Randomness

Christmas shopping is over. Christmas lunch and dinner oso over edi. Gift unwrapping oso over edi.

This year, very selected few got christmas gifts from me. Reason being coz I'm broke! Well, not really. I'm just saving. For a mission trip that I sooo want to go but am scared. hahaha....My friends all got a pair of chopstick from me. WHY chopstick?? It's not chinese new year! Well, chopstick because we are CHINESE - even the ang mo is half chinese. And because for me, we're all a bunch of BANANAs. So, the chopstick has got some identity values in it okie!

With the church filled on Christmas service and the evening, with not so commercialised carols played on radio stations, I thank God for the work He is doing in Malaysia. The improvement might be slight, but I thank God nevertheless. I pray for Malaysia because that's where I am from. I am a Malaysian. If Malaysians don't pray for Malaysia then who will?

I was a lil late for worship on Sunday. But, didn't expect the church to be so full. Sam said the place is full. So, we both went up to the gallery. With my sprained ankle, it was a real challenge. Thankfully had Sam with me.

Yeah, I sprained both my ankle. The misfortune happened last week. It was late and dark. I was carrying heavy things on me back. The road was uneven but I didn't know. So, I first sprained my right ankle and den I thought I could stablise myself with my other leg. So, I shifted my weight to the left leg and then I sprained my ankle. I don't remember spraining my ankle as bad as this. It was so bad that I teared. I had to climb the stairs after that. I didnt dare to call home coz i was afraid that my parents had gone to bed already. With great pain I climbed up the stairs and drove home!!

It's recovering but walking is still painful!

There are things that God is trying to talk to me about but I'm not wanting to listen. I'm being disobedient and being this rebellious kid who refuses to sit down and talk. I'm sorry Lord. Aih....

Bleah....

Forget not...

I woke up really late this morning. I think I had a bad dream. I can't remember what now. I only remember having to go to sleep after feeling horrible about an sms sent wrongly to me. I think I dreamt about Pei Yun and she wasn't feeling too good. I prayed for her. She's in Yunnan. I donno how she is but I prayed. I think edgar appeared in my dream not feeling too good too. This is the weirdest part, I think I dreamt of him crying. I can't remember the rest of my dream. I know I dreamt of a few people but dreaming of these 2 person suprised me the most. Yeap....

Woke up to Jee Aun shouting for me. Didn't bother to get up tho I was more than 50% awake. My mom and sis and bro came home a few minutes after that with my mom in a grumpy mood. I didn't want to say anything incase I press the wrong button. I wasn't in the most chirpy mood myself. Although I felt a bit better after slamming my fingers on the piano. :)

Completed my Christmas Card writing. I'm pleasantly suprised at my perseverence on finishing them. I hate being at home in the afternoon coz it'd get quite hot and I'd always switch the air-conditioning on but this time I decided to take a drive out with my brother. :)

Got home and took out my needle and thread and patiently did something that I've been wanting to do. Needle and thread are not something that I like to do. But, I realised how much it helps me to be a bit more patient and it trains me to plan stuff better. Like which needle and thread goes which this kind of clothe and hole. hehe...The part I hate most? The putting the thread into the needle part!! Well, but I'm learning slowly to enjoy it! :)

My sister went for some funny treatment for her back today. She injured it when she got knocked by a car recently. We had a good laugh at her today because of something the doctor said about her. I even made up a song for her. Haha...I'm an evil sister. But but but but, we all had fun, even her. ;)

I had my mind off all emotional issues today. Sometimes I really don't want to look at these issues but I wonder am I not opening my heart to God?

The exco wanted to come to KL. I think they shouldn't. I told them already. I mean, I'd love for them to come to where I was brought up, eat the good food, go to nice places, see why Jee Lee is the way she is (esp the part where they dont understand) haha.... But, I need some time off. I haven't been able to spend much time with family and friends. I haven't been able to spend time with girls whom I disciple. I haven't been able to really unwind. I haven't had my personal retreat. I need to start the next semester and the next year on the right track. I don't think I have much time for the exco. Yes, it is a commitment that I have not forgotten and there are commitments back home here in KL that I cannot forget as well....

Yeah....I'll be leaving to Spore soon though. Maybe 3rd or 4th. I'm not thinking about that yet! Lets see how...yeap....

Smile....

A smile.....

Tom Welling's is so heart melting......

It's so difficult to meet people who smiles a lot. Equally difficult to meet people who has got nice smile.

