3 days of tiredness but fun!

Woohoo....Friday, Saturday and Sunday at The Navigators HQ in Spore. That was where i was for the past few days....What for? For asn Ex-co planning retreat. Wooho...it was FUN and exciting but dead tiring!!!

Well, the best part of the whole retreat was getting together as out-going ex-co and in-coming ex-co spent time together seeking the LORD for what our focus shd be the next year, what shd we do, even in prayer....to just spend time QUIET and LISTEN....of course it all starts with ASK...and the amazing thing is seeing how God speaks to EACH AND EVERYONE seperately but all focus on the SAME thing!!! how wonderful can that be?? WOO!!!! it was seriously so encouraging and so exciting to see how the LORD is speaking to each and everyone of us in such specific manner!!! and as we come together to share, it was amazing as different ones claim :"hey, i had that spoken to me too"....wow, it was a time of sharing and affirming what God really wants us to do!!! it was fantastic!!!! and u know, all this time when ppl say God dont speak to us anymore, U're wrong!!! completely wrong.....the amazing thing that the 20 fellas (about) witnessed, no one can explained the joy and the amazement and no one can say that God was not with us, because it was so clear to ALL of us that He was there with us.....

I donno how many of u have felt like that, how many of u had that JOY of listening to God speak and someone confirming u that it was really from the LORD...But, let me encourage u all brother and sister, that God is still out there wanting to speak to u. And believe me or not, God wants to speak to u more than u want to hear. So, ask....but know that it takes a sincere heart and a seeking heart.....willingness to listen to what HE wants to say, putting ur desires aside...Allowing the Spirit to work....so, ASK yeah....He will honour that!!!! Remember in Jeremiah 29:13 - And you shall seek Me and find Me, when u search for Me with ALL your heart.
And we all know that our LORD is someone who is true to HIS word..He is faithful...He is the same God Yesterday, today and forever!!!!! Let us persevere...without God, who are we!!!!

:)

Cheers and God bless....

-Thank U Lord-

Last nite i went to bed not really feeling very happy but at the same time, i was feeling much better than i had a few hours b4 bed time. A call frm a friend was a way of God's manifestation of HIS love for me and that He cares for me! I was amazed!! And then, i was online...chatting with another friend. Haha....i was pleased to hear that he was pleased to be able to talk to a "human" as he puts it. But, i tot i will be disturbing....anyway, it was all these small small things that make me feel that God cares.

Anyway, i donno whether i said this before...but, last nite i really didnt feel like talking to God...i really didnt feel like even consulting Him...i didnt even feel like telling Him how i was feeling. Normally, i will!!! I will cry to HIM - knowing that no one understands me more than He does!! So, i reli kept everything to myself....angry with everything possible!!

I slept...

woke up this morning...bathed and went for QT. Somehow, i felt a bit more happy....

So...we were doing Acts 26...i was amazed at Paul....we all know how steadfast a christian he was...how HIS focus was on God and how he felt happy whenever he was given the opportunity to speak of Christ!! i was amazed at how Paul's love for Christ!!!

In the midst of doing my QT, i heard a very loud song of "Hallelujah to the Lamb"...ahh, a msg. I wonder frm who...phone was left in the room...well, i will not go get the phone or bother to look at the msg except that the ringtone is so super long that if i dont bother to answer it, it will probably bother a lot of ppl!...so, i got up...went to the room and got the phone. Went and see who msged me...it was mom! She wrote : "Hie Lee! How are u? My dream tells me that u're not doing too good. Trust in the Lord and we'll pray for u. Love u."

My heart melted!

Why??

It was right at that moment, i felt God whisper to me : Even if u think that no one loves you, I do! Very much in fact!!!

And......yes, God's grace i felt!! God's love i felt!!!

Last nite, i probably hurt God a lot by what i have said....the thoughts that have crossed my mind...the things that i was doing to myself. And right at that moment, the Lord probably gave my mom that dream. I was amazed. I was touched. I donno what the Lord did.....i donno why He did that....but i know He loves me!!!

Rite at that moment when i think that no one cares and no one loves me, God sends this long signal of how i felt to my mom....Amazing rite?

I asked my mom later what was in the dream...she said she saw me crying in Singapore. she felt the pain....she felt the sadness.....WOW!!!

Amazing......

I'm speechless....but to say, thank u LORD!! Thank u!!! and I'm SO SO SORRY!!!!

*bleah*

I'm was feeling super lousy earlier today....feeling horrible...feeling like shit!! The feeling of no one cares and no one gives a damn came upon me and i just felt like becoming sleeping beauty - sleep and never get up!! I tried doing many things in order not to feel the way i did...but, nothing helped. Why am i not suprised?!!

I've come to realise that there's SO much hurt and anger...So much hurt...so much!!! yeah...I'm so hurt!!! and how to make it worse than to know that NO one cares??!!

Anyway, nothing really helped...i went online wishing to speak to someone...saw a few ppl online but some were busy..so, rather not disturb them....

