Where is home?

I had ETWG on saturday. It was different. Just the previous night, I had my agenda set already - God set it for me. So, when I decided to have ETWG, I wanted to go straight into the things that were already on my list when suddenly I felt "Jee Lee, put down your paper and pen. Turn your page. Don't look at the agenda. Calm down. Be still. Put on Christian music. Just listen". I did just that although I just wanted to get ahead with all the list of things on my journal. But, God is really good.

One of the thing I asked God about was missions. I've mentioned how much I want to go for missions - and specifically India. Marry an Indian, they are super good looking. Hah! I once blurted that out during bs and my discipler looked at me with evil looks. haha.... and so I prayed about going to India and this time, to China as well. You see, there'll be a group who will be going down to China soon and they've asked me whether would I want to go with them and I said that I will pray about it. And so I did! God specifically showed me that He wants me to go home. Coz inasmuch as I want to go for missions, my heart burns for home - for Malaysia ; for Life Chapel. And God said, no India ; no China. Go home!

I sigh because I really want to go to India and home is more difficult. It's an Islamic country la. How difficult is that. I never ask God whether this is long time mission plan or just specifically for this holiday oni. But, if it's for long time, I understand what He's trying to do now.

My housemates made this comment to me today "Jee Lee sure want to go back to Malaysia want. She loves her country so much." And yes, I do. I mean, yes, we're not given the best treatment. I think to a certain extent, Singapore treats us better than our own government does. Nonetheless, I am a Malaysian. I am a citizen of Malaysia. That is my earthly home. And wherever I go in the world, I will still pray for Malaysia. I will never stop praying for Malaysia, even if I end up a PR in some other country.

Wherever God wants to send me to, I want to be willing to go there. :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I told a dear friend one of my darkest secrets today. And it felt so good telling him about it - not only because he could accept it but being able to tell someone about it assures me that I've learnt to accept God's forgiveness and I'm trully realising what I was called to do.

Thank God....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I spent some time talking to Danielle and Petra today. And I really felt that God loves them sooo much! Sooooo much....I almost cried. I'm perplexed at my own reaction. I wonder why I felt the way I do...