*missing*

You know, there are phases in each person's life that we just can't seem to forget, and there are a few of such phases in my life. I think the phrase " A slip of the foot, you may recover ; a slip of the tongue may last forever" is very applicable. Well, not that i'm being nostalgic and reminiscing of all the past things that has happened in my life. Oh well, maybe i am. But, yes...there are things in my life that has really shaped me and as i sit in front of my comp, i just think of all the times that had passed and i really have to thank God for it all...altho many of these things were not so happy things...things that made me cried and eventually look like a panda.

Evelyn's death taught me how to appreciate those around us and God taught me about love - about being judgmental. Evelyn was someone who's not judgmental at all. She was a very loving friend and alwayz giving in to me. She corrects me when i am wrong and yet loves me. All the fun things that we went through. I alwiz love the feeling of being protective...She was so vulnerable and i was so protective too...

Popo pampered me to the max!! She showed me love and through her death, God showed me that truly things that we think that is impossible is possible with God! God will make a way even when there seems to be no way!! Popo loved me!!!! God loves us!!!

Through broken relationships, i learn how to be very careful as to who i give my heart to. Having my vulnerable heart broken is very painful and now i am learning to not be afraid. I'm afraid of being hurt...afraid of what might turn out in the relationship...Yes, i learn to trust and yet be wary!The Lord taught me what it means to safe guard our body as God's temple...Not just body but also my heart.

But, i must say that, through it all....i appreciate the love that has been shown to me through friends....and family!!! No doubt about that!!! I love u guys very much and still misses you all very very much!!

To old friends, know that i appreciate all we went thru together, be it short or long times, be it easy or difficult times....

To new friends, i thank the LORD for u and i'm sure there's gonna be exciting years ahead to our friendship!!!

To future friends, God puts ppl together for a greater purpose. Imagining what HE can do just brings us to reli look to the future!!

Thanks be to U....

I really want to thank the LORD for all that HE has done for me...

Yes, i was upset yesterday over some issues...but i know for sure today that all that the LORD has for me is LOVE and nothing that the devil try to do can seperate me from the LOVE of GOD!!

I thank all the friends that i have...we're not ALWIZ an encouragement to each other...but i guess, we gotta learn to be an encouragement to each other as much as possible. And, i think its important that we look out for those around us who are feeling down. You know, we christian are so careful about how non-christians feel..whether they feel loved by us anot..we want SO much to care and love them...but, have we neglected our close ones? have we neglected the need of our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? I think its important that we keep our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ in mind alwiz as well...they're no less vulnerable to the devil than non-believers. I think in fact, christians are even more vulnerable to the attack of the devil. Well, why would the devil want to work so hard on non-believers? i think, he rather work harder on believers and draw them away from CHrist!!! so...aih...be very careful and lets keep each other in prayer and make the effort to care for one another and show love to each other as well!! it's important!!!

k......God is love...remember that...and HE is faithful.....

gotta remind myself!!! Jesus LOVES me!!!!!!

hmm...

New look...but one thing sacrificed...COMMENTS!!!

arrggghhh...for those smarties who know IT stuff...please...teach me....how do i add a link to comments on my page??

i want to see comments leh.....
how ar?

tak kan comments all go to taggie meh??

pls help!!!

:D

*think*

Hmm....

Previous post was something that i had to say out of anger, frustration, just plain disturbed! Anyway, yeah....i spent the whole night crying....and well, there's much to learn. Besides knowing that your eyes gets very tired after crying for so long. Well, yeah...i felt really unloved and somehow just despised everyone around me. But, well....God has been merciful to ME!! And i thank God for being so gracious and merciful...U know, when i was just going on and on about how i dont feel loved, a few ppl asked me what was the matter and asked me what was wrong...i then felt that God was trying to tell ME that even if i feel unloved by ppl around me, HE still loves me very much!! Yes!! I know.....

So...no worries...even if ppl dont show love...I must be faithful and i must cling onto the LORD to know that everything that i have is from the LORD!!

Men (and women alike) are discouraging and i dont blame anyone. It's our make-up! No wonder the LORD said "Do not depend on the flesh.." and "alwiz look upwards..." (with great paraphrase frm me..haha)

Anyway....gotta put my trust and hope not in what men (and women) can offer but what the LORD has already offered!!! :)

Bday...

Happy Birthday RongLong....

Wah...so super happy...in the midst of all our exams, we celebrated RongLong's birthday...This just goes to show how much u mean to us ronglong....

Anyway.....besides that...i've been emotionally sick!! I'm so tired of so many things liao...why am i so rigid...so fierce...so quick to get angry....so sensitive...

I admit...i'm no gentle girl...i'm vy tom-boyish...i'm super dislike-able!!! I KNOW!! I KNOW!!!! Why is it that i have to put on a gentle looking face....gentle behaviour...when i behave not so gentle, i'm not acceptable? Why is it like that? why ppl dont accept me for who i am?? i feel so sick!!!!!!

Arrrgggghhhh.......

Thinking Aloud...

Hmm....

I ate A LOT today!!! haha...i donno why i got SO hungry today...Must be stress la!

Anyway, i didnt get to accomplish much because the ppl that i was studying with was getting pretty stressed up with one of the paper that they were gonna have. It was quite disturbing actually.

U know, sometimes i feel so bad. Because there's this person that i dont really enjoy talking to because that person alwiz seem to be talking nonsense and sometimes i dont even understand what that person is saying and den...when trying to crack lame jokes, i just can't stand it! Seeish...sometimes i wish that person is far away from me. But i know i cannot think of that of a fellow friend. I know it s not good. And i shd try to change the way i perceive ppl! Haih...may the LORD help me to purify my thoughts.