After awhile, i notice a friend came online!! Woohoo...just the right person - thank u LORD. I immediately said hie...I didnt speak much with him....didnt say much...told him i felt lousy and bad...but no details....and i thank him....Su, thanks for caring and thanks for humouring me....thanks for praying...thanks for calling....thanks for just being there!! U have helped me in many many occasions...and altho we're far apart (well, singapore and KL is not really that far..hehe!!), i know i can alwiz count on u...and thanks for EVERYTHING....i love u...REalleee....u have been a friend..thru thick and thin....thanks....

Call it bitter or what, but i dont care if others dont care...coz u know why? I dont care too.....About myself i mean...and how i feel.....and no one shd care too...so, dont bother yeah??!!! U'll do me and urself a good favour....

:)

-another one of those post tat got no title-

Haha....i'm sorry but i reli donno what to put as title. Haha

First of all, i woke up today on time for QT. Sharing was good....I went into quite personal things...i shared on the things that i was struggling with - loving myself and anger towards guys and girls ( i trully, desperately hopes that anger is NOT an understatement!). Well, for some of u who have been reading my blogs (constantly), u will probably realise that i have been in this situation for quite a while already. How can someone get so angry for so long rite? I know...i know... And furthermore, those who know me really really well know that i am not the type of person who keeps grudges and revenge and can be angry for a long time - NOPE, i'm not that type of person....I do get angry easily. But, i've learnt how to control my temper and even hide my anger. But, i've realised that i've been angry with ppl for a long time already. WEll, at least i feel it's been a long time and i really dont wanna talk about it to anyone! I'm not angry with anyone specific but just angry! So, yes...pray for me.... AND, i really do appreciate friends who are keeping me in prayer and friends who show that they care. I see more ppl frm KL and PJ who are doing that rather than my singaporean friends...

And bout grace....1 thing i realised is that, ppl tend to fake showing grace by not truly loving others. How can u show truly show grace to others without loving? I dont understand....and yet, i feel that there have been times when ppl really just are not showing grace. I can be so upset over the whole situation. How can group of ppl who consider themselves binding in love not showing grace to one another? I see this in my CF (not so pertinent) and i see it in Life Chapel. One person makes a mistake and that person is doom for life? Name put in black list edi? No grace? What is this? Why is it that ppl tend to show grace to non-believers but do not practise grace among own believers even? I dont understand...can someone enlighten me? A friend has been pointing out this thing to me....PPL may see that we belong to Christ NOT because we show love to the non-believers, but instead because of our love for one another!! so, if no love and no grace, how then are ppl suppose to see Christ's love through us?

Anyway, on a not-so-deep thoughts, after sharing, we had a session of frisbee....was quite fun!! yay!!! den we went back, showered and went and watch Star Wars episode 3. yes, i know that i'm late!! Go on...gloat about how u caught it earlier than i did! And i had to pay SGD 9.50 for it!! Anyway, it was a good movie....good tech...lights....but was a bit draggy....i almost fell asleep...partly because i was sitting so front that the light sabre gave me a headache....and partly because the lovey dovey part between anakin and padme was too draggy and so *bleah*....But, still a good movie tho!! There are parts where i prefer epi 1 and 2 and some parts i prefer epi 3. So, fair and square...hahahha

Gotta hit the bed soon coz tmr gotta get up super duper early to send the team to the airport..they're gg to the phillipines....so cool rite?? woohoo.....

*feelingless*

I came back late last nite from watching the FA cup final (WHAT ELSE?). Was dead tired. As JieYao drove me back to Bernard's house, i was already sleeping in the car lor! Well, it was a good game...Commentator said it was robbery [:(] Anyway, i watched it with a bunch of friends....namely, Edgar (watched it in his house), Jeremy, Sing Pou, JieYao, Michelle, Myself.. it was fun and exciting to watch the game together...

Well, as an arsenal supporter, i must say tho tat Arsenal didn't put their all for the game! So, yes....to those who felt that Man U shd have won, i understand how u feel. But, it's no robbery. Arsenal has their standards. It's not call cheating. It's not call luck. It's call strategy skills. First half, Arsenals were slacking onie.....towards end of 2nd half, they played much better....Man U on the other hand were running from one end of the field to the other. U think Cardiff field vy small issit? It's prob one of the bigger ones lor!! Look at vanNistelrooy and Ronaldo, they were so exhausted towards the end of the game...coz they were running ard so much....

Both had their share of playing well....i would say that!!!

Anyway, tis morning my ankle felt MUCH better. It was still swollen but can walk normally liao. Since i can take pain quite well and a sprained ankle is NORMAL, i just tahan the pain and walk as usual as possible. I mean, come on la....i was suppose to be receptionist leh! FYI: i fell down in church yesterday while helping to deco the church for YuMing and Ariel's wedding today.

It was nice....SMALL and SIMPLE wedding!!! Cool one!!! Not many ppl came...small hall....but it was COSY....nice and simple....Have u ever seen ppl while reading vows can laugh wan? Well, i witnessed that today!! haha...so cute!!

