys played!! SOoo nice!!! I think the emotions i feel is very well portrayed in that song but the words don't. hahah...just the music!

It's late. It's 1212am. I want to go to bed. I want to go to church tomorrow. I don't think i want to come home early though. There's nothing much to do. I want to do something happy. I might go to Ikea. I might even go all the way to east coast park. I might! :) Actually, that sounds like a pretty good idea. Haha...but going alone doesnt seem fun. Now now now......Maybe Ikea will do the trick! :) I'll let u know tomorrow what i did!

Yay! ok......nite nite.....

If u read my previous post, please please please voice ur opinion. This girl here needs an answer. Hahahaha....Ok la, if u dowan to comment on the blog, just mail me. Easy as that! :)

Another random thought, Jeremy said last night that he thinks i've changed significantly. Have I? What are your thoughts? A significant change in 5 months??hmm.....What say u?