Weng Yan has got a nice smile. So does Yin Ngai...
Bryan has a nice smile. So does Jon.
Adrian might not have the most charming smile but I like his smile...
And of course, Noel.....

No one smiles as much as Yueen San and Zhi Wei...

:)

Home sweet home

Too much in my head and heart right now. Don't you dislike it when it gets a bit overwhelming?

Christmas this Sunday. So, we all get busy with Christmas shopping and decorating Joshua's Christmas Tree. It's funny how I feel that this Christmas Tree deco thingy is like a ritual - to affirm your involvement in the gang. Sometimes I feel like I'm not really part of it all. Like as if, I'm just called and asked to go because I used to be there. I'm not complaining. I'm just expressing myself. There's nothing to complain because they never really did anything. It's just the way I feel sometimes, esp when there's silence.

We always have fun nevertheless. We were there at Joshua's house bout 1pm and we only started taking out the Christmas tree at about 4pm. Between 1pm to 4pm, we watched Oprah and Troy. Chris and Sam were suppose to come but I don't know what happened to them. I left before they came. Me and Weng Yan left about 5pm because WengYan gotta pick Weng Li up while I had to pick my brother up.

Home is still home eh.

No matter how close I can be with my friends in Singapore, it's still different from home. No matter how comfortable, it's still different. Home is not perfect, but it's the best...
They will accept me no matter how ugly I am - inside and out.

And I know it'll hurt again when I leave KL to go back to Singapore. Leaving home....Leaving love ones...
I know I don't have very much time before I leave again. :(

I don't know how this coming semester will be like. Miffy will be gone. No more Pei Yun to talk to at nite. No more Gloria to laugh together with....

MIFFY, Don't go........ but, i wish you a good time wherever you may be.

Have a blessed Christmas everyone.....

Give your family a call, if you're far away... :)

It means so much to me...

When I feel like crying and I needed someone to talk to, your name came to mind first. And I really thank u for being there for me. I'm sorry I woke u up from your beauty sleep. But, thanks for being there for me. I really appreciate it. And the SMS!! It was nice to know that i'm loved and that U'd wake up from your sleep to talk to me! haha...i know its petty but for me its not. That's cause I find it difficult to talk to someone when I'm half asleep. So, it matters to me although it probably didnt mean anything to u.

It's amazing how sometimes God uses verses to speak to u but they dont really make sense in the context that u're in. Hmm...

I knew Lee Tat was expecting me to say something. The way he probed. The way he looked at me. The way he questioned. The way he encouraged. I knew he knows something.

Call it stubbornness or cowardice, I just didnt want to speak up. Come on la, we're talking about relationships here. There mite be things too personal that we mite not want to share. Yes! So, not appropriate lar.

Julia spoke to me last nite when I was waiting for my hair to dry. More like urging me to speak up. Aiyah...I told her the reasons why I don't want to....but she made some sense. There are some things I cannot handle by myself. As in, I know i tried the entire semester to do something about it but I also chickened out a lot. PLUS, the minute she mention "Do it for the ministry's sake", my heart went "OKAY!"
So, i went to bed and in my heart, it was wrestling whether should I say or not? Yeap, so, I didnt have a good sleep. Aih....Already dead tired but still cannot sleep....man!!! So, I finally decided, "If by not saying it i'm hindering the ministry to move on or i'm hindering God's full work to be done, den i better make sure I say it!!" Den I slept...

Got up in the morning and chickened out again. Ok, honestly, I find it super difficult to do this. I have been struggling with this for the past semester lar, suddenly u want me to sort this out in front of EVERYONE. It's super difficult lar....

The whole morning, i just told God, if YOU want me to do it, I will! But YOU have to show me that YOU want it. Coz if not, I cannot do it. I just can't!!!
In the end, I did it. ONLY because God spoke. Got verse from BIBLE when I least expect it. Got prayer from ppl to affirm it. I even told God, if YOU want it to happen, let someone start the ball rolling. I don't want to start it!!
And the amazing thing is that God SOOOOO want it to happen that He gave me all that I requested for. I sooooo didn't want it to happen that I demanded for what I thought would not happen. IE: No one would bring the issue up. It was supposed to be over edi last nite wert.
Anyway, since God showed super clearly that HE wants me to open my mouth, I will do it, although I was really hoping that I donnit to say anything.

Again, God is good!!!!!
I asked Him to be with me as I open my mouth, I say with all confidence, HE was with ME!!!!!

I'm tired now. I should go to bed.