One of the funny thing was that, I don't know the couple!! Haha...well, i know who they are la..but have never spoken to them and they have never spoken to me either. They probably dont even know me....until yesterday...when i was helping out...hehehe..But, it was interesting and i reallee learn what it is to serve unselfishly...

but, reli tired lor....spent the whole day at church yesterday deco-ing the place...today, was the last one to leave too...pack the place up....clean and all.....

As i was doing alll the deco stuff yesterday, i was thinking....wah...when my friend gets married next year, A LOT to do oso!! SO FUN!!!! I'm not being sarcastic...i really mean it!! it's probably one of the most tiring thing to do...but also at the same time something that's vy FUN!!! I'm looking forward to it!! yay!!! hehehe

Why am i feelingless?? coz i'm tired and there's exco bonding tmr!! hehe....

:0

Life...

Aih...the big question that probably nobody knows the answer to. Here i am sitting in front of my comp at 3:29 in the morning trying to figure out what went wrong with me!

Why am i so different from other girls? Some ppl tell me that i am precious....unique and different. Yeah YEah Yeah.....I don't really believe it u know. All that makes me different and unique are negative things. For instance, I'm loud and noisy. How unique and likeable are things like that?

And i'm so sick of ppl who go for outlook and for appearance and outward beauty. I feel treated differently because i'm not girlish girl! And because im not anywhere near/close to being girlish girls, ppl look at me and see that i do not need love. Why oh why??? I'm not just talking about romantic love. I'm talking even about being friends....no one cares....no one TRULLY cares!! But those girls who play hard-to-get are girls who are loved and liked and cared for.

I know and admit there might be a certain amount of jealousy but i'm sick and upset about it! Yeah, i'm not gentle...i'm vy independent...i'm vy assertive...i'm vy bold....i'm vy loud....i speak my mind.....I'm something that guys dont like!!

And....i AM pessimistic about getting married...I want to be optimistic about it but i think its certainly a hard thing to do lar!!!Dont talk bout getting married. Even getting a bf, i am pessimistic about!!!

I wish the world will stop giving me so much pressure....I am who i am!!!

However, I CANNOT help but admit to this: that LIFE is full of suprises. And there are ups and downs...there are things to be pessimistic about and things to be optimistic about. But, more often than not, there are many things to be optimistic about...its just that we RATHER be pessimistic. Lets live life to the fullest lor!! That's what Jesus came to earth for lor...(well, at least it's ONE of the many reasons lor!)

I am pessimistic bout the world but that cause me to see that there is nothing else i desire but Christ! and His gracious love for me keeps me speechless!! Nothing else is good but God...ALL THE TIME!! I am directed to keep my focus on Christ...to put my trust, faith and hope in the LORD and not in the world or what men (and women) can offer!!

Future?

What will our future be?

As i went out shopping with friends today, i was asked this question : What's the thing that i look out for in a guy. Well, of course he knew that the idea i had in mind was a God fearing man. He asked, PHYSICAL.....wha are the expectations i had...den, i look at him and said...NONE. Haha....he didn't believe me...well, i reli thought that i am a person with no expectations whatsoever over guys....i think i am ok! No expectations...whoever come also can...But, i've come to notice that i am picky. Well, as i told my friend , i'm not picky....those things are not MUST have....just preference. If don't have, nvm la....i used to tell myself, my bf must be tall tall wan....where got such thing! Ex was my height lor...goodness...short!! hahah...see, i say edi..preference oni....not fix wan...

If i can compile a preference list, it would be:

1) NO big belly please.....or rather...no bulging belly. I can't stand guys with beer belly.....or whatever the cause of that belly is.

2) WAlk...if walk terkangkang means....arrgggghhhh....imagine, normal size person but walking like a sumo wrestler....arrggghhhh...i kenot tahan.....pls..walk nicely

3)NO vulgar too....

4)No smoking definitely!!!!

That's it!!! Just that lor......

Most important is must be someone God fearing!! others dont matter!!! It is a preference, but it doesnt matter......and of course.....that person must love me as who i am and not try to change me to be someone HE thinks i shd be!! If can cook, better still...i no need to cook...hahhaha

yeah lor...lidat lor...

but...i dont see me getting anywhere near my dream of getting married by 23 yrs old. Hahaha.... Guys nv like girls like me.....those who laugh until whole mamak can hear ( the person who reads this know la rite.....), short and fat....DIE...ALONE the rest of my life?!!!! Aih....nvm....the love of my life is willing to spend time with me.......JESUS CHRIST!!!!

heheheh

am i being pessimistically optimistic?? haha......

DONNO.....

But, ONE thing is sure...i REALLY have Jesus Christ to spend my entire lifetime with...which is a great joy! :)

-book?-

You are Romans.

Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by

=kayaking=

I reached Singapore this morning...went to deposit some cash....after which i went straight to Bernard and Lilian's house....the place where i am gonna stay until the end of this month. Well, i'll be in Singapore for bout 12 days....So tired....

