Beauty and the Beast

Am now listening to Disney's Forever. From The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Hercules, Lion king, Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Mulan, Tarzan, Toy Story and Fantasia 2000. How COOL is that lar!!!!

I had a pretty productive day. Manage to go finish going through my lecture notes. So, pretty happy. :)

Emotionally, pretty melancholic today. I wonder why. I mean, I normally get pretty happy that I'm having a productive day. I was studying and half-way through I just suddenly decide to go to the canteen to have lunch. I wasn't even hungry!!! I didn't even ask anyone around me whether they wanna go and eat anot. I wanted to be alone!! Let me tell you something about Jee Lee that everyone should know. Jee Lee never eats alone!! I hate eating alone. I will rather not eat than to eat alone. I just can't bear that!! So, my decision to eat alone was so strange!! Got my Bible and went down to the canteen and was reading a chapter of Romans...I even saw Fen and even said Hie to her but decide not to sit with her! That's strange!!

Anyway....I think I really have lots of things going on in my head and that's to a certain extent affecting how I am feeling. I wish I knew why but I will figure it out after my exams - if I can find the time. Yeap....

I was just thinking about Bryan today. Reminiscing a little bit of our friendship esp during late secondary school years....Well, that was how it all started. Before that, I only knew Bryan as this super popular and naughty boy from the smart class. Bryan only knew me as the popular, noisy, care-free girl from his next-door-class. (that was what he told me). After streaming, we were both suprised to find each other in the same class. To a certain extent, there was a threat to our 'popularity'. hahaha....But, most of his friends were my friends too and his (then) best friend is my best friend too. So, inevitably, we became close too. Plus, he sat next to me in class. We were close but we had our arguments too. But, the one thing about our friendship that I miss is that we came to understand each other real fast. And we really understood each other. It's so nice to have a friend who understands you very well. Understands you very well and accepts you. I miss that. Honestly, I've been really blessed with many of such friends.... :)

Only sometimes I wish I am able to find a friend in Singapore with whom I can 'click' so well with. Not just a friend who share the same interest and talk the same nonsense but share the same seriousness in respect with spiritual matters.

It is because friends like this are really hard to get that I really appreciate WengYan and YinNgai!!!

Of course there are also plenty of other friends whom I thank God for!! :)

Edit : WengYan is now at National Conference (NC) with a few other Life Chapel members. So sad, I can't send sms to her coz got no signal up in Peace Haven! So sad.... :(

Sweating

The reason i sweat is because it's such a warm day! Goodness gracious me! It's so warm...argh!

I didn't know that Samuel and uncle Min Choon is still in Singapore. I thought the conference over edi and they are gone back home edi. Didn't know that they were still in Singapore. David msged me this morning saying that he was suprised to see Sam and uncle Min Choon in Bethesda Ang Mo Kio. Hehe....Well, when most Life Chapel members come to Singapore, they always end up worshipping in Ang Mo Kio. I'm not there because it's too far. I worship in AMK's sister church. So, still fine! :) hahaha....

I spoke to Vignesh about Bryan three days ago. He made a very mind-boggling statement. Aih.... I hope he's not right but I guess, this is something I have to seek God about.
I have been talking to Radika about Alex for the past 2 days. Aih.... Sometimes things like this just catches you off-guard.

Well, I've got 1 more paper left. It's on wednesday and I don't really feel like studying for that module. It's a crap module. But I like the lecturer. Haha....This always happens for the last module. I get so sianz edi and I'm enticipating for holidays so much that I'm not bothered about my last paper. Wrong attitude!!! Soo wrong!!! Aih...

I'm gonna rest now. I'm tired. I know I have some thoughts in my head that is causing me to be a little unhappy. But, I do not want to think. I shall think about them after my last paper. Bleah.

I've been often ignored by a lot of people lately. That suckz. But, it's alrite! :)
I shall go to bed and think about what have I done lately that makes me deserve this treatment. Sometimes I irritate people and don't treat people well. I can be a very evil child! :(

Goodnight.....

Smile...

May this be short!

EL 2101 - Structure of Sentences and Meaning is over! I have one more paper left on the 30th - Culture and Society! MPSH 2 is very cold!

Bumped into tall Ian Han today. :)

Went to Suntec with Radika. She shopped quite a bit. I bought some things myself too. Had quite a good time together. We haven't been able to spend much time together but I decided last night that I needed to go out! So, better kill 2 birds with 1 stone rite? I mean, I haven't been able to find time to hang out with her ever since she came to Singapore. So, it's good to hang out with her! :) We had quite a fun time...

I'm soo into Mark Schultz lor....He doesn't sing very well. His diction got a bit problem wan! He drags and eats his words too much. But he plays the piano very well!! And the words to his songs are very beautiful as well. Mark Schultz and Jim Brickman did a duet together! Two very good pianist coming together....WOW. Awesome!

Just finished watching a Korean movie with Miao Yue and Li Fang. Cry cry cry....Sad sad sad.

I had a good day today. Paper was good. Good time in Suntec. Good time back home. Good day!

I've to start studying for SC2206 - Culture and Society soon. My paper is on Wednesday at 1pm.
:)

I wanted to get Cheaper by the Dozen. Tom Welling is so cute. Although I know Lex Luthor from Smallville is not bad either. U know one thing that attracts me to Tom Welling more than Micheal Rosenbaum? It is Tom Welling's smile. Hahaha..... There is something thateveryone notices in a person of the opposite sex first (and probably that determines the attractiveness of that person). I notice the smile. I notice the smile of everyone la. Not just the opposite sex. A beautiful smile is precious! :)

Goodnite....

A sinner loved...

I try to run away so much that I waste so much time. I run away from schoolwork by hanging out in the co-op. I run away from my feelings by focusing on other things. I run away from going back to studies by trying to find attractive things in the co-op so that I can stay longer there.

I am a disgusting person! I haven't spoken to Beverly in about a week already. As in, we haven't had any heart-to-heart talks. Today, I said somethings to her and she told me things that I already know but refuse to do anything about it because I tried but it hurts so much and it didn't really work, so I gave up trying. At the end of the conversation, I turned to her and said "It's not that I don't know. But, you know how much it hurts? I tried. Cannot. So...forget it lar!" I walked out! I am horrible!! I am disgusting!!! I walk out on a conversation!!! I am darn bloody rude! What an arse!!!

Aih.....

Julia wants to have a bonding time on the 30th. Hmmm...have we forgotten that Noel has a paper on the 1st? I miss talking to Noel. Liren is in Bintan! I miss him too...I miss Hui Li. I haven't been speaking to her much. Forgive me!!

Only yesterday I was talking to Gloria and she made this comment "I never believed in pampering myself" I felt damn guilty! Every year, I'd pamper myself. I think I have not been doing that for some years already but I used to. I still remember going to Shangri-La for High-Tea once every-year. That's really pampering myself!! I buy a pressie for myself every year for my birthday. (Incase no one buys anything for me.) haha....Weird thing was that I didnt buy anything for myself this year. I can't remember whether I bought anything for myself last year anot. But, I have made up my mind to not waste money on myself anymore. It's weird that I take so long to finally decide not pamper myself. Although I don't really spend very much on pampering myself, and it doesnt make much of a difference if I used that money to pamper myself or not. But, I guess....there's something more deserving of me spending my money on than myself. No, it's not that I think myself lowly!! I mean, yes, I give back to God. I save like crazy in order that I can give God more. But, there's really no sense if I save on food just to give God an extra $2 or $3 dollar but I don't mind spending $ 20-30 on myself. What nonsense!!!!

