Gary & others

Here’s your gary post!

Gary not only opened the door for me today in YIH study room he also said “Hello Jee Lee. I’ll see you tomorrow” with such a sweet smile!!! Aaaahhhhh… hahaha

And that’s the end of your gary post!

xxx

Now, onto more important things:

I was undecided as to whether I should attend nav rally today. I didn’t really want to go for it because I have work to be done and I wasn’t feeling too well. But, I was suppose to gather CCA points stuff and also the appreciation thing for huiyue. So, I went, albeit late. The songs spoke to me really! There were a few songs I weren’t familiar to but it really spoke what I was feeling!

I’m at a junction where I really need God and my heart feels like it’s going to blow! And I need God so much! And I know God is there! God is more faithful than anything else in the world!!! If all else fails, if everything else withers, God stands strong and His words!

And my heart just cry out, truly “woe am I for I am a woman with unclean lips” but God is faithful and just and will forgive us…and yes, there is much forgiveness needed. There’s so much for me be sorry about! Goodness.

And I echo one of Chris Tomlin’s song, which lines go:

“You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same.

You are amazing GOD!!”

Because people can’t even accept me for who they think I am on the outside, what more you who know the very depths of my heart – the dirtiest of all stains – and you still love me, you still send Christ to die for me, and for Jesus to take all the pain and suffering and mockery just to patch up my relationship with God. Oh God, forgive me for not seeing and treating you for who you really are!!!

errr....what is this about?

I will blog. But, I don’t promise you an interesting one. And nope, it’s not titled Gary!

The viruses have found me. I look forward to 14 hours of sleep only to remember that I have 2 tests coming up and an assignment due. There goes my dream! I hate seeing doctors so I will just make do with vit. C and panadols and sleep!!

Everyone is asking how was CNY. It was nothing to be proud of because I spent most of my time studying! (yes, how boring can that be rite?) and just lazing at home with family members. I didn’t visit friends or family (except for my great grandmother) because I needed to prepare for tests and assignments and catch up on all the readings. And because my father is the first child in his family, I get the privilege of staying home and having all the aunties and uncles and cousins coming over. So, I don’t need to move! Hah! But, it was really cool because I liked it – spending CNY with close relatives where smiles are not fake and they don’t ask me questions like, how old am I? what am I doing? Where am I studying? What do I plan to do after I graduate? So, it was all fun and good. I know it isn’t a time for mugging but I had to – I’m waaay behind my work and there’s just no way I can catch up with work if I didn’t study during the hols.

So much for holidays.

Surprisingly, I got quite a lot of angpows. Haha. CNY is not all about ang pows. But really, I’m quite surprised! I stayed home most of the time, but ang pows came to me. Haha, which was really cool! But, make me feel quite bad la…my siblings had to endure all the fake smiles and the heat and the boredom and I do nothing but I still get the red packets. It’s a blessing to have siblings who understand my need to stay home. Ah…

Coming back to Singapore was quite tough this time round. Don’t know why. Maybe I spent too much time at home. Maybe there was too much happiness around. Maybe it was cny. (I am Chinese afterall!)

But, I am back here and thankfully, I have work to occupy me.

Be of good cheer...

I left Singapore yesterday but with much hassle.

My bus from Larkin was at 6pm. At 5pm, I was still in NUS. Class ended at 4:30pm. I manage to get a cab only at 5:10pm. Traffic was heavy (understandably) so to cut a very long story short, i reached Larkin at 6:40pm and the bus left without me of course. Thank God, I got another bus which left at 7:15pm for RM25. Much to thank God for. One, that I still manage to get a bus last minute and for the usual price. The bus wasn't in too bad a condition. There was no accident despite the rain. I reached KL safely at 12midnight.