Went and bathed and then got shocked to see the redness at my legs....KUDIS!!!! wahliao....den i went down and spoke to LiFang...and aparently, i'm NOT the only one!!! well, at least i feel that yay!!! i'm glad i'm not the only one!!! but, My redness on my legs are really really really bad!!!! really bad!!!! i'm so sad....

Anyway....we had a long prayer plus planning meeting today...we're trying to reach out to the vietnamese community. it was great because altho no one turn up, but we know that we're serving God and this ministry is in HIS hands!! And no matter what happens, there are many of God's promises that we can hold true to...!!! Whatever disappointments in life, God can and will fill it!! More importantly is our growth in HIM.....

After the meeting, we proceeded to East Coast Park...for kayak....woohoo...i slept on the cab....tired mar....den....reached there.....got so scared...coz the waves were high and they LOOK scary!!!! den i said...can i not go??? my friends look at me and said: NO....but they were nice...they assured me it will be okie!!

so....went onto the kayak...jerm went with Huili and i went with RongLong....wah...i have a safeguard with me man...but he threaten to not safe me until i am almost drowned...*piang* But i must say, i reli enjoyed the time we had on the kayak! i know i mite not show it, but i really did!! with us going against the waves....splashing salt water onto my face and into my eyes....it was crazy!!! but it was fun...hahaha...really!!!!

On the more serious note, the feeling of inadequacy sank in....how am i suppose to serve God in CF? with my limited capabilities.....i think...aih...sure kenot make it wan lor....
But, as i came back and i as Bernard spoke to us, it's amazing how God is so quick in telling me that ALL are needed in HIS kingdom!!! Whether or not i think i am good enuff, God will use me.
Today during the sharing, prayer and planning session that we had, we all shared different things concerning the same things....and i see how there are different ways of looking at things....and how....wow!!! God is using so many ppl differently!!! Edgar spoke frm different angle as huili, jerm or cuong or even me....and bern's thoughts were totally different too!!! and i really am amazed at how God will speak to us differently and we're all USEFUL instruments for HIM....

Thank You LORD for accepting me as who i am and for using me despite my sins and my weaknesses...

-insert something here-

Haha...again, i donno what to put as the title for my post. I guess, i reli gotta start learning how to be a bit more creative..hahah....

Today has been a bit more boring than usual coz got nothing to do. Haha...i slept oni bout 430am this morning and i woke up at 730am...WOW....3-4 hours of sleep and i am NOT sleepy now...amazing!!! hahaha.....

Well, last nite was fun!! haha....Picked up shel and liyee bout 10:10pm...got into the car and talked nonsense...then, i pandai pandai put on a blur face - my usual :so where now? (mamak dat is)...the funny thing is that i was already driving...seeeish...anyway, everyone stop talking nonsense and all said : i donno leh...where ever la...and of course ppl like shelby will alwiz say :the driver decide. I dont like to decide la..but of course, i had already decided la....so, i sheepishly ask : shall we go to subang? The two of them look at me and smile and said: huh? subang? why go subang ar? after a 2 second pause they roared in laughter....after tat both of them took turns to describe to me how they already suspected. Liyee: i guessed so edi. that's why i ask who is going. Summore she told me oni us 3. TIPU!!! Shelby: i wonder what and who's in subang? *sheepish betul lar she*...den....there were many other things...den, i had to tell them the whole story lar...hahaha....

so...i went and tell la the story...anyway, as we were driving drm ss17 to subang....we had a great time singing (or can consider shouting) to the song addicted by Simple Plan. Amazing...we use to do that too....and memories were recalled on how we alwiz do that when in the car....hahaha...plus me with my "Jesus, You are my Best Friend...." aih...those were the days...but, there's a camp coming up...and yes!!! i know we're gonna have fun too!!! i dont care.....we MUST have fun...and i know we WILL....hahahah

We picked Daniel up, the moment he step into the car, we were silent....haha...takkan we so crazy singing and shouting infront of guys rite? we malu mar...must show that we girls mar....(everyone goes :Yeaaahhh Riteee!!) hahah.....
Den, got to Jon's house...pick him up and we went rounding and all.....and i must say this : One of the highlight was a super crazy U-turn i made at the traffic light...woohoo!!!!! Crazy lady driver!!! hahaha.....

went to Tanjung...(correct anot?) MPSJ were there....so, we went to another place (donno whats it called) and sat there...and talked...until 2 plus or 3am? sent them back....had chat with shel again (not long enough) and den i reached home oni after 4....sneaked in...and found my daddy sleeping in the hall (probably waiting for me) changed and went to sleep.....b4 that, i realised there was a call frm a friend frm spore..so, msged him...make sure all is fine...den went to sleep....

Yes....i'm naughty girl....make daddy wait for me....aih....and i do feel a bit guilty!! Sorry...but i know mama and papa loves me...ahha....and the fact is that no matter how grown-up you are, they will alwiz treat u as if u're a kid and u need their protection...so, yes....sorry Papa...and thanks!!!