I appreciate friends like Su tremendously. Our friendship only grew stronger after we both started to serve in the Youth Fellowship together rite? When friends are willing to call you all the way from Malaysia just to talk to you, knowing that you're not doing too well, I appreciate it tremendously!! With friends like this, I don't need a bf. Muahaha...But, Su, once u're attached, I'd probably need someone to fill that gab edi. :(

Me : Su, why does it hurt so much?
Su : Because when u care alot about someone,it just hurts to know u don't mean the same to them.
Su: and sometimes..it hurts because we trying to rebel against God's will for us

I don't know what I am doing. I am confused. Like a friend once said, I'm loving not hoping for anything in return. Not even the love reciprocated. Maybe it's silly. Maybe it's stupid. I even tried looking at every guy and saying "See, he's better". Yet, at the end of the day, I know I cannot lie to myself and I know I cannot deny the feeling. Although I see how things will be much better if I just give up and let things be the way it used to be. But, if I know God has said that He wants to teach me something through this and rite now, it's not the time to give up yet, then I cannot disobey rite? Although honestly, I really really want to give up. It hurts waaaay tooo much! But, God's will be done!!

I'm no special person. I'm just an ordinary person. With a huge heart for India and I sooo want to go round the world, for the seemingly holiest reasons ever, for missions!!! Believe me, I might seem holy to some of you, but I am waaaay faaar from that!!! Trust me, I am a horrible, disgusting, terrile, atrocious sinner!!! I am not sweet! I am not nice! I am horrible!! I am disgusting. I am not looking down on myself. I am being truthful. I don't see in myself anything that's worth loving. But, it is really for that reason alone that I am amazed at how much God loves me. "Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." There's just too much to be forgiven of in me. That's why I am often amazed and how much God loves me!! I believe it takes a lot for someone to love me! That is why I will never stop giving thanks to God for those of you who took on the challenge to love me. hehehe....

Going crazeee

It's 3am and here I am blogging. I came home at 10pm. Had some time of sharing with Gloria as we were suppose to be praying with one another. Half way through our sharing, Jing and Julia enters the kitchen. Then, I had sharing with Julia. We ended at 12 midnite. I came out to grab my books to start my revision. Close to 1am, me and Hui Yue starts talking. She was sharing.....

Aih.....

Ex-co!!! I have failed!! Ok, I used to think I've failed tremendously because I have not been able to help the Exco to bond. It is under my portfolio. I have not done anything to foster that. Aih!! I would reason out "Difficult lar...all guys leh. Oni me and Feli are girls." I don't know how to go about doing it. It's not that I don't feel guilty anymore. I still do at times. I know that everytime someone complains about how the exco is doing, the first thought that comes to mind is "Sorry! It's my fault! It's my mistake! I have failed!" Aih.... But the thing that burdens me more is this: If the President and the Vice-President are not in talking terms, how can I expect the rest of the exco to bond? It's ridiculous. And, things are not getting anywhere better. I have failed!!! I have been putting my disappointments, hurts, feelings, thoughts above my responsibility, my calling....I have failed!!!

God, please forgive me!!! Please help me!!

Was suppose to go out for dinner with Samuel tmr nite. But, he might not be able to make it. So sad!! :(

I can't blog properly now that my mind is all on about how I have failed. Aih....

My mommy burned her hand today. Someone poured boiling oil onto her hand!!! Poor Mommy!!! This is only the first day of VBS lor....how is my mommy gonna cook for the next 2 days?? Oh man....Lord, please heal mommy's hand!! The entire family is busy with VBS. I called home just now and spoke to Jee Leng. She sounds super duper tired.

I am hungry now. I wish my mommy is here to cook for me. Hehehe.....or my sister or brother. I always bully them to cook supper for me. Muahahaha......I'm an evil child!

Still, I have failed...Lord, may You please forgive me and help me.....ARRRGGGhhh

SORRY Lord.....

Sometimes God asks me to do something so difficult that I tell God "Can You please don't ask me to do something like that can anot? So painful. So difficult. Do it my way, can?" I can't believe how disobedient I am! How rebellious I am!! Aih.......God, Save me!!! I don't want to go where You won't be.

Nothing is perfect - I am not neither is the day... :)

I've decided to blog early today. If you notice my blog posts are usually after midnight. I'm not gonna study tonite. That's because my next paper is on Saturday and it's EL2101 - Structure of Sentences and Meaning. In more linguistic term, it's Syntax and Semantics. Anyway, it's an open book paper, just like most English Language papers. I'm not too worried about that paper although I haven't been performing well and for once i'm afraid I'll fail. However, God challenged me to do something about my studies and so therefore, I shall have faith!! :)

Anyway, I had 2 papers today. One at 9am and another at 1pm. Aih...I was super duper sleepy lor. So, I was wondering whether I can be awake for my papers today. Thank God though! It was alrite. My Phonology and Morphology paper today was quite tough! Aih, these papers are always difficult. Especially when you know that there's negative marking. Why does ENGLISH have negative marking? It's not a matter of life and death wert! Maybe I don't really understand the implication of language in our every day lives and especially English! My exam paper really makes me feel it doesn't do justice to the amount of readings I've done. Not because I've been hardworking in my readings but there's so much of readings yet the answers that are required of us are really really short! It's so short that it makes me feel like I'm doing primary school mathematics!! Aih......Come to think of it, it's so weird because English Language in University is like Mathematics!! How strange!!

Today has been a tremendously good day! After my 9am paper, I went to the canteen. Saw Fen there and joined her for breakfast. Was then suppose to be studying. So, I took out my notes to do last minute read through my notes before my paper at 1pm. I saw Fen's churches song book. We started singing. She was also preparing for a paper today. Muahaha.....We ended up singing. Adrian was sitting not too far from us, he looked at us with a weird expression coz we were holding onto our notes but we were singing praise songs!! hahah...Craziness rite? Anyway, time for exam...got up and went to exam place....AS6.

Once there, Janice pull me aside and asked me a few questions. And then, we hug each other and gave each other our best wishes and den it was "Ok, THIS is it!!" Walk down the hall wishing almost all that I know, "All the best ah" and then I saw Shao Zhen and then I exclaimed "Oh my goodness, can you believe it? I'm sitting next to you!!" Wooah....Both of us super suprised but pretty happy. Then Hong Peng comes walking in and then I said "ALL the best ah" and then he says "Yeah, you too....eh, you sitting here ar? I tot I'm sitting here." Then I said "Yah meh? What's your number? Mine is....erm, 25" Opps......I was sitting at his place. I quickly got my stuff and look for my table. haha....Man, the people near us who witnessed what happened really laughed their heads off lor. haha...Before exam we edi laughing like gila. Haha...

