Good?

I donno what to say. At the end of today, I really have mix emotions. I don't know whether to sigh or not to. On one hand, I obeyed God on a certan issue and I'm glad I did that - although I come home to realise that there are other things that I did not talk to him about. Sigh. I really thought two hours will be enough but time proved me wrong.

Sigh.......

After talking to him makes me realise that I really am very bad in expressing myself. Many people take me differently. I have often been misunderstood. Goodness gracious me. I think I really need to know how to express myself. But the one thing that I am very grateful about is that I know my facial expression is super precious. I know that no matter what, my feelings show in my face. Although sometimes it is hard to read my facial expression and try to pin point exactly how I feel but I am a bad liar, because if whatever I say contradicts my feelings, someone can tell wan through my facial expression!!! Although honestly, I think to a certain extent, it frustrates me that people misunderstand me and who I really am and, come on, I've only been in Singapore for the past 1 year plus and people are still getting to know me. So, naturally these misunderstanding still does happen. And because I find it very troublesome to try to correct people's misunderstanding about me, I normally try once or twice and then I give up. I honestly feel that God will settle these things to me. If by any chance I am putting God down in people's view of me, then of course I will correct that person. But if it is solely me (my character, my personality), then really I will not push my way through, I'll let them think what they want to think. I'm fine with it. :)

I'm trying to right now to psycho myself to think that I had a great day. Honestly, today was very demoralising. Today I realised that I can be quite gentle with the guy I like. haha....nonetheless, I think he doesn't realise that. Too bad. But, nvm. haha.....Then I had talk with a friend for about 9 hours. Jikalau bukan-Mu, saya tentu tidak mampu bersemangat. I realised a lot about a lot of things then. And it was then, that I realised that woah, there are many things about me that's not understood by a lot of people. Well, I've learnt a lot from that friend and for that i'm very grateful. :) Then, I walked back to library and then met this girl. She said she doesn't have a bible (cause she was going for cf for the 1st time) and so i offered her mine. She then said something like "oh, it's not good enuff" then I was like "what??!! You know what bible I use and mine is not good enuff??" I really didn't understand. Basically, telling me that the Bible I use not good enuff, I feel "Wah, what Bible I use oso kena judged"....

Called Yanni. It was so funy. The conversation we had consisted of 4 different languages - english, malay, cantonese and hakka. Oh my!! Our malay was the best! We spoke as if we were writing an essay - we have lost touch with Bahasa Melayu pasar but can only remember Bahasa Melayu baku. Oh no! It was soooo hilarious. I was laughing so much I almost fell from the chair. Our hakka was so funny too. oh my oh my. But, i'm very happy because when she called me and spoke to me in hakka, i felt like "hey, that's something we haven't done in a very long time..." yah...so, haha....we must do that more often!! Thanks yanni for listening to me and talking with me and laughing together with me.

You know, even if no one listens to me or talks with me, i'll be happy with just people laughing with me and I really treasure that a lot. I guess, that's why people like Liren and Noel means much to me, because not only can I talk with them, but I can laugh with them and they make me laugh. Honestly, I feel so happy to have Lilian as my PTL because she's not only a great woman but she makes me laugh and we laugh together. Yeah, I laugh a lot and I really treasure people who will laugh with me. That's why I really like Danz and Petz a lot and I think they are such a gem!

Anywayz, I'm gonna go to bed now. At the end of it, as long as I've obeyed God, nothing should make me more happy than that. God is good!!!

p/s: My blog is really a place for me to whine and there are many things that I don't blog about. So, don't read my blog and conclude something about me just like that. Because, that's not the whole picture. If people care, I will not hold back letting them know the real me.

p/p/s: If I ever use the word damn or darn, please alert me. I'm trying to stop using that word!