Hehe.....out of the 5 of us, oni me got nothing to do today....Jon and Dan had classes today. Shel and Liyee had work...so....was i too selfish to call for yam cha so late?? hmm...sorry guys!!!!mebbe i shd have waited for time when i'm back in KL again in JUNE....will we have another chance? hmm...why am i talking like this?? weird.....

ciaozzz......

ps: MunOnn, we thought of kacau-ing you wan....but thought of it too late liao....dont think u can take it...hahaha.....but, the consolation is that we ACTUALLY thought of u rite?!!! :)

Taman Negara

Wow...Long time no post...well, i came back frm Singapore on the mother's day weekend for me mommy! (Written something bout it edi but havent had time to post...wait...patience!!) And den, on monday, i left for singapore again...gotta go back to spore to pack my stuff and on the same day head to Malaysia for the camp together with the NUS Navigators to Taman Negara, Pahang. WOW rite?? yeah...was dead tired but wert to do...terpaksa la!!

Mother's day was fun. I'm quite sure me mom was appreciative of me coming back for mommy's day and altho it was a simple celebration - makan and shopping, still it means something!

Camp was awesome...well, here comes the long story!
An adventure camp with city kids - Singaporeans...hmmm....Anyway, it was similar but yet vy different too....Similar because this is NOT my first adventure camp...not my first time being in a bat cave...not my first time into a jungle and not my first time on a canopy walk....nothing new but yet the ppl that i went with make a lot of difference!! the whole theme of the camp made a lot of difference and the things that i needed to do and deal with in the camp made the difference.

I went to camp with a heavy heart. I didn't wanna leave home (but i had to) , i was emotionally down....enuff reasons to keep me away frm a camp...but believe it or not, the main thing that cause me to go was my obligation to go because i was suppose to lead 2 worship sessions...i know i know...wrong reasons...kenot just go out of obligation...But, i'm quite sure God made it in such a way that i was "forced" to go to the camp and den He wanted to teach me something.

God worked in subtle ways too....wow...He's awesome!! HE'S just so great!!!
As i was on the 3 hour boat ride (my bum hurt badly frm that ride), i look at God's creation and God reminded me of how different doens't mean ugly and useless and not accepted and not loved. There was this tree.....it stood tall amongst the other trees and the leaves were red in colour...it looked SOOO beautiful... Yet, many a times i feel like that tree....Feel like : i'm so different, i'm not liked, i'm not accepted and i'm not loved...And when i saw that tree, God reminded me that HE doesnt think of me that way that i think HE does...and in fact, HE thinks i'm beautiful...even with my own flaws....

Through leading worship, He taught me how HE can and will use our weakness for good and to bring glory to HIS name!! WE need not be perfect and all that....

There were plenty of things that HE taught me....i don't really have my notebook here with me so sorry, no details...later yah!

but, as i was in the camp, the LORD spoke to me and said : JeeLee, there's something i want you to settle - your anger and dislike against your brothers and against guys....so i said...ok...i'll try. And yeah.....i guess, its just another phase of life lor.....but, i'm okie with guys...so, no fear...i dont eat guys up and i'm over it liao...dealt it with God....and it's all over.....i'm alrite...yeah

No worries....God loves me and i am here to shower love to everyone around me...if u know me well, you'll know that i can never get angry for a very long time....i get angry easily (a weakness) but not for long....hahahha

so...peace out...i'll write more about camp later when i have my notebook with me....rite now, i gotta visit the toilet and den get ready to go to church for Eric and Kuan Daii's wedding!!! woohoo!!!!

ciao....byeeessss....

God bless......

-fingerprints of God-

This song really spoke to me. And Steven Curtis Chapman is a very good musician...He writes vy good songs lor....I'm going crazy over him...haha, He got son anot? Mebbe i can do something about that...hahaha...*jeelee gone crazy liao*

Anyway..yes look at the lyrics of this song...Spoke to me about who i am in the LORD. He moulded me with HIS bare hands and yeah, I am HIS and no matter what ppl say about me, no matter what they make me think i am, my identity is in Christ and HE has taken that effort to make me...and I am beautiful! EVERYONE agrees and says amen!!! haha....

anyway, here goes : Fingerprints of God by Steven Curtis Chapman

I can see the tears filling your eyes
And I know where they’re coming from
They’re coming from a heart that’s broken in two
By what you don’t see
The person in the mirror
Doesn’t look like the magazine
Oh but when I look at you it’s clear to me that

Chorus:
I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know it’s trueYou’re a masterpiece
That all creation quietly applauds
And you’re covered with the fingerprints of God

Never has there been and never again
Will there be another you
Fashioned by god’s hand
And perfectly planned
To be just who you are
And what he’s been creating
Since the first beat of your heart
Is a living breathing priceless work of art and

Just look at youYou’re a wonder in the making
Oh and god’s not through no
In fact he’s just getting started and

Anyway, what i wanted to say was that...I am a masterpiece of God!! EVeryone is. But, the problem is that that part where it says all creation quietly applauds. I guess, the quietly applauds part make quite a difference to ppl's lives rite? Sometimes, we just need encouragement and i guess...no harm done when you encourage someone. But, more often than not, we're so stingy with our words and our encouragement. Hmmm...