I'm now talking to Cuong and he's not exactly completely happy with a decision I made. :(

So, after the exams, I go to the library to look for people to have lunch with me. All not free! :( So, i thought...aiyah...nvm la...go to the canteen and see whether got people there to eat with me anot. I was pretty sure that Fen and Adrian will be there. So, as I was walking, a deep voice come behind me and say "Excuse me." Aiyoh...I turn and look behind, it was MATTHEW! Goodness! There's sooo much space to walk lar. Must walk behind me wan meh! So naughty!! So, we talked about his paper and then because he was alone and I was alone, so we had lunch together. I noticed something very similar between us. We react the same way to the things that people say. His friends joined us and they were making funny statements. Matt and I would just look at each other and make funny faces and then we'd end up laughing at the way the two of us react the same way to what people say. haha....

I went and disturb Fen and Adrian and Jasmine after that. Well, I actually wanted to just drop by to wish her "All the best" but ended up sitting with Adrian and doing funny funny things. Muahaha. Alicia kept repeating my surname over and over again. What is wrong with her man? So naughty!! ;p Hehe.....Adrian, Alicia and Mark Szto decided to take out their IC and their matric card and started laughing at how each other looked at the age of 12. Haha....It was a pretty funny thing. How Mark keep saying, "I'm old now!! I'm old"....hahahah

Su called! :) I'm glad u thought of me. You'll see me soon!! Hehehe...

When Adeline came back (from seeing her friend), she got Adrian's guitar and the both of us were very happily singing. I miss those times when we (a bunch of friends) will just sit and then we start singing - with or without musical instruments. yeap... :)

Clement is very evil! No la...He's quite nice but a bit cynical at times. Aiyah.....hehehe...but its amazing how we've not known each other for very long but we're comfortable talking funny funny things with each other! And then Matthew (different one from the lunch Matt) offered me Chocolates. I've never spoken to Matthew before. I've never even made eye-contact with him before. We talked as if we knew each other for some time already. Goodness!! They (Clement, Matthew, Adrian and Adeline) did something so super embarassing. They sang and Adrian make actions for the songs they sung. Me and Jasmine just look away - embarassed. I see why Adrian is such an attraction to girls...hahaha. He's a clown! Got free clown service not good ar? heheh....

It was a very happy day today.

..........

I think it be very sweet for him to sing this to her. When I first heard this song, the only thing that ran through my mind was "Oh boy, this song is so appropriate for him to sing to her." I'm sure he will do so on their wedding day! So happy for them! :)

He packed his bags when he was just 18
To see a world he thought he'd never seen
But he knew when he met her
That she was the girl
He'd been waiting for

And each night they spent talking on the front porch swing
And like it came straight out of a movie scene
But one night she stepped out as the sun began to set
When she got to the porch she found a letter that read

You're the only girl I'll ever love
And I'd do anything not to give you up
If I could only stop the world
When you're standing by my side
See I'm having the time of my life
Yes, I'm having the time of my life

The months went by it was their wedding day
A church on a hill wedding bells rang away
She looked like a princess
All dressed up in pearls
It was her proudest day

And he stood all alone in a darkened church hallway
He got down on his knees and he started to pray
He thanked the Lord for his family and the perfect bride
But he couldn't hold back what he was feelin' inside
And he said

She's the only girl I'll ever love
And I'd do anything not to give her up
If I could only stop the world
When she's standing by my side
See, I'm having the time of my life
Yes, I'm having the time of my life

Forty years went by and she lived most of God's plan
She stood alone in an attic, wedding dress in her hand
And she held an old letter written so long ago
But she'd never forget it
No matter how old

And as she turned to put the dress away
And pack up the years
He was standing in the doorway
With his eyes full of tears
And he held her

'Cause you're the only girl I'll ever love
And I'd do anything not to give you up
If I could only stop the world
When you're standing by my side
See I'm having the time of my life
Yes, I'm having the time of my life

Somehow, a good day ends with a not-so-happy note. Somehow, the heart is crushed but its still inside there....
Some people cry easily. I wish I was like that (Well, at least when I want to lar!)

Cool....

It rained non-stop today. So, it's very cold now. It's been very cold the whole day today. I like it when it's cold but not when I freeze. Hmmm....

Ok, I'll make this really short. I've got 2 papers tmr. Technically today because it's already 1:14am. Bleah. My first paper is at 9am and my second is at 1pm. Argh! Back to back!! Nvm, after tmr, I should be more relaxed. Since my next paper will be on saturday and it's an open-book paper - EL 2101 - Structure of Sentences and Meaning. Bleah....and then, there's another one on the 30th - SC2206 - Culture and Society.

Today the sky seem extraordinarily low. Yeah! Maybe coz of the clouds....

Sarah said: It aches when the person you like don't like you back. It also aches when the person you like, likes you back but you can't do anything about it.

I donno which one is better. But I never liked to be stuck in either one situation. Either one suckz anyway!

I'll go and sleep now and pray that I won't dream. I hate to dream especially when I have to sit for exams the next day. Other than that, I like to dream. But lately, my dreams have not been very pleasing dreams. So, I rather not dream. Hehe.....If there'll be a dream, let it be a non-scary dream of me being in India. That'll be sweet!! :)

Cheers~

(For once, a short post!)

Faith, Hope and Love....

I'm listening to this really catchy song by Mark Schultz called Faith, Hope and Love...It's very nice! Mark Schultz plays the piano really well!! I love the piano so much. I love the composition when all instruments are put together. Woah....the amazing thing about music!! One cannot not appreciate music. Beautiful. Simply magnificient. Music is an international language!!

I'm feeling better now. People got a little worried by my previous posts. And yes, It's damn demoralising to be thinking that you've not been pleasing to God. But, honestly, I'm not too sure whether it was from God or was it a lie that the devil was planting. But no matter what or how I look at it, definitely there were things in my life that weren't very pleasing to Him. For that, I still am darn sorry to God. And you know how it's so much easier to think about the lovey dovey thing about our relationship with God and then, try to find justification for why we think we should be forgiven? If I was in the wrong, it doesnt make sense to go to God and say "Yes Lord, I've sinned. Sorry. But I know you'll forgive me anyway coz you love me. So thanks yeah" Wah...of course there is also no condemnation in Christ Jesus. But to be clinging onto the lovey dovey thingy can be quite dangerous rite? I donno. Maybe I am wrong. I didn't go to God and say all those above today. I sulked. Yeah, I told God I sucked!! I told God I'm a real pest....(which btw, He already knows) But, I poured everything to HIM. About how I felt and God slowly comforted me.

First day of exam for me. El2151 - Social Variation in English. Aih...This module is darn unpredictable lar. It's quite difficult lar. I mean, why do variation happen in English? There's waaay too many explanations to it....Anyway, I walked to LT 8 with Adeline. Shaun caught my attention and asked me about Implicational Scale. Erm, It's a scale that shows the implication of languages and also language shift? hehe..yah, THANKS a lot yah Jee Lee. That helps A LOT. Wah...so sarcastic lor. Anyway, went in for exam. No peace at all lar. I normally walk into exam hall, even if donno anything oso i won't freak out wan. This time i got a bit scared. PLUS, I've had at least 3 rounds of revision for this module. YES, three rounds!! Crazy rite?? I later found out that I was without peace because I was depending on my own strength! Aih....See la, Major big time SINNER....

