I struggle, but God is waaay too good!!

Today, I received an sms that goes like this :

Received: Hey girl, I didn’t see you today in class. Are you okay? God loves you.
Sent: Hey! I was in class. I sat a few rows behind you. *smile* Thanks for caring. I’m fine. *smile*
Received: Oh, I must have overlooked. Have a pleasant day and may God watch over you.
Sent: Yeah. You rest well too. *smile* God bless you and keep you. *smile* Have a good night rest. *smile* (at this juncture, I admit, I put on too much smiley faces in sms-es)
Received: Hmm…you are always so jovial…How is that? I wish I could be as happy as you…

WOAh!!! I didn’t expect that last received sms at all. I mean, where did that come from?

And this is definitely not the first time I’m receiving something like this. How my jovialness makes it easy for people to approach me. God, thank you! I believe that I have actually been more sober and less jovial in the past 5 years (ever since the break-up). I learnt to be more serious and less crazy. And somehow, that made me less jovial. I used to be so extra jovial that one look or interaction with me, people will make comments like : You a very jolly person! And I have believed that that is gone. Although I know that I do not laugh or smile as much as I used to, God is still using that smile and laughter that He has given me. And I thank God because a few months ago, I specifically prayed that God do not take away a very treasured gift He gave me – the gift of making people feeling comfortable with me. And today, He has proven again! that He has not taken the gift away! Thank YOU LORD!!!!

Today Jeremy shared his struggle. And I identified so much with him! This time around, yes, I struggle like a mad woman. My feelings go around like a roller-coaster. I have headaches. I have sleepless nights. I want to sulk. I want to cry. But you know, God still pursues me, and more than ever, I feel God’s love, and grace and faithfulness. I feel so much joy! Yes, joy in suffering!!!! I find it strange but it is such a refreshing experience!!!!

Even when Jeremy shared, I felt like going up to him and give him a hug and say “I know what it’s like…” but refrained myself of course. But right at that time, I wished to hug someone and cry my heart out. God, send me someone whom I will be comfortable enough with to cry my heart out!

I do not want to make it sound like I’m doing all great. I am struggling. But, in the midst of my struggle, God is so good!!! SOOO good! I’ve never struggled with sooooo much joy and love before! Keep me in prayers but thank God together with me okay! He has been so gracious and faithful.

ps: As I look at my previous post, i realised how sad it is. It is not. I was sad but more than that, God was encouraging me. so, i was not really sad. Just struggling. I am okaay.