Have you ever taken the effort to thank a speaker for taking time to prepare for his sermon? Have you ever thank musicians for practising and taking time out to play? Have you ever thank MCs and Song Leaders for their time spent preparing for worship sessions? Have you ever thank performers for their effort? hmmm...it's something that we gotta start doing...

but..yes, EVERYONE needs to know this : We're all fashioned by God...moulded by HIM, made by HIM....

Fingerprints of God...all over me and you!!!!

Love....

I really have no idea of what to write about this topic....I was just chatting with a friend, a close friend, a sister! And she's hurt - hurt by this man whom i consider man by age but not so by action. His irresponsibility has caused her to be hurt and aih...i donno what to say about him. But, as i was talking to her, she post this question to me : hey, i read your blog and i read that you were hurt too. Are you ok now? and i went : Yeah, i'm fine. It was an old story and not only that, its been so long edi...how can i not be ok rite? I know i'm off him already. He's a friend - a close one in fact. But, we're just friends...nothing more and nothing less!! Yeap...But the question that lingers is : Am i still hurt? hmm....the answer to that...*blank* i donno! i really donno. Ask whether or not i am open to a relationship now, and my answer is probably an ugly NO. Why ugly u ask me? The hurt is still there - the fear of being hurt again. Will i ever meet someone who will not hurt me? Probably NOT. Which explains why i am guarding my heart real tightly. I don't wanna be hurt the way i was. I know it sounds all weird and not jeelee like. But, i guess...you could probably see the hurt and the fear that is in me too rite? I am in no way blaming anyone!! But, i dowan to lie and i dowan to be putting on a fake smile. I do not want to talk about it. I do not want to think about it. I'm learning to let God take care of this hurt and this fear. I'm learning to let HIM handle my heart. I am not too sure how i will let go but i know trust and love involves letting go. Letting go and Letting God handle everything!! Yes Yes....

Probably nothing is more comforting and healing than to know that we have an eternal Father who loves us and wants the best for us in everything that we do. And yes, how can i think of love but not looking towards YOU? It's impossible. Love than the world can offer is not true love and its not something that will satisfy my inner desires!! Let the love of Jesus wash away all the frown that i have...wash away all the hurt...wash away all the tears...

To guys and girls out there, I know we all know that love isn't as simple as we think it is. There are people who wil just ruin your life for you - thank you man!!! But, please....it's not something to be played with - No, Not feeling!!! Something else, mebbe ur Barbie Doll or your G.I.Joe toy. But not feelings please. It hurts...probably not just one party...probably more!! Prob not just for a short while...prob for life!!

-donno what to put here-

It's all jumbled up...My feelings that is. Exams are over *phew* I'm so glad it is - FINALLY!!! After, 2 weeks!!! Ahh...went out and had dinner with Tek, Abang Jeremy, and Sing Pou...Cuong could have followed us but i guess, he has 2 more papers to go..*evil grin*

Anyway, as i was walking towards the library yesterday after lunch with some friends, i was talking to cuong and he suddenly out of the blue asked me this : Do you think guys are weird? Now, do you guys go and suddenly ask a girl that? hmm...THAT'S WEIRD! Anyway, my reply was : YES!!! Insult me or despise me if you want, but at this very time and very moment, i do think that guys are weird. But, its alrite la..since guys think that girls are weird too!! Hahah... *period* Mebbe they're weird to me because they behave in ways that i do not understand sometimes and yet, i claim that i understand guys better than most girls...(how proud and boastful can i get?) GUYS...what do we say about them?
When we ask them , "hey, do you like that girl?" You guys say no...but NEVER get ur eyes of her. When we ask them, "Are you attracted to pretty girls?" You guys say no. Kononnya "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" but again, NEVER fail to stare at every direction she moves. When we ask them, "Does it matter if girls are not completely gentle?" You guys say No. But then you just seem to show favouritism and biasness towards girls who are gentle, gentle!

I'm not against guys...i just think they're a bunch of weird ppl...but, there are exceptions as well of course...No worries to you ppl who think i'm probably another feminist! I'm NOT! I'm just going through a vy frustrating phase - that's all....If i don't like you - i'll show!! hahah....i'm not a person who goes for "pretending"...so..yeah. U get truth from me!!

And...hah...i was reading a friend's blog today...well, all the thing about love and bgr...aihh....
You know, i sometimes really do wish i did not had that kind of inclination. Rather than wondering (1) whether i'll ever get married and (2) who Mr.Almost-Perfect will be? (3) Will Mr.Almost Perfect fit all the "requirements" that i have for a spouse?
I sometimes wonder am i too choosy? No wert....ok la. I admit, i can be pretty picky when it comes to habits of that person...and even the way that person walks....i'm pretty sien about it liao. Let it be la...if he comes along den good lor...if not, then just too bad lar...I mean, i DO have better things to do than to wait for him to come along!! So many other things attract me compared to guys...well, tat prob explains why i think they're weird...but you know whats the irony towards all this things? I'M super duper close to guys!! HAH!! And to a certain extend, i do think tat guys can make very good friends - prob coz they're not so siew hei.

Forget bout guys....coz its a matter of we can't live with them, and yet we can't live without them. Haha.... And for those out there who thinks i need to change a bit, easier to find a guy - I donno whether u exist anot...but i tell you one thing ok : I don't care. If he's gonna live with me for the rest of his life, he better accept me as who i am. Anyway, i'm sure God will only put ppl who like each other together. It's not all bout calvinism you know...

Anyway...today i was reading a blog of a church-mate..i donno whether to consider her ex-churchmate or still in the same church...and she was so bitter. Bitter towards church and towards ppl around...aih...sad betul la...
Again, let me put the blame on SATAN...he works in subtle ways lor...sometimes i think he manage to use me oso..without me knowing...so we gotta be careful!!!

Aih...love.....it's a 4 letter word that turns lives around....feelings go up and down too!! Anyway, there is hope!!! there is hope!! Remember, our God is a God of LOVE!!!! hahah.....just that at tis time, i think guys are weird...but doenst mean that i've given up hope on guys...hahaha..i've not given hope on God...neither on love....and not on guys too...so...hahah....

==exam==

Hmm....my last paper for the sem(or accademic year), TOMOLO!!!! yay!!!!

Den again, a bit stressed oso...donno what to expect...a level 2000 module summore! hmm...but no worries, its all in the LORD'S hands...so, i got no worries..the oni worry i have (which i shdnt have) is whether or not i will be awake during my exam time...am planning to send James off at the airport tmr and that would mean, i gotta get up at 5:30?? wah..tis is crazy!! hahaha....

anyway, i think i shd go sleep now....been quite a so-so day la....not super productive but ok la...at least i manage to finish all that i wanted to...

I've been going crazy over the song : Hallelujah to the Lamb...

The awesomeness of God amazes me everyday....and there's just SO much to thank HIM for!!!

Let us ALL put our negative thoughts, our trials, our distress behind us and focus on God. U'll just be so awed by HIS amazing love and grace!!!!

{[a change]}

Yes, i have changed my template AGAIN!

As much as i love 'Forever Friends' , I didn't quite like the colour and the fact that i oni had a tiny space for my blogs to be published. Yes, i know...irritating rite? and den, i had no place to publish comments summore...i have found nicer templates but the space for reading posts is still quite small leh...mebbe a little bigger than my previous one but still much smaller compared to this template. Haha...i tot, getting out of the norm mite be good but nvm la...k la....

wanna hit my bed...tmr long day of studying and den on wed, mite wanna send Jamey off as he goes to Phillipines...depends....i reli would like to but see whether i can wake up anot...i DO have a paper on wed at 5pm okie....hahahah

k la....not much to write today as i'm tired...hahaha

:D

:?reflection?:

I think my blog makes me look girlish rite? Sorry eh, but i AM a girl..haha, i know...ppl say i dont behave like one...or i was meant to be a guy?? but who cares?! Peeps frm everywhere says they enjoy me company. What does ppl have to say?? Hah!!! Come on, ppl..donnit to be shy...I know Life Chapelians miss me....old and young alike!! haha...me being perasan case now. However, me point is this: there's constantly this pressure to be a girlie girl, be gentle...blow ur hot steaming soup b4 u drink ( i dont..i just sip and den burn my tongue! But mind you, i dont drink my soup or eat till the next country can hear!), talk softly (yes, i am LOUD) , even laugh oso gotta be soft (Can anyone do that??!!) , dont play football or rough games (sorry la man!! No football, no talk!) , dont look so fierce (what?! U mean i gotta go for a makeover?) , dont alwiz get so angry (it's my weakness, i admit!) , dont be so friendly to guys [("sometimes, gotta jual mahal a bit"-says ppl) and i can't help it rite? I mix well with all - guys and girls alike]...and MANY other things....stereotypes of girls that our society has. Girls that catch attention of guys....girls that are "considerable" for guys...Oh come on, gimme a break!!!!

