I can't say this enough, but THANK YOU GOD!

This is how I cope with stress: I change blog templates.

I should be sleeping now, especially when I need to wake up early tmr.

But, here's a short entry (totally not doing justice to the value of the happenings of the day!).

It being my free day, I totally messed everything up by making it not at all productive. Yes, I did some work in the morning and tried to do some work in the day time and finally managed to finish about 3 chapters of readings in the night. But trust me, it's far less than expected to have been done. Feeling rather disappointed with myself.

There was BS this evening. I wished there wasn't gonna be one so I sms-ed my girls and asked if they were coming anot (all the time silently wishing they will all not come. I know, I'm a terrible leader!) But all said they were coming. No choice la. Have to go.

I didn't feel too well. So, all I could do was just commit it to the Lord. I prayed like mad because I felt totally hopeless and a great sense of I-cannot-do-this! And you could probably expect this, God is good!

Today, one of the thoughts that came to me was this: I'm a terrible leader. I know why God wouldn't want to enlarge my territory. I know why i'd be left with the same girls year in, year out. (not that I dont like them, but I of course wish for an enlarged territory) hah. No laughing matter. Infact, a very sad fact. Because to me, it reflects how faithful a servant I am - and that means, NOT FAITHFUL.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to me but I was pleasantly suprised at how well BS went even though (1) I didnt prepare for BS today and (2) Me and Feli didnt get time to pray for the session before it started. And I really thank God because I felt like I've never been shot with so many questions at one time before and I went (silently of course) "aih. Questions again. I don't know la." But of course, when donno, shoot the questions back to other people and in the meantime, shoot prayer arrows to God. Then, step out in faith and the words came like as if it was all in my mind all along. The way Bible verses came together. And like I said, this shouldn't come as a surprise. It's not like this is the first time this is happening. God is answering my prayer and guiding me.

Theresa SMSed Weiting,who forwarded the msg to me, saying she enjoyed today's session and wished to join us for our next BS. How did I react? "Hmm....okay" Don't exactly know what to say. Let it sink in for a while and then I knew what God was trying to do. He was encouraging me.

But more than that, it was a reminder. Because even before I step into the ex-co, I hesitated because I really want God to enlarge my territory and not be bogged down with admin work. Gah, dislike admin work! And day in day out, I pray for God to bring me to people who needs HIM. But, time to time, when I evaluate, I notice how unfaithful I am to the work HE has given me. FAIL. But God today reminded me how throughout this semester, no matter how much a failure I think I am or how unfaithful I think I am, God is still enlarging my territory. HE has brought people to me (instead of me going to people), He has placed a burden in my heart for certain people and like it or not, I see progress in the girls I'm in contact with.

And do I say it's me? Oh please. I still say that I am a big big failure. And trust me, I don't do much. I really don't. So, even as much as I'd like to take credits for myself, I can't! Because I know how much I have done and I know that with that teeny weeny bit of effort and seeing the fruit that it bore, all I can say is that it is not what I have done. But it is all God's work!