Half way through my first exam, i felt damn sleepy! I felt like my brain was already shutting down. Oh no!!! God, Help!!! Ok la. Stupid decision. I slept only for 2 hours the previous nite. So, GOD, save me!!!! Glad He did!!! A few minutes later, my brain was back on track....then, 2nd question. What is diglossia suppose to mean?? Aiyoh....how to compare wih post-creole continuum? Oh no...which one to use to explain the standard of Singapore English?? God, U tell me the answer can?? I really blank liao. If i donno the meaning of diglossia, i cannot do this question. God proved Himself faithful again. Thank U Lord....I think God was really teaching me to be vulnerable and rely on HIM....and He choose to teach me that during my exams!!!!

ANyway, had a good time praying today. It's been a long time since we prayed for each other. As in, with Jeremy and James. Yeah. Just sharing and praying for one another. So, yeap! It was good sharing time and good praying for one another!

I'm about 90% sure going for TeenStreet. But will want to talk to someone from the nav staff first. If i can't find someone to talk to, i'll just register with Jin Ai first! Anyway, yeah.....

There's this someone that I care for....and I love...and I hope she will feel better soon. It pains me to see u hurt. To see u do the thing you are doing. Coz like i said, I know what u're going through. Maybe its not the best way to go about doing other things. It doesnt mean less pain, but if God wanna use this to grow you, will you say NO?

Ok la.....

Today no rain. But darn cloudy. Moon oso cannot see, what more the stars.... :(

I wished it rained and clear the sky of the clouds and then maybe I can see more stars...

Ok...nite nite....

When ur head starts questioning...

I've just had 2 hours of sleep.

I got this postcard from Jia Ying and she says this :

I always remember your MSN nick : "To give to God beautifully"

Aih.....

And then I look at the description of my blog.

SIGH.....

And I feel I've drifted so far from God. I feel so sinful. I feel so unlovely. I feel horrible. I try to justify and say things like "No wat, I still walk close to God. I still seek Him concerning things. I still put Him first." This are all lies. All the lies that I tell myself. I am super duper sinful. Super duper big liar. Super duper horrible.

I struggle with issues that God has already shown direction. Why can't I be more obedient? Why can't I be more faithful? Don't I know that I cannot, by any means, please God without faith? Don't I know that?? I KNOW!!! But still, I am so damn stubborn. Sure, I have my fears but should these fears surpass God's love for me? Should it? Of course NOT. But, I still fear. Fear so much that I dowan to seek His voice. I am horrible. I am useless.

I feel damn demoralise. To know that my Father in Heaven is not pleased with me, trust me, it's super damn demoralising. I'm a hypocrite. I say I love God but the things that I do do not complement my words.

I have not tried to give to God beautifully. At least I know I can settle for a standard lower. How dare I!!! How dare I degrade what is due to God!! How dare I!!!! God deserves much more.....God deserves sooooooooooooo much more.....

I am sooooOooOooo Sorry Lord....

I feel worse than shit and I've got a paper later.

I deserve a slap on the face....oh wait, more than that!!!

I feel absolutely sinful. I'm sooo sorry Lord.

Much to write about nothing

I'm still trying to finish my dinner at 1:17am. Yeah. This is crazy. I have no idea why but I dont feel hungry. I didnt even feel hungry when it was dinner time. Aih...my tummy behaves weirdly.

I went to accompany Liren to study in the library today. He la!! 10 minutes in the library alone and then he complains feel lonely. So, I said, ok la....I'll come to study together with u. hehe.... I went because a fellow brother complains he is bored and he say he feels like shit. So, ok la. If it is within my means to help u not feel so shitty, of course I will lar rite. Plus, I was also planning to study. So, it doesnt make much of a difference, whether I study in the library or at home. I was home alone anyway. So, it's good to have company oso wert. So, there were selfish reasons too. I told liren, " I accompany you, you accompany me" :) And btw, i'm not complaining. I enjoy spending time with Liren. It's always fun!! He's a pal to me.....Brother, I miss talking to you the way we did when we stayed in PGP.

Liren blogged a few days ago about how when your best friend gets attached and then married, your friendship with him/her ends there. esp if ur best friend is of the opposite sex. It's not that I don't understand the sentiments but I think best friends will remain best friends even tho they're attached. I guess, thats what differentiates best friends from ordinary friends rite? I speak for myself. I know many people thinks that best friend should only have 1. I have three. One of them is a guy. I only meet up with him whenever he's back from UK. The last time he was back for holidays, I only met up with him twice. And, he's attached. Does that mean we're lesser of a best friend now? Of course not. I remember getting so darn jealous when he got attached. I told him. I felt damn insecure. I felt like his gf has taken my place in his heart. (Which btw, should be inevitable) He got damn pissed that I felt that way. He scolded me and said "Whether or not I have a gf, u'll still be my best friend" Of course I was darn happy to hear tat but also darn sad that he scolded me lar. And I think that that's true. I mean, we dont meet often. But when we do, the look in each others eyes tells us both that we're still best friends. So, what's there to worry? His gf knows me. His gf knows of our relationship. We're fine.

Sometimes, I get damn worried if i show that i care for friends (esp guy friends), they will think that Jee Lee likes them. And then, they start avoiding me and then we're no more friends. And it suckz big time!!! There have been a few friends with whom I am really not worried at all. And to these friends, I really appreciate it! David is one of them. Maybe coz we grew up together? But if you see the way we care and express it, you might think we like each other. I mean, I care for him. But, we're just friends. Su oso. I care for him. But, we're just friends (despite all the "I think you and him look good together" talk). Liren oso. We go to each other for comfort at times. But, we're also just friends. And mind you, these guys are single.

Aih...sometimes want to show love and care oso restricted. Of course, its not like I show the way a gf shows love to a bf lar. Wah lau....u think I wat? Still, as friends.....I sometimes feel so restricted. hmmm.....I'm just me...U tell me, is it wrong to show love and concern to a fellow brother? Aih....not like i overdo it oso. At least, i don't think so lar. But sometimes, it also boils down to that person lar. If he doesn't want u to show love and concern, then ok la. You choose who your friends are. If you only want that specific someone to be your only good friend, then fine with me oso. But, its pretty sad rite? You restrict people from showing love and concern to you. Honestly, I get a bit pissed when I think about how you always potray the idea of "Avoid Jee Lee. I dowan her to care for me. I only want her to care. Other girls cannot." Fine with me. But that hurts because its rejection in the face for being a friend. People say I read too much into things, sometimes other people do that more than me.

