Forgive me....

I have 20 pages of a reading to finish by tonight. But I have too many thoughts flooding in my mind and heart that I need to write.

Feeling totally strangled with the things of the heart. I do not know what to do. I do not know how to think or how to feel. Why is it that I cannot tell my heart what to feel? Why is it that emotions are not rational? Why is it that it can't act logically? Why? Why is it that my actions betray my heart? Why is it that my emotions betray my mind? Why? Oh God, there are just so many things that I do not understand.

My heart wants to react in a certain way but my mind tells me NO. Argh.

Ade's entry on UDS really struck a chord in me mainly because it was the same song. It was the same thoughts. Same.

Again and again, God is trying so hard to encourage me. I get encouraged - and it lasts for a few good hours. And then, I'm down again. God must be thinking 'Why is this Jee Lee taking such a long time to learn?! Why?!' I must be making Him so frustrated. I must be. Oh no!!! I'm so sorry Lord. Sooooooooo sorry!!!

Jing's entry struck me. She quoted Hebrews 12:1-3.

God, forgive me. I am sinful. I am weak. I do not see how whatever I do can be glorifying to You. Sorry. But God, change me! Use me! Fill me! Mould me! I want to glorify YOU above everything! Above everything!! I cry my heart out in wanting to see YOU.