3 posts in a day shows dat i'm super bored!! and well, bored brings to depression..haha! But, easy way to get out of depression...i called home!!! YAY!!! Pa, Ma, Leng, Vern : you guys know me best!!! As for Aun, he rather watch his Prince of Egypt than talk to me..Haha, i dont blame him, if i were his age and all i can think of is my cartoon, of course i rather watch the cartoon lar! And at 12am, i called me best friend : ms. yee weng yan. Yay!!! i spoke to her and it was great! when i was pressing her number on me mobile, i was tearing and i told myself to stop it. I dowan her to hear me cry. So, anyway...yes...i spoke to her and as usual..we were laughing all the way thru....hahah!!! Normal normal....good buddy!!!

it's really peer pressure to conform to what the SUBSCRIBED notion of a proper girl is!! I hereby declare that i am not a conformist!! I dont conform to many things of the world, and the macho and stylish way of life...and i'm NOT gonna conform to being a girlish girl. I am who i am. Whether you like it or not! Ppl say if i continue to be like this, i'll never get a bf. Lemme say just one thing, if my bf (if i have one) comes to me and says he prefers me to be a bit more girlish, i'll dump him straight into "i-wish-u-were-dead" list. haha....not that such list exists anyway!! :D
If i have any weaknesses, i'm MORE than glad to hear you out and gimme some inputs to correct myself. But, dont tell me about how i shd be a girl!! If you love me, accept me as who i am - even my flaws..even my tom-boyishness....Come on, EVERYONE loves me!!! what's the problem with some?? U love me and yet wish i was a bit more girlish?? NONSENSE!!

ISH....SEEISHH....EEEKKS.....*grosss*....

[oFFicial]

It's official!!!

I'm depressed!!! Woohoo....i'm getting crazy too....

=Ms.Bloggie=

I woke up today and just felt like blogging. Hah!! It's weird! Anyway, i read some friends bloggie and the thought that came : ahhh, how i miss those ol' times! Those lame friends and the crazy things that we've done. Walking around 1U wondering where is the shop dat i wanna go to. With 1U, there's no need to go to places like Midvalley nemore. I don wanna die walking around man!

Anyway, better stop thinking bout what i would like to have. Rather think of what i actually have!!! hmmm....

You know, as a navigator, so much importance have been put on discipleship and i started to wonder whether my mentor choose me or she felt God's calling her to me. Hmm...I still do not know. But, i think mentorship and discipleship is no issue to be taken lightly. I've a friend who's mentoring 5 fellas and he's been mentoring them for bout 5 years already. And, 5 years is not short! Imagine, meeting up with disciples EVERY SINGLE WEEK!..even despite busy schedules such as exams? How many of us are committed to do such? i reli donno man! And yet we take this things lightly. Its not about who we think have the potential to grow or who we think can take a leadership role in church. It's about who God wants you to mentor!! It's all about GOD's leading and not who we think will be best to mentor. I mean, you think you know EVERYTHING about a person to know that person's need?! Well, of course we do get some ideas about whether that person is ready to be discipled anot. But, dont you think that the most important step to take is to ask God whether or not this person is for you to mentor? Or, God wants to deal with this person on a one-to-one basis? As in, God will deal with him/her. Do we pray for our disciples? hmm....As i was thinking bout my own mentor, i'm starting to doubt whether her love and care is sincere anot. Not that she's been a lousy mentor. She's been fantastic but i would reli hate to find out that i was "assigned" to her. If assigned by God den nvm. If assigned bcoz of something else, den i think i will need God's help not to be angry.And to be a mentor is not an easy task. James 3:1-2 : My brethen, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. For we all stumble in many things, If anyone does not stumble in a word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.
My reason for bringing up this 2 verses is that being a disciple is like being a teacher - a heavy responsibility thing. Questions mentors alwiz need to ask themselves is this : are you stumbling your disciples in any way? and, NOT everyone who SEEM to be ready for a mentor has reached his/her appointed time according to God's time-table. My first mentor? ONLY this year!!!

Anyway, the point i want to make is this : We're only God's tools...We're not God. So, dont behave like one. We're not here to make decisions concerning God's kingdom and HIS people without consulting HIM. He makes the decisions about it and we are HIS tool!!!

No matter what we do, lets not take God's work lightly ok!

-sorry-

Today was a day of no rest...Running from one place to another...I reli want to be a good host to friends who come and visit Singapore (or me). Anyway, i hope Sam, Radika, Daniel and aunty (Radika's mom) were happy with my treatment of them. Hehe....

Anyway, as i got back home, i went and get myself a phone card to call home as my previous phone card has reached its limit. Anyway, so i called home and spoke to JeeLeng...I'm so sorry for not being able to be there to give u a hug and speak to u and sorry i wasn't online when u needed to speak to me. I was away. I am sorry but know that i have been thinking of you as well and i reli wish i was back home too....

You know...God sending me to Spore not only affected me, but ppl around me as well...and God has a reason for all this. I know it seems evil for God to do that...to seperate ppl and do things in order to teach us new things...but dont we agree that more often than not, there's just a GREAT amount of good things as compared to the bad things....furthermore, how often is it that when we look back at things, when we reminiscence and we see that although at that specific time, we feel like shit (forgive my language), but when we're in the future and we look back, we know that it has turned from bad to good...wow, cool rite?!!!

I wanna encourage all who read this that altho things mite seem like going down the long and windy path, dont be discourage but know that in the future, when u look back, u will see nothing less than God's awesomeness!!!God is good all the time...and time to thank HIM for everything although things might not seem too good yeah?!