I want to give up coz it hurts but God is saying nope. So, ok...I won't try to give up but neither am I trying to love that person. I just want to be his friend. I told God to show me his weaknesses. In order that I can learn to tahan his weaknesses OR I can learn to give up. So, yes...i've been seeing so many things that I know I cannot tahan. And it's not even trivial matters. I even told myself that "looking at his weaknesses, he falls way below the kind of people that I will like"...so, why on earth am I even still liking him? He's sooo not my type lor. Other than his love for God, I don't see anything else that I am attracted to. And honestly, some of his habits are a damn put-off la. I'm not putting him down. He's a great guy! Just, you know sometimes u have a list of what your future spouse should be like and he doesnt fit that list that I have. So, I've been trying to un-like him, focusing on his weaknesses. Aih....I havent been succeeding. Everytime I see something about him or think something, I'd go to God and say "there, he's not the one. Now, can I give up?" And every single time, God will bombard me with a verse that somehow tells me to not give up. Man!! Haha, God even once told me that, " I know you love me and I know that these criteria that you have are actually very trivial to you" Man, sometimes its funny how God knows you soooo well and then he shoots you back! hahaha.....But God, it's not like it doesnt matter. Ok, maybe it's petty and trivial but still!!! It matters ok......See la, I'm even telling God what matters and what don't. aih...All I want is to be just his friend. :)

Sometimes I question why I am always of lesser importance compared to others. It happened again just now. Liren complains about how lonely he feels without hobbit. (Altho Edgar didnt say but I bet he wished kellyn was there with us) Nobody every misses Jee Lee. Nobody ever wished Jee Lee was around. Liren and Edgar said "I miss Miffy"...I miss her too :( Will I see you soon Miffy??....When Hui Li is not around, people say "Where's huili?" When Jillian is not around, ppl ask the same question. But never when Jee Lee is not around. I'm just being whinny. I KNOW why I am of lesser importance. And I'm completely fine with that. If God one day comes to me and say I'm of lesser importance to HIM (compared to someone else), then maybe I'll get angry and commit suicide. Until that day comes, I am comfortable with where I am. :) And btw, don't worry coz these incidents don't come by often. I just feel like whinning today. So, I look for things to whine about. hehe....

Jon said don't blog too long. Sorry. It is a long post. And it's about nothing really. Haha....Have you read Shakespear's Much Ado About Nothing? It's damn funny lar!!! I'm doing just that. Blogging about basically, nothing.

Beautiful...

A L L is beautiful! The moon is quite yellowish or orangish. I exceptionally like to see the moon bright white. So bright that it brightens the sky....There were a few stars but I think its quite cloudy as well. So, nvm....still, all is beautiful!! :)

Yes, my day was pretty screwed up with me feeling completely trashed emotionally. After my lunch, I just had to go to bed. I cannot stand it already. I think if I had decided to stay up, I would have cried. I mean, my mind was going crazy...one moment, I want to stuff myself with food. The next moment, i didn't feel like eating anything. One moment, I wanted to go for a run. The next moment, I wanted to sleep. One moment, I wanted to go to school. The next moment, I'm questioning why am I studying. I knew I needed to rest. Hit the bed and shut my eyes and mind. So, I went to bed and took a long nap. Haha....

Woke up feeling a bit better.

I'm so lazy to study that I took the opportunity to watch a movie as Hui Yue turn the tv on. hehe....Such a sad movie. Aih......Sometimes I wish I have a dog. A Labrador. They are so pretty! But since I'm scared of dogs, that wish is just a plain wish. Haha....

Everything by Lifehouse is either the saddest love songs ever or the more beautiful ones....I never realised how beautiful that song is until Gillian tells me she thinks its one of the sadder songs she's ever heard. I went to check out the lyrics. Man, i completely agree with her. The thing about me is that whenever I listen to love songs, I check out whether that love song can be sung to God anot. And well, I think that Everything is a love song to God more than a love song to a bf. Haha, Coz I don't think i can ever say those words to a bf with all honesty and truthfulness.

I think I wanna call my mommy tmr nite. I miss talking to her. Haha.....I've been listening to this song by Newsong called The Christmas Shoes. Aih, nice song! Make me think of my mommy.

So anyway, i'm going to bed now....I just wanted to say that all is beautiful...In the end, all will be beautiful and all is beautiful.... God makes all things beautiful in HIS time. Yeap yeap yeap... :)

To a dear crazy friend who likes to go huh-ing, don't worry okay...GOD will definitely make ALL things beautiful....even that.

*sob sob*

I didn't sleep well last nite. After the email from Jin Ai about TeenStreet, I was thinking about it. Had a very disturbing dream about Charlie Brown. I feel like crying.

Weng Yan called me. David msged me. Just when I blogged about him last nite before i went to bed, here I am getting a msg from him. How nice!

I feel a bit better after talking to WengYan.

But I still am damn burdened. Can't study. Give up hope lar!! Lecture notes should be enough la. Not like i've not been doing my readings. Go through them again for what?? Yeah, these are the thoughts in my head right now. I want to talk to someone. I feel like having ice-cream, I feel like eating chocolates.

I'm just sooo darn burdened lar!

Haha....I want SOooooOooOoooOo much to go for missions!!!

Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
with no one to share,
with no one who truly cares for me

My idiotic side of me is starting to feel sad that no one truly cares. And the most idiotic part of it is that IN my head, i know it's not true. So, why on earth am I even sad? This suckz....

God, help me decide....

I've just completed going through my lecture notes for the entire semester for SN2234. Yay!!!

I stayed home the whole day today. I couldn't really decide whether I should go to school to study this morning anot. Lazy to think too much, I decided to study at home. I'm a lazy bum! Studying at home is really distracting because there are so many people at home that you just want to talk to them. Muahaha......

I can't decide what to blog about now.

My mommy sent me an e-mail today. I think Life Chapel just had their VBS (Vacation Bible School). Mom was in-charged of food (as usual!). The best part of ther e-mail was her concern over how I am feeling concerning the whole BGR matters and also a comment I made a few posts ago about how I wonder why I'm ugly. Aih, my mom should know me better to rest assured that I'm actually ok! So, i had to write an e-mail to my mom convincing her that I'm really fine and doing well in fact. JOY comes not inspite of but because of sorrow. Some of you might understand the pain of having to love someone knowing that that someone loves someone else. Yet, there is a greater joy - knowing that the Lord is in charge and HE is using this whole chapter of my life to teach me something very valuable in my relationship with HIM. I only ask for HIM to make me more and more like the woman HE wants me to be. So, mom, DON'T WORRY!!! I'm fine!!! :) REALLY....

I haven't met up with my childhood friend, David for quite some time already. I think throughout this whole semester, i've only met up with him twice? I want to meet up and eat like crazy pigs. It's fun when you go out with people who really knows your appetite. I still remember he took me out for a treat 2 weeks before my birthday and after having our first round of food, he turn to me and said "I'm very sure you can still eat. What else do you want?" haha.... Friends who not only knows your appetite, they can also tahan your appetite. That is really something! AND, knowing your appetite, still dare to treat you! Well, it took 12 years of friendship...haha!!!

