Rain makes me happy

Whenever it rains it makes me happy! And today a fellow rain lover ( I don't love the rain as much as he does tho) msges me and says, "hello! It's raining!!" haha....Little things like this makes me smile....

People been asking me how am I. I donno why people think i'm depressed. Honestly, I am not!! Really!!!

For the very few people who reads my blog, you know that the only thing that has been depressing me is boy-girl relationship issue. And I know some people are worried for me concerning this. Why is JeeLee so depressed la...Hope all things turn out fine with JeeLee...Hope this issue gets settled so that she's no more depressed...Honestly, there are times when it hurts so bad that I wish I never had such feelings for any particular person. There has been times when I wished that God will remove this thorn in my flesh. But you know, God is using this whole BGR thingy to teach me something. Something I know very valuable. Something that strengthens my relationship with HIM. For that, I rejoice!!!

Of course, my desire would be to want to be with him. A greater desire than that would be for him to be happy. I even prayed for God to grant him happiness and that he may marry the one that he desires so much. An even greater desire is that God would grow me! I mean, of course I like him and I want to be with him and think all those romantic things that u'd do with your bf lar. Who dowan rite? But if this one thing brings me away from God and draws me to be soooo self-indulgent, I rather not have a bf. It's not the end result I'm looking at now. It's the journey.So what if at the end of the day I get married and live happily ever after with my husband but in the course of it, I have not grown anywhere near to be who HE wants me to be? It means nothing! I ask myself whether is this desire of having a bf greater than doing HIS will.

Most of you don't know how much I want to be a missionary!! I used to dread it if my husband will one day say "You stay home and take care of my kids while I go into the mission field" haha... Being of the female species, of course having a family is part of a dream. I mean, hello? How many people do you know wants to get married at 23?! But, my greater desire would be to be a missionary! I used to want to get married to a rich man and stay home and take care of my kids. Now I don't want that! I don't want to get married to a rich man. I don't want to stay home and just take care of my kids. However, if God says "stay home and take care of your kids" then, ok la! But now, given my desire, I want to be out there in the fields. I've always dreamt of being a supporter of my husband in missions.

But, you know, there are times when I wish that there's no husband to jaga. No husband to stop me from giving my ALL to serve my Master. However, God uses people who are behind the scenes as well. As in, God can jolly well be asking me to be a good wife and mother and worker in whatever area He wants me to be and that might include not going to missions field oso. So, I'm not saying that non-mission-field is not missions ar!

Back to how i feel. Right now, I just really want to be whoever God wants me to be. Yes, despite my feelings for this one person, I'm feeling that if God wants me to be alone, I will be!! AND I will be one joyfully and not grudgingly! To the people who really knows the hurt i'm going through, I know it sounds fake to be saying these things. But, really....no matter how beautiful I think he is, still no fight with my desire for God's will to be done! So, a more beautiful thing awaits me. I have shared this before. When I stand before God and His righteous throne and hear the words coming from the mouth of God saying things that I really really want to hear!

And as for BGR matters, God said one thing : Have FAITH Jee Lee. He taught me a lot of things concerning faith. But the one thing that was a take home concerning bgr matters was have faith in the impossibles and in the most ridiculous things! It'll take a lot of me to elaborate further. Let me sum-up what God has said thus far.
(1) I will give you the desires of your heart
(2) Have faith in the things you consider impossible.

I'm not reading too much into it as well. I'm still seeking. God is still speaking. You are now part of the great journey of how God's gonna reveal His will for me concerning my life partner. So, if I do get married, you are all qualified to give a speech on my wedding day! Haha....

Waaah...such a serious post! God is g o o o o d!!!!