The good thing is that I get to rest tmr. Gloria said she's busy. David is back home in KL. So, I'm alone. It's good. I can sleep till late late. I can get up and spend time reading and immensing myself with God's wonderful creation of MUSIC. Ok la, gotta spend some time preparing for thursday's bonding time.

God's presence in my life means so much to me. It means too much for me to ever think of giving it up. I can't...I just can't - even if it hurts.

AND oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOEL.....
I miss Noel....I really do!

Running A RACE...

I'm finally back from our very first TeenStreet Malaysia!! WOOHOO...

I'm dead tired!

I wake up at 0731. Breakfast at 0801. Start work at 0901. Break for lunch at 1331. Back to work at 1431. Stop work at 2301. Hit the bed at 2331. TIRED.

With all the physical work, I had cramps in me legs. Yes, it was tiring. Nevertheless, God was with me.

TeenStreet Malaysia 2005 was good. I personally had a lot of good reminders about God and my own walk with God. Some very encouraging things and some that needs a change!

It'll be too much to blog about every single day since I was there for a week! But, there'll be some things that I would blog about. YEAp....

Day ONE
I learnt to get out of comfort zone and say hie to people younger than me. Not only they had their own cliques, they were the not-so-friendly kind of girls. The kind of girls who only stick with their kind. I was not their kind. U know, I'm not a very girly girl. Haha...Nevertheless, through them, God taught me humility!

Day TWO
BUSY day. With all the participants coming from all over MAlaysia and overseas, we were really busy! My church friends were here and I was so happy. Nevertheless, I know that I can't leave my work to be with people I am comfortable with. ALL for getting out of comfort zone. And showing love to strangers!! Woohoo....not easy eh.

Day THREE
TNT race. Got myself sun-burned with setting up of the race tract! Yeah. Crazy tired betul!!! Squatto!!! After the race, clear up the place. And then, got ready for the the base camps for the next day. PLUS, jungle time summore.

Day FOUR
Setting up base camps and Jungle. And setting up for Prayer day.

Day FIVE
Sexuality DAY. Haha...That was the main focus for that day! AFter the talks, had to do our usual Base Camp set-up and Cafe set-up.Had some time to rest and play UNO cards with Shu Lynn and Khareeza. And den played with Jonathan and Jian Sheng and Eu Jin. Jonathan is so damn funny!!! Jian Sheng also!! Hahaha......I like them! They are nice.

Day SIX
Prayer day. Facilitate one prayer station and had to set up the base camp extreme 2. Was at the Jungle. Had Hip-Hop dance! Joel Tan was invited. The ONLY official professional Hip-hop dance instructor in the entire Malaysia. The first Ofiicial Professional Hip-hop dance Instructor in South East ASia. Not bad eh. Owns the largest chain of hip-hop dance instruction bases. Woah. The participants really enjoyed the base camp and the dance!! Stayed up till about 0131 to clear the place.

Day SEVEN
last day of TeenStreet Malaysia 2005. Clearing up of the place!!! We had lots to clear. It was crazy....Tired.....Most of us can't move anymore. But, we had to clear the place before we left STM (Seminari Theologi Malaysia). Had dinner with the Speakers (Dan and Suzie Potter) together with Curt and Nikki. And I found out that Curt and Nikki are only 1 year older than I am!! THEy are already 2 years married lor!!! WOAH....Jealous betul!! hehe.... Of course Joshua and Josiah Potter were also there (both have their own sense of cuteness) and Nick was there too. Pari, Jin Ai, Foo Seng, Jerry, Wye Choon, Gim were there together with me and my sis. :) Left Seremban about 2030 and reached home about 2130. Aih....tired.....

Like I said, I learnt quite a bit from Dan and Suzie. I learnt from God by being in Service for HIM.

City Harvest Church Malaysia was our Worship Leaders for the past few days. Well, being brethen, of course we have different worship style from them. I don't despise the way they worship. However, I didn't really enjoyed the way they led worship as well. First of all, they were waay too loud. A good band will know how to adjust their loudness of their music to the space. Drums were way too loud. Electric guitarist was a show-off. Every sentence the worship leader said ended with an AMEN. Which doesnt make sense sometimes. EG: Let us stand up, AMEN? HUH????? Worship was too "ME" based. It's worship. It's God based!! Aih...differences! All that said, I worshipped and I enjoyed my time with God....

Working closely with Daniel, Eu Wei, James, Ruth, Wei Li, Christine, Mui Sia and Pai and Boy (both from Thailand) was fun!!! It was damn funny!!! Daniel is super organised and hard-working. Eu Wei does things quietly. James is a sweet talker (yucks) but helpful guy. :) Ruth reminds me of Pei Fen and Gloria in ONE. She is always on the ball and her laughter reminds me of Gloria. Wei Li and I share the same music interest! How cool is that. Hard to find! Christine is super duper helpful and funny!!! Mui Sia is a bit quiet. Didnt really get to know her. Pai is always with the newspaper. Boy is super blur and alwiz taking pictures!! A fun bunch to work with. I enjoyed working with them. :)

Now now now.....

I miss a few people tremendously. I miss Gloria. I wish she was here or I was there with her. I miss Weng Yan. I miss Yin Ngai. I miss Shelby. I miss MIFFY!! I miss Karen.

I got an email from Karen. I almost cried when I read it.
I miss Gloria. I know that she understands when I share. She cares and she loves. I miss our laughing sessions.
I miss Weng Yan. I've got lots to share with her.
I miss Yin Ngai. It's been so long since we've met up and talked!! Too long already...
I miss Shelby. The crazy Ang Mo girl whose company and friendship I enjoy and miss so much.
I miss miffy! I wish we can spend some time together. Yes, I just wish for your company and talking. Maybe because she understands what I'm going through eh. I love you girl.

Through TeenStreet, I realised how much these people mean to me. I realised how much I love them. I realised how much I love my family. I just had lunch with my youngest brother. 16 years gap is a LOT!! As I watch him eat and all, I really realised how much I really REAlly love him!!!

With all that has been going on, i'm seriously super exhausted. I do not have the time for a break. A good rest. i need one. I can't continue on like this. I will break down. I am physically, emotinally, mentally exhausted. I need a break. Please pray for me! I can only afford a break after 17th. Even then, I have lots to sacrifice. aih.....

God's been too good.

And God will continue to be good. I will continue to love God.....(even through the dark and tough times)

I pray I end the Race well!!!

Rest

I just wanna blog before I MIA for quite some time.

I'm tired.

The semester has already ended with my last paper yesterday afternoon. It's been a rather tiring semester. With being busy with Nav stuff beginning of the semester. Then, things slowed down a bit or rather, a few things got a bit more into a routine and stable after a while. By then, school work started to pile up. Ever since after the mid-term break, school work got a bit more intense. Emotional battle heighten up as well. aih.......... T I R E D.

Learning from the Lord about faith, loving people, patience, loving myself, humility, forgiveness, sin and justification. (Well, just to list a few things that the Lord has been teaching me throughout the semester and a few things that He is still teaching me)

I'm back in KL already. Lots of things to do. First, there's TeenStreet. I have a feeling I'm gonna need to be practising what the Lord has been teaching me. Woah. Not easy eh. Teaching you is one thing, practising it is another. Testing!!! Then, there's Exco Retreat and Christmas Party in Singapore. Then, back to KL. Gotta help Yin Ngai in her wedding preparation. Gotta have a bit more intense follow up with Serene esp. Hoping to do a bit more Bible Study with Serene and Diana. Hoping as well to encourage a fellow sister to seek God more and build on her relationship with God as she gets more involved in service for Him. Its so easy to serve and think you're all on the right track when you have parents who tells you what is right and what is wrong. And you basically do not to think too much. You know what is right or wrong because you have been brought up in the church. But, who is God really in your life?? Just a boundary marker to what is right and what is wrong? A guide to A Happy and Out-Of-Trouble Life? Hmmm....I donno. I'm not here to judge whether my that particular friend is walking with the Lord anot but it burdens me when I see that she is leading younger Christians. I mean, it's no light responsibility to lead a younger Christian. If you don't know what exactly, you're doing, you could easily be leading taht person astray unknowingly. Just want to encourage her and walk together with her. :)
With all these things in my mind, I still have to spend time with my family and build, of course, my siblings up as well. Not forgetting, spending time with friends eh.

Joshua already call me this morning to scold me for not telling him I've reached home!! haha....

Well Peeps, know that I love you and I would of course love to hang out with you guys as much as possible. But, God comes first. So, if I have to choose between doing HIS work and spending time with you guys, He comes first yeah. But, other than that, I will make time for you guys!! No worries......

My stomach again is not very well. I think I've been just a bit tired. Mind and body tired, stomach oso go haywire. Thank God got no headache.

This one month break is no real break really. One thing I really really need though is a personal retreat to spend some solid personal time with GOD. So, I really need to find time to do that.

Keep me in your prayers yeah.... :)

Thankzzzz......