I've just checked my email. There's an e-mail from Jinseng. I thought it was FooSeng. Thought he mite be asking me what is my decision about going for the YF camp. Turn out that it was his wife, Jin Ai. The subject of the e-mail already planted some curiosity in me. First ever TeenStreet Malaysia (OM). Hmm, I remember speaking to Foo Seng a few nights ago ( It was then that he asked me to help out in the YF camp) and he mentioned about TeenStreet. I didn't ask much about the event but he mentioned about it being an OM (Operation Mobilisation) project. So, Jin Ai tells me that both herself and her husband is in the Exco for this project. And she says, "Somehow I just thought of you when the vacancies came up." So, there's this TeenStreet thingy that she's offering me to go for. The really interesting thing that is drawing me is that it's by OM. I told you how much i wanna go for Missions rite? And I thought starting with OM would be good. hmm....I DONNO!!!....arrrggghhhh....the thing is that TeenStreet is from 3rd to 8th. That's when I have my NAV camp!!! HOW NOW??? Discipleship camp!! OM!! YOuths!!!Meeting ppl who's been involved with missions!!! How now brown cow?? Why suddenly so maaany options coming to me. I can't decide!!! Where should I go to? Oh no...I'm suppose to let Jin Ai know by 23rd. Which is this coming Wednesday. Oh no!! People, pray for me!!! I can't decide. I feel like talking to edgar about this. Somehow I feel I should talk to him and ask his opinion. I don't know why. But yes. But, exam time I oso dowan to disturb him. But, I'm indecisive. Aih........Lord, HELP!!!! I dislike it when i'm in situations like this. I feel like crying.

Okay......I should go to bed by now. Aih. Tired. I can't decide where to study tomorrow. Anyway, Ciaoz.....and this is my first short post in a long long time....(It was! Until i read the email from JinAi)

Cheers~

Hear us from Heaven

Lord, hear our cry
Come heal our land
Breathe life into these dry and thirsty souls

Lord hear our prayer
Forgive our sin
and as we call on Your name
Would You make this a place for Your glory to dwell

Open the blind eyes
unlock the deaf ears
Come to Your people
AS we draww near
Hear us from Heaven
Touch our generation
We are Your people
Crying out in desperation

Hear us from heaven.

More than I Imagine.

What can I give to You
That You don't already have
There's nothing I can do
Without the strength of Your hand
Your ways are higher than the skies and beyond
Your face shines brighter than the sun

You are more than I imagine
Greater than the heavens
Deeper than my heart could ever dream

You are more than any treasure
Beyond what I could measure
And everything that i will ever need
More than enough for me

How could I run from You
You are wherever I am
You know my every move
You hold my life in Your hands
Your ways are higher than the skies and beyond
Our faces shines brighter than the sun

You are more than enough
You are more than enough for me.

*title-less*

Zhi Wei is probably on of the very few guys who smiles at everything. That's really something precious. I like studying with him, he makes me feel that I should smile more. Adrian makes me feel that way too. Its funny how I am not studying in Central Library (where Adrian studies) and yet I bump into him so many times a day. It's always nice to bump into a friend who always have a smile carved out in his/her face! :)

Anyway, lotsa things in my mind right now.

I hate it when I am in a thinking mood. My mind just wonder.

I got a little distracted today while I was studying. I look at Hui Li, I look at Hobbit, I look at Jacq. They are quite pretty. Ok, I'm not in my critical mood. I'm in my "Why-am-I-ugly" mood. And irrational me will say that everyone is pretty. So, h e c k!!!

I had a hard time trying to concentrate on my studies when my head is having such demoralising thoughts. And yes, I admit, it's all my own doing. Where got people so stupid wan? Sit there and think thougths to demoralise myself? Goodness! I'm near to being hopeless! And I warned myself to not get sad. I wasn't too sad. Still bearable. Still can sing praise songs to God. :)

I stopped thinking demoralising thoughts because of these verses :
Phil 4: 8-9 : Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Sarah and I was talking about going for SEP. I remember we mentioned about going to SEP (Student Exchange Program) together during our 1st semester (not too long after knowing one another). A few months ago, Julia msges me and says "Have you thought about joining the SEP?" I was so suprised that I told her "Erm, Julia, you sure you send the msg to the right person ar?" Anyway, she tells me to think about it. I shrugged the idea off. I mean, coming to Singapore is already (then) a considerably big thing for me already. Now, you want me to consider going to another country? hmm....No money lar! Honestly, going to another country appeals to me tremendously lar! It's like how adventurous. How FUN!!! How romantic?!!!! But, gotta think of my parent's pocket oso rite? I donno. I have not given the idea much of a thought. Maybe I shall start asking God.

Anyway, I asked Sarah whether she wanna go anot? She said yes. And she said she wanna go to Canada. I wanna go Canada too....Honestly, the only place that I wanna go to study English is UK. (My best friend is there lar!) But, Adrian went to Canada last semester and he has very good recommendations for the English Language Department there! So, hmmm....It'll be interesting eh? But, these are mere thoughts.....

Sometimes when I say, don't do it, it's not because I do not appreciate what you are doing. Most of the time, I do! But, there could be a variety of reasons as to why I think you shouldn't be doing those things for me. And it's not because I don't appreciate you. There are other reasons.

For eg, I was walking home today and Edgar insisted in walking me home. I know its like a personal must-do thing for him. And, it's not that I don't appreciate what he did. I do!!! I told him to go with Liren and Jacq on the taxi because I really wanted to walk home by myself. I don't get much time alone (esp, in the house) and I don't get to talk to God aloud much as well. I've always liked talking to God aloud. It's fun!! And I do that a lot when I am walking back home alone. Of course I like company lar. Ed knew that I wanted time alone, so he walked behind me all the way home without saying a single word to me. I appreciate that brother! I really do!!! I feel very guilty of course, coz he is doing me a "favour" and here i am not even talking to him. Then again, the main "company" I really wanted was my conversation with God. Well, it was a silent conversation!Again,T H A N K Y O U ...

Reached home to a full moon. :) If only there were more stars.

If Jing wasn't sitting in front of me, i'd have finish the box of After Eight! But she stopped me. Aih!

Rain makes me happy

Whenever it rains it makes me happy! And today a fellow rain lover ( I don't love the rain as much as he does tho) msges me and says, "hello! It's raining!!" haha....Little things like this makes me smile....

People been asking me how am I. I donno why people think i'm depressed. Honestly, I am not!! Really!!!

For the very few people who reads my blog, you know that the only thing that has been depressing me is boy-girl relationship issue. And I know some people are worried for me concerning this. Why is JeeLee so depressed la...Hope all things turn out fine with JeeLee...Hope this issue gets settled so that she's no more depressed...Honestly, there are times when it hurts so bad that I wish I never had such feelings for any particular person. There has been times when I wished that God will remove this thorn in my flesh. But you know, God is using this whole BGR thingy to teach me something. Something I know very valuable. Something that strengthens my relationship with HIM. For that, I rejoice!!!

Of course, my desire would be to want to be with him. A greater desire than that would be for him to be happy. I even prayed for God to grant him happiness and that he may marry the one that he desires so much. An even greater desire is that God would grow me! I mean, of course I like him and I want to be with him and think all those romantic things that u'd do with your bf lar. Who dowan rite? But if this one thing brings me away from God and draws me to be soooo self-indulgent, I rather not have a bf. It's not the end result I'm looking at now. It's the journey.So what if at the end of the day I get married and live happily ever after with my husband but in the course of it, I have not grown anywhere near to be who HE wants me to be? It means nothing! I ask myself whether is this desire of having a bf greater than doing HIS will.

Most of you don't know how much I want to be a missionary!! I used to dread it if my husband will one day say "You stay home and take care of my kids while I go into the mission field" haha... Being of the female species, of course having a family is part of a dream. I mean, hello? How many people do you know wants to get married at 23?! But, my greater desire would be to be a missionary! I used to want to get married to a rich man and stay home and take care of my kids. Now I don't want that! I don't want to get married to a rich man. I don't want to stay home and just take care of my kids. However, if God says "stay home and take care of your kids" then, ok la! But now, given my desire, I want to be out there in the fields. I've always dreamt of being a supporter of my husband in missions.

But, you know, there are times when I wish that there's no husband to jaga. No husband to stop me from giving my ALL to serve my Master. However, God uses people who are behind the scenes as well. As in, God can jolly well be asking me to be a good wife and mother and worker in whatever area He wants me to be and that might include not going to missions field oso. So, I'm not saying that non-mission-field is not missions ar!

Back to how i feel. Right now, I just really want to be whoever God wants me to be. Yes, despite my feelings for this one person, I'm feeling that if God wants me to be alone, I will be!! AND I will be one joyfully and not grudgingly! To the people who really knows the hurt i'm going through, I know it sounds fake to be saying these things. But, really....no matter how beautiful I think he is, still no fight with my desire for God's will to be done! So, a more beautiful thing awaits me. I have shared this before. When I stand before God and His righteous throne and hear the words coming from the mouth of God saying things that I really really want to hear!

And as for BGR matters, God said one thing : Have FAITH Jee Lee. He taught me a lot of things concerning faith. But the one thing that was a take home concerning bgr matters was have faith in the impossibles and in the most ridiculous things! It'll take a lot of me to elaborate further. Let me sum-up what God has said thus far.
(1) I will give you the desires of your heart
(2) Have faith in the things you consider impossible.

I'm not reading too much into it as well. I'm still seeking. God is still speaking. You are now part of the great journey of how God's gonna reveal His will for me concerning my life partner. So, if I do get married, you are all qualified to give a speech on my wedding day! Haha....

Waaah...such a serious post! God is g o o o o d!!!!

Crap???

C R A P!! Aih, that's how I feel right now. It was a rather productive day today. So, i shouldn't feel so crappy now. But, the fact that I do suckz!!!

On to nicer things! I don't want to blog about things that make me unhappy coz it'll make i'll feel worse later (but I think the sad things will pop up anyway!).

I mentioned before how Sarah is so darn sweet rite? I spoke to her last nite and just said that I wasn't feeling very happy in the day time. She apologised for not being in school. See, we meet every monday. So, yeah. Then, we met up for lunch today and she gave me m&m. It's darn sweet of her lor. THis world is full of sweet girls (except me!). I wanted to have some personal time with Sarah (as we always do) but Hui Li and Jeremy came over. I don't mind but somehow today I really just wanted to spend some time alone with sarah. It's alrite anyway! It's good to have my other friends getting to know her. :)

Bumped into Wern Hui. It's been so long since I last saw her. She's her usual self. Went up to the 3rd floor(of Biz Lib) to disturb her! I'm as usual, the very naughty me! Haha....

Well, that's me! So, if you can't stand immature people, get real far from me. Coz i'm damn immature lar. I'm this super overgrown kid and I am super naughty. Aih.....Maybe I should change but I like being naughty. Too bad no one spanks me anymore!! The joy of getting spank!! It's gone....

Anyway, I saw Adrian today and was rather happy! And he was with LiZhen. I won't be suprise at all if he is together with her or something! Really!!! It's adrian's smile and cheerfulness that I miss. But, not only I got to see him smiling today I even spoke to him lor. And as usual, when we both talk, it's crappy stuffs...hahah

I hinted to James to consider Hui Li. I'm evil rite? Naughty!!! I think James himself couldn't believe that I was trying to match-make them. I was not trying to match-make them lar. I just hinted to James to consider. She really is a cool chick ok! She's got the brains, got the looks, loves God....what else do you want rite??

If I can match-make people, I'd say James and Hui Li and Edgar and Miffy. I don't know who they all like so I can match-make them. Of course I wish Edgar end up with Kellyn lar. I'm not so evil. Den again, these 2 girls are tremendously fantastic!!

I've mentioned about Hui Li. Miffy is the same. She's got the brains, got the looks, loves God dearly. Super sweet. Super cute. I tell u....no where u can find someone like that. She's superb. Both these sisters are superb! Girls, if you read this, yes, I'm trying to promote you online. Coz i really think that you girls are just superb!! Wonderful girls....

The Monday Bible Study group has fantastic people (except me!). I'll mention ONE thing that makes me think they are fantastic! There are plenty more reasons why i think they are fantastic but i'll just mention one ok!

Jeremy is caring and humble.
Noel is BIG TIME gentleman!!
James seeks to grow, grow and grow.
Liren has a big heart for God and His people.
Edgar has a superb big heart for God!
Zach has a teachable heart.
Jillian loves God so much she never wants to let Him go! U should hear her story of how she choose bf. Amazing woman!!!
Hui Li wants to grow and grow and grow...
Miffy wants to please Him every single minute.

They all amaze me by their big big, tremendously crazy zealous love for the Lord. I'm so blessed eh!

I have a question in my head. If by caring for others, you might make them think that you like them, should you stop caring? I don't like it when I care for people and people think that I like them. And because 100% they don't like me back, they rather I am far away from them. And then, I wonder why they treat me like that. And I think it's my fault. Maybe I shouldn't care. Then, they won't think I like them. Then, they won't avoid me. Then, I won't be so hurt. This is so weird, care for people also can hurt you back in return. Aih... Rejection comes really painful siah! Already kena reject, no guy like. Now, want to be a friend oso kena reject. Aih!!

So many camps going on eh. There's YAF camp! There's YF camp! Haha, then i dont go for any! Bleah.....

Anyway.....i'm going off liaoz....

Edit: YueenSan, haha....read my comment on my last post! The YF chairperson just asked me to go for camp! I'll consider prayerfully! hehe....

Aaahhhh.....

I am speechless. Aih! Someone just asked me what I think about a certain situation. I told her the truth and then she gets impulsive and decides to make a rash move. I don't like it. I tell u the truth and yes, the truth suckz at times but we're here to learn from what we've done wrong and really allow God to mould us to be better people! I was trying to talk to her but she isn't listening at all. That suckz too!!!!

I hate taking Panadols. I only take Euphamols and I only take them when I'm driving (driving with a headache can be very dangerous) or when i buay tahan liao. Today, I took panadol coz I buay tahan liao. Aih!! I'm feeling better now already.

When you see two close friends of yours having some sort of disagreement and you hear them vent out their frustrations, you just wish they would do something to patch things up, don't you? Aih. I pray that they both see the necessary things that is needed to be done. I don't know what happened but I am praying that they both will do what God wants them to do. Even though it might mean getting out of their comfort zone.

It is never easy rite? Getting out of our comfort zone that is! Today I wasn't feeling too good. I guess, something pop-up in my head and got me thinking abit and there were some questions for God. However, I was reminded of how I prayed for pruning beginning of this semester. We all know what a dangerous prayer that is. Its like "asking for trouble". But at that time, I was challenged. It was as if there was this voice saying " JeeLee, you want to grow anot? If you want, then what's stopping you from asking that?" I knew that there wasn't anything that was holding me back - there was probably fear of discomfort and difficult times. However, in the end, I took the challenge and prayed that prayer. And God is just merely answering my prayer now! Yes, it ain't easy but I'm rejoicing in the fact that God is moulding me to someone HE wants me to be and plucking out all the unwanted branches! O well, no pain no gain eh? I felt much better after being reminded of what I asked for and knowing that God is doing what I asked for. So, hehe....

