Realisation sucks

A friend already blogged about what happened yesterday. I'm still sorry nonetheless. I saw his face turning red in anger and so I knew I just blew it off. So, Bleah...Sorry. It is when things like this happen that I get a little piss with myself. I don't think it's because I'm being too hard on myself. But, its because, I know we made the effort to meet up and den I must say something that blows people off and then the nite ends with everyone going home in silence. And the thing that I'm pissed with is that I did not try to hold my tongue back at all. It just came out like that. Aih....

A friend a few days ago commented on my sarcasm and of course I denied. But, I'm honest. I don't think I'm very sarcastic. I think I fail at that. I think I don't have what it takes to be sarcastic. But, I'm still thinking....if what my friend commented about me is true, then I must really take a special effort to be less sarcastic. First of all, it pissed people off - not everyone can catch my sarcasm and laugh about it. Honestly, if I am ever sarcastic, I'm not there to make u feel stupid. I just do it for laugh sake albeit the fact that it's not funny! Aih....If only I realised that it's not funny! I still make sarcastic comments and laugh about it - oblivious to the hurt it has done to the other person. :( But the most important reason to be pissed is that, it's very clear in the Bible that we shall not be jesters. Aih.

Again, dude...sorry.

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I respect you - really! I've not met any peers that gained so much respect from me as u have. But, I've failed to see that I've turned that respect to something deeper. And I shouldn't have. I thank you for telling me what you think about it -and trying your best to not hurt me. But as I think about what you said, I struggle even harder to dig into the deep and burn them all. I find it extremely difficult and I question my own heart about this issue. Why does our heart battle with something that we know we can never get? Why do we want to fight a losing battle?
Sigh.....

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I'm somehow wishing I took the effort to meet up with Daniel. I won't be around for the thanksgiving dinner. Sorry. My family will represent me. haha....

:)