Well, i'm listening now to Whitney Houston's Greatest Love of all....and well, it brings back memories...ALL the WAAAY back to form4...I still remember conducting our class choir for that song...well well, we got 2nd place rite??!! haha....it was good times man!!! And oh boy...much has happened in f4 and f5...oh wait, i think English choir was f5 rite? Malay choir was f4...hmmm...eh, no la...both oso f4...hahah...yes...Many things happened during that 2 years...Had extraordinary fun days with friends...

Those years were precious...back in SMKB...back in secondary school days...aih...how i wish we were all still together...but, i guess its part and parcel of life where we gotta part lor...Some are in private colleges, some in local Unis, some overseas....Let's see, Ping Suan is in UNSW (Uni of New South Wales), Kin Aik is in UK..(hehe, i donno what uni - i think it's liverpool rite?)...Some in local uni (UM, UTAR etc..), Junie in IMU...Some are in private Colleges...i donno which one...hahah...JeeLee and Mi Chelle in NUS...aih...we're all seperated..I wonder when can we all have a gathering again....

Its amazing how we went thru so much together yah buddies? Still remember all the late nights out mamak?? Haha...cool times....eh, i heard Spicy Kitchen close down edi...and tai tai pui oso...What's tis...our fav hang out place...seeish...Al-Bakat not very nice leh!!! The Club near it is vy noisy leh.....

Friends are forever.....No man is an island yah.....Together we went thru all the school days of playing truant....and doing all sort of nonsens in class...crack lame jokes during Chemistry Labs session....Biology session was not much better too...Still remember how Pn.Leong alwiz ask us to switch places if we talk during her Physics period?? haha....I alwiz kena poke out...innocent. All because of Chong Thiam!!!! THOSE were the days man!!! cool man....

:D

k....take care all ya....
God bless....

I'm Alive...

I know i know...It's been a long time since i last blogged...hahah....Well, i think you can guess what i have been up to...What else but exams?? SEEISH.....

Anyway....had 3 examinations so far already...3 more to go. No, 6 examinations doesnt mean i'm taking 6 modules. I'm only taking 5 mods. I have an extra exam because Theatre Studies come in 2 parts - (1) Practical and (2)Theory. So, i've already sat for the Practical part of the examination. Only left the Theory which is this coming wednesday. And well well, i also have my SS to study for this wednesday...Hahaha...but, shdn't be a problem la...Depending on HIM for everything....

My other 2 previous papers have been alright. Actually, its been more than alright. Because, i tell u, i really enjoyed the exam. WEIRD JeeLee!! Haha...but yeah. It's a great joy that i've been experiencing from the LORD. He's hand is in everything. Not because i can answer everything! I'm not a person who sits in the exam hall and go, hey i know all this!! But, its just an unexplainable experience. I'm glad HIS peace and joy was with me! I'll tell more when i have the time...

k...gotta go....God is good all the time!!!!

:)

Faith Without work is Dead...

As i was reading today's passage. I decided to do James 2. Anyway, as i read on and on...this is not an unfamiliar passage and yes, i've been reading this passage for the past few weeks already. But, something else occured to me today as i was reading it. Will there be such a thing as work without faith?

You know, as exams draw near, well, i DO have a paper later at 5pm - theatre practical , i find myself studying almost the whole day but at the end of the day, find nothing satisfying and find myself telling me : I haven't done enuff....why waste the whole day? That's how i feel most of the time..I feel that i no longer have faith. I no longer have faith that HE will do what HE needs to do with me, with my time, with my abilities, with everything that i am! I know it....it's so difficult....aih!! I must really learn to depend on HIM and also to be an obedient child. Things that the LORD does is invisible to us at times, but doesn't mean that HE's not there rite? He IS there! It's up for me to look up to HIM - to have faith!! EVERYTHING will go on as HIS WILL wills....

Have faith in everything!!No point having work so much but not having faith. That is the more important thing....

Todaeee....

I slept only at 5am last nite. Doing what? nonsense lor....Aih....i think it was the euphamol and the ice-cream that kept me awake. Oh no!! Now, i know what i should not take before i go to bed, ICE-CREAM!!

Anyway, as i was just doing my QT, it talks abit about love as well. 1 John 3:11-21. But my attention was brought to vs20-21. Last nite during BS, we talked a lot about the condition of the heart and how we all do not have a clean heart but when we receive the LORD, our old self dies and so does our dirty and unclean heart. I once posted this song in one of my posts : Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts.... Anyway, yeah....a pure heart and a clean hand! Something that we all do not have anymore...Something that people somehow do not desire to have anymore. We had a great time of BS last nite. Praying and praying!! It's alwiz refreshing when we come before the LORD and just submit everything into HIS hands...ourselves and our being and our friends as well. It is quite important that we uphold our fellow brothers and sisters in prayer.

1 John 3:18 - My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.

I think it is vy important that we seek to have a pure heart! Let us all have confidence in the LORD! Has He ever left You or forsaken You? I'm VERY confident HE didn't. If HE seemed as He did, ask yourself whether did you ask HIm to back out first? He has mentioned many many times of how much HE loves us and HE has given us many promises and said that HE will not leave us nor forsake us. He's a faithful God and will not depart from HIS word. It is us who are unfaithful!

Deut 6:5 - Love the Lord with all your heart, soul and might.
Eph 6:11 - Put on the WHOLE armor of God,that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
John 14:15 - If you love ME, keep My commandments.
Matt 5:8 - Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God.

Eyes focused on HIM....No one else, noTHING else...ONE way, JESