It means so much to me...

When I feel like crying and I needed someone to talk to, your name came to mind first. And I really thank u for being there for me. I'm sorry I woke u up from your beauty sleep. But, thanks for being there for me. I really appreciate it. And the SMS!! It was nice to know that i'm loved and that U'd wake up from your sleep to talk to me! haha...i know its petty but for me its not. That's cause I find it difficult to talk to someone when I'm half asleep. So, it matters to me although it probably didnt mean anything to u.

It's amazing how sometimes God uses verses to speak to u but they dont really make sense in the context that u're in. Hmm...

I knew Lee Tat was expecting me to say something. The way he probed. The way he looked at me. The way he questioned. The way he encouraged. I knew he knows something.

Call it stubbornness or cowardice, I just didnt want to speak up. Come on la, we're talking about relationships here. There mite be things too personal that we mite not want to share. Yes! So, not appropriate lar.

Julia spoke to me last nite when I was waiting for my hair to dry. More like urging me to speak up. Aiyah...I told her the reasons why I don't want to....but she made some sense. There are some things I cannot handle by myself. As in, I know i tried the entire semester to do something about it but I also chickened out a lot. PLUS, the minute she mention "Do it for the ministry's sake", my heart went "OKAY!"
So, i went to bed and in my heart, it was wrestling whether should I say or not? Yeap, so, I didnt have a good sleep. Aih....Already dead tired but still cannot sleep....man!!! So, I finally decided, "If by not saying it i'm hindering the ministry to move on or i'm hindering God's full work to be done, den i better make sure I say it!!" Den I slept...

Got up in the morning and chickened out again. Ok, honestly, I find it super difficult to do this. I have been struggling with this for the past semester lar, suddenly u want me to sort this out in front of EVERYONE. It's super difficult lar....

The whole morning, i just told God, if YOU want me to do it, I will! But YOU have to show me that YOU want it. Coz if not, I cannot do it. I just can't!!!
In the end, I did it. ONLY because God spoke. Got verse from BIBLE when I least expect it. Got prayer from ppl to affirm it. I even told God, if YOU want it to happen, let someone start the ball rolling. I don't want to start it!!
And the amazing thing is that God SOOOOO want it to happen that He gave me all that I requested for. I sooooo didn't want it to happen that I demanded for what I thought would not happen. IE: No one would bring the issue up. It was supposed to be over edi last nite wert.
Anyway, since God showed super clearly that HE wants me to open my mouth, I will do it, although I was really hoping that I donnit to say anything.

Again, God is good!!!!!
I asked Him to be with me as I open my mouth, I say with all confidence, HE was with ME!!!!!

I'm tired now. I should go to bed.

The good thing is that I get to rest tmr. Gloria said she's busy. David is back home in KL. So, I'm alone. It's good. I can sleep till late late. I can get up and spend time reading and immensing myself with God's wonderful creation of MUSIC. Ok la, gotta spend some time preparing for thursday's bonding time.

God's presence in my life means so much to me. It means too much for me to ever think of giving it up. I can't...I just can't - even if it hurts.

AND oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOEL.....
I miss Noel....I really do!