If I choose to, there was much to complain about yesterday. But, i shall dwell on how good God is. Yesterday, being post v-day, Dr. Ooi gave us double-shot of chocolate. How nice of him right?! Michelle made heart-shaped pineapple tarts for us. Adeline made orange cup-cakes. Woah, feel so loved man. So, before I left, I hugged the EL bunch good-bye, Happy CNY, and belated V-day. Haha. And matt commented: why you guys behaving like it's graduation? haha. I briefly explained to him what the hugs were for. But, it was still something pretty funny. But, my point is this: I overheard him comment to Hui: What a close-knitted bunch! And Hui said: Yeah. So nice and cosy!

Yeah, I agree with them. We're a bunch of close-knitted friends, and we have a very pleasant and cosy friendship! haha....

And being Malaysian is really such a blessing - coz we're muhibah....

On wednesday, Edgar commented that I looked like a malay. On Thursday, a taxi driver commented that I look a little like an Indian. People have asked me if i was malay but that was purely because I can sound like one. Edgar said I looked like a malay coz he saw me without much light, so looking rather tanned. But, indian? HUH? How does a chinese look indian? You tell me. And the best part was he said my nose looked like an indian nose. Woah. My eyes are completely chinese - that's undebatable. But my nose are very flat too....how is that indian-looking? He asked me if my father was indian. NOPE. I have indian friends??? haha.

I say it's because i'm Malaysian. We have all the different races blood in each of us. We can look whatever we want...haha.....

Happy Chinese New Year people... :)

love is all around...

Valentine's Day is all hyped-up. But you never realise how crazy people are over V-Day until you step foot into Singapore. It took Radika to help me realise this. Never in KL have I ever seen people going crazy the way these Singaporeans do. Yea, it is all commercialised but in NUS, it's too commercialised. All along the walkway, there is no way you will not remember that it is valentine's day.

V-Day has never been special for me, not because I've never celebrated it before, but I never understood why the craziness. Imagine buying any gifts that cost at least double the price? Gosh, I rather he pick a flower than buy them. Haha. Better still, no flowers!! Just something special will do.

For rally today, I think it was special because if V-day is all about love, it was a good idea to be reminded of all the different kinds of love - not just boy-girl.

Celebrate love!! But remember there are so many different types of love…so many!

Oh the other hand, I'm one purist too - maybe a bit reductionist now - but, I also think V-day is special for couples!! So, let couples do their thing. For us not attached, we have a Lover (notice the caps L) too to celebrate it with.

V-day is special but so are other days. It is just how much you make out of each day, ain't it?

And oh, I met Gary again today - there's something very unique about him and I can't say what exactly. Hmm….

Count every blessing...

I walked to YIH today to collect exam results slip. And while i was in YIH, i thought i'd buy lunch for Mich and Val since they always come late to class because they have to grab lunch. So, while waiting for Mich's reply regarding lunch, I met Gary and oh well, I ended up having lunch with him. And I must say, it was very pleasant getting to know him more. He is an extremely interesting person! Yeah, truly!

Blessing of the day! haha....

His grace is sufficient...

The past week has been like a mild roller-coaster ride.

Monday and Tuesday were pretty good days. And then, the ride down the emo lane started. And it’s been hanging thereabouts since then. I’ve been trying hard to just keep up the good cheer, the joyful spirit and I think I still am joyful and happy but there are times when the down sides of life gets to me and I feel a little overwhelm and sad. I try to rely on God for joy and for hope, despite all the happenings. I’ve been reading Psalms a little bit more these days and just being reminded of how God has been there for David all the time is so comforting to me. Truly, 2 Cor 12:9 has been a great source of comfort to me throughout this week too – And HE said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

And there’s this song that goes:

It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways

And I keep reminding myself that even though there are a lot of things which I wish happened my way, God is sovereign and He is in control. My life is not my own and all that happens is His and I pray that it may bring glory and fame to Him. It’s not about me.