Miffy is a very sweet girl. If I was a man, I'd marry her!
There are too many sweet girls out there, no wonder I find it impossible to get attached. I'm fighting a losing battle. haha.....

I did a rather weird thing today. I was studying in the library and i just stared at Karen. I think she's quite pretty! :)

Was today a fruitful day? I consider anyday spent with the Lord and His people a fruitful day. So, basically everyday is a fruitful day! Haha...But yes, today was a fruitful day! I managed to do some studying. Had some time with my Lord alone. Had some time talking with Karen. Had some time talking with Fern too. Had sharing with Jillian and Hui Li. :) How can this day not be fruitful??

Feeling....

I'm not very smart! It's 12:37 and I'm suppose to be asleep by now since I've gotta get up at 6am or 630am tmr morning to sort out by books and notes and den head down to the library to book discussion rooms. And since I don't like sleeping on a wet pillow, I'll normally wait for my hair to dry before I sleep! I'm pretty dumb! (Coz i just washed my hair ler)

I have bathed 4 times today and washed my hair twice! Either its really very hot today (which I don't really think so) or I'm crazy. It's prolly because I bought a new tub of shower foam. There's something about it that makes me wanna shower over and over again. haha (that's quite freaky rite?)

My mommy called last nite but somehow I didn't feel like talking. Probably I was afraid she's gonna ask me some things that I do not want to tell her about or something lar. She pass the phone to my father. Haha.... It was the shortest conversation we ever had so far. It was only 10 minutes long!! Sorry Ma! Was doing something when you called. Not a legitimate reason coz all i was doing was changing my stupid blog template. hehe....Sorry! I wanted to call u back earlier today but was busy doing something else until i realised it was too late to call already.

You know what makes a blog interesting? When one writes using a lot of adjectives (and considerably more verbs too). Nouns are boring. Note however that the 2 main phrases that make up a sentence is a Noun phrase and a Verb phrase. Of course an Adjectival phrase can appear as a sub phrase. But, its not the main phrase. Without an adjectival phrase, the sentence still stands! But, it is that exact phrase that makes one's writing seem so interesting rite? The way we always like to read descriptive stories compared to factual ones. I donno. At least, I like to read descriptive stories.

I like to read when i eat. Li Fang said it's a bad habit coz then I will always want to read when I eat or I will always want to eat when I read. A N D I don't like reading intelectual materials during meals. I like to read childish stuffs. So, previously I was reading a story book that describes the story of a tiny family called The Littles. Now that I've finished that book, I'm reading a desciptive story of the village life of a girl who grew up in Ipoh, Malaysia. Kiddish books make me happy - the carefree-ness of life. Like I said earlier on, I don't like intelectual stuffs during meals, so, I opt for children book all the time (even though there are plenty of TImes magazine nearby the dining table).

Anyway, today is sunday. That means it's time for Peanuts classic featuring Good ol' Charlie Brown. Gloria asked me today, "why does it say 'featuring Good ol' Charlie Brown' when all that is in today's strip is SNOOPY?" Haha...Beats me! I donno man!

Charlie Brown is too nice. He gets bullied by all the girls around him. His sister Sally Brown bullies him a lot. The only ones who are nice to him are Peppermint Patty and Marcie. Then again, Peppermint Patty bullies poor Charlie Brown too. (Incase you don't know, Peppermint Patty and Marcie both secretly likes Charlie Brown)

A very random thought. My cooking skills are improving!! Hahaha....

Seem like some brainless day eh? The truth is that it has been quite a restful day. Afterall, it is The Sabbath! And I've spent the entire day resting and just being in the presence of My Lord. :) I'm very pleased.

I can't study!!!

The reason why i am blogging now is because i can't study! I tried to study 2 hours earlier but my vain effort caused me to decide to go and sleep. hehe

You see, after the whole week of sleeping at 2am daily and getting up at 7am, i am getting a little tired. I don't feel so tired that i need to sleep until 10am today but i guess, i just like to sleep-in once every week and that significant day is always Saturday! My phone alarm rang at 6:45 this morning even though i didn't even set the alarm last nite! Strange!!!

Technically, I woke up at 10am. But I only got out of bed at 11am. Walked out of the room to see Bev typing her work. I went to disturb her. Talk talk talk.

You know sometimes people don't like to be forced to do something that they don't want to do but after much persuasion, they might eventually do it. I am very stubborn! When I am forced to do something that I don't want to do, I will force that person to STOP forcing me anymore! So, the force-r will eventually stop forcing me to do the thing that I don't want to do. Beverly was persuading me to do something. I told her that I really really don't want to do it. So, don't force me. She kept on persuading me to see her point of view and do it. I kept on saying no. I still remember one occassion of my earthly father forcing me to do something very vividly. I was very determined to not do it. In the end, I cried and say "Pa, I really really rreeeaaaallly don't want to do it" and he didn't force me to do it eventually. Of course, for those who know me and my father, you know i'm not a person who cries easily and you also know my father is someone who will persue what he thinks should be done. I told Bev, the fact that my dadgave in to me was because he probably saw the hurt in me so, please don't force me to do something that i don't want to do. I will think about what you have said, but don't force me to do it now. I'm not proud of my stubborness but it has not been so bad already. I can be stubborn with many things but I try my very very best not to be stubborn when my heavenly Father tells me to do something of course!!!

Anyway, exam periods make me think more. The thing that i've been thinking about is my close friends back home in KL. I wish it is holidays now. Then, I'll be home and be driving around meeting my friends for their lunch breaks and doing nonsensical things with other holiday-ing friends as well. Going to pasar malam. Having many meals a day. Breakfast, brunch, lunch, tea, dinner, supper (maybe 2 rounds)...No wonder i get fatter each time when I go back home! Haha...PLUS there's no reason to walk and take public transport in KL when you have the car! I can't decide when i'll be going back home this time round of holidays. My last paper is on the 30th. I've got a camp to attend on 5th-9th Dec (in Singapore). Then, there's a mid-year exco review on the 12th and 13th and then there's a Christmas Party on the 16th Dec. I can't decide where to go to and when. The first thing to decide is whether to go home after my paper on the 30th or not. I want to but Jeremy is asking me to help him think of games for camp. I've realised recently that i'm pretty good at games planning. Of course I acknowledge that this is by no means my own ability. Its a gift from God. Not as good as others of course but a gift nevertheless! :) Oh yes, I'm suppose to also help the Youth Fellowship from church back in KL to plan games for their camp too. (Su, all thanks to u ar!!!) But I don't mind helping la. Small matter!! haha....Still can't decide when to go back home to KL. With the not-so-happy things going on, I want to go back home to KL sooner. But, I have to consider whether does God really want me to go back home so soon or does HE want me to settle things in Singapore first. It's definitely more comfy for me to go back home and then i'll be running away from discomfort to comfort!! But, is that what God wants me to do???

Anyway, this was suppose to be a considerably short post. Looks like i've failed! Bleah....