Like today, I went for the MOE interview. As I was preparing for it, I was just asking God: “Lord, how honest should I be?” And it immediately seemed like a dumb question. So, I said “Okay, as honest as I should be!” next worry, “what if I don’t get the job?” answer: “Well, God decides where I should go…” oh yah. I forgot! So, I went to the interview, having the above song in my head, reminding myself that however I do in my interview, whether I get the job or not, is in God’s hands and whatever the outcome may be, God has deemed it to be so. And He is sovereign. Do I surrender to His will? Do I say “God, may Your will be done”? Do I say “It’s not about me but it’s all about YOU. It’s not for me but for your glory and fame”? I guess, at the end of the day, whatever happens, truly God has so desired it to be. And, yeah…I want to say it…I want God’s name to be glorified above mine. Please la…it’s my name we’re talking about. What is there to glory in? hah! But, God is good. Coz throughout the interview, I really was able to be as honest as I can. Although I spoke to someone else and she said “yeah, honest oso don’t need to put yourself down mar”…true, I didn’t put myself down. But I was honest lor…as honest as I can be…and I think, more than just getting the job, I want to glorify God’s name through it all…And today, as I was walking out of the house, I wished I had accompany. And guess what? When I reached MOE, I saw Xuanwan and Cheryl. Wow. God is really good!

That’s why throughout the emo roller-coaster ride, I can still smile and say “God is good” from the bottom of my heart. Not because circumstances are improving but because there’s that sense of peace, knowing that it is all in God’s hands. And that God will take care of everything. At the end of it all, I know that God’s name should be glorified, not my own. When my eyes see beyond myself and see how good God is, I am joyful!!

xxx

Here are just some pictures taken throughout the week:

Chocolate Brownie at Munchie Monkey in NUS. Event: Celebrating Janice's birthday. The first time in the semester where we gathered the whole group. :)

Campus Crusade's Valentine's Day concert entitled: Victim, Villain, Valentine. I didn't really feel up to it but went ahead in the end. :) It was okay la...nothing fantastic but praise God for the responses through the concert. :)

The delicious and super healthy cake Michelle baked for Janice!!!! :)

Stressed but quite happy.

I'm taking this module called "Bible and Christianity" and it's so heavy! Gosh. In two weeks, I have 7 chapters to read. Oh, what is wrong with this man?? He's crazy. And I think my tutor is crazy too. She wants to give us a mini quiz this coming week for the book we've just finished reading. Yeah, 7 chapters, seven!!! I'm going nuts trying to just read everything. And there's no way I'm going to be able to read another book in time for my tutorial. I mean, there's 8 chapters in the book that we're suppose to read and gosh, one week? No way. I have an assignment due the following week and it's 40%. So, I'm trying my best to juggle work and rest and ministry so please do pray very hard for me. I'm going nuts.

I am seldom this busy. So many people have said "Jee Lee, you seem to be very bogged down with work recently…" and my answer would be: "You have no idea…" I mean, yeah, you still see me smiling as if there isn't a care in the world but I am stressed la. Mel saw me on Wed and she said "Why are you always so happy?" And the truth is: I'm not always happy but I smile because other people deserve to be greeted with a smile. But other than that, I am stressed. I am not sad. So I smile as usual. :)

The power of a smile is tremendous!! The power of singing is great!!! The power of a joyful spirit is indescribable!!! The joy of the Lord is my strength!! :)


Oh, thanks Shel for the publicity for "Walking Her Home" - It is so sweet. I've been wanting Mark Schultz's latest album - Broken & Beautiful!! Have you listened to Broken and Beautiful? It's very nice too…:) Check it out here!!

Reflection

I don't really like presentations. And I had two today. Well, the first one went pretty alright, I think, although my fellow group mates were pretty disappointed. Well, understandable because my very slack tutor did not give us any clue to what he expects from us. So, we squeeze out whatever creative juice we have out of our brains and came up with a pretty interesting presentation. Gah! At the end of it, he said something like "Next week's group, remember to not follow this pattern of presentation". Argh! You should have said something earlier!!! Oh well, it's done. And I'm pretty pleased that we all did our preparation and it went pretty well. I enjoyed it!

An hour later, I was due for another presentation. This time, alone and together with it, came its good and bad. It is good because there's no group meetings, anal stuff to handle, basically having a group presentation can be pretty complex and irritating. The bad part about handling a presentation all on your own is precisely that - you're all alone! Means, you do A LOT of research and you do it all alone. There's nobody to lend you a helping hand and you're left to learn to swim on your own! I wouldn't have complained so much had the topic been a little easier! 3 topics of presentation in one lecture and none of it sound familiar! My topic was on syntagmatic and paradigmatic. I breathe a sigh of relief now because it's over!!! But, oh boy, it was hard trying to figure out what syntagmatic & paradigmatic was all about. I had to read every single article that Dr. Ooi put up, which meant that there were many extra readings to do in a week. So, finally, after reading all the readings he put up, I had a sliiiight idea of what syntagmatic & paradigmatic was all about. BUT, I can't just have a slight idea of what it is. I am afterall, suppose to present it in the class. So, I have to get books from the library, google it, wikipedia it…and yeah, that's about it. So, gathering all sorts of readings and having read through all, I then had a problem, which was: information overload. So, I have to give a 10 minute presentation on something that I had no idea of in the beginning but had too much at the end. I had a hard time trying to decide what to include and what not to include in the presentation. Thank God, HE helped me figure that since it is only going to be 10 minutes, I don't need to be all-encompassing. Cover the basics and pray it will be good enough. So, yeah.

But, I still feel sucky about the presentation. Okay, I rehearsed my presentation last night to jiaying. It was her idea. It's not something that I would usually do but I thank God for it because while rehearsing, I realised that woah, I didn't know how to explain syntagmatic & paradigmatic properly. Yeap, I had problems. So, I kinda wrote down a script. Haha! Talk about feeling incompetent! So, I was super nervous and the room was very cold, so I was shivering! And so I prayed. And before my turn came, the postgraduate student walked in. And Ade and Mich looked at me and say "All the best". Yeah. Coz, it's so pressurising to present to the class when you know that there's a "stranger" who is in class and even if he is not paying attention to whatever I say, he can judge if I'm saying the right thing or if I suck in presentations or whatever it is. It is stressful - and yes, unnecessary stress!!! I thought I was going to die. I almost couldn't put my thumbdrive in. Sigh. Pray super hard! God is good! At the end of it, I don't know if I did well but I guess, my objective to explain the concepts well to my peers was met. Ade said she understood what was going on. So, that was a very encouraging sign. But of course, Matthew said he found my topic a bit abstract. So, that wasn't very encouraging! Nonetheless, I'm glad it's done and I think I didn't do that bad. In fact, I think people understood it.

3 long paragraphs on my presentation and I've still not gotten down to writing what I really want to write about. Talk about being long-winded!

Just today I was thinking, "aih, sometimes it's so much about me and so little about God" And during our presentation today, Janet made a comment (it was a religion module): Humans have made religion to suit themselves, for self-help, self-motivation…" And before I open my mouth to rebut her, I realise what she said is true. It's suddenly all about us. God bless us. God do this for us, do that for us, blah blah blah. When is it about God? When is it about glorifying HIS name? When is it that it is not about us? Difficult to pin-point a time.

Many people don't see me as someone materialistic and I am not severely materialistic (if there is even a need for differentiating this) but I am. There are many things in the world that I want and it is difficult to say "Okay God, everything is yours - including all the things I've wanted"…But, by God's grace, I have been able to say it from time to time and I know that deep down, I want to live my life for Christ, even though sometimes I wish for the things of the world.

Who ever said denying our selves and carrying our own cross daily was easy eh? Haha… But, God is good because He has promised to be there for us till the very end of age. He has sent us HIS helper - the Holy Spirit. He has done so much. So much that we are undeserving of. We have received much grace!!

Yeah. God is good. I want to live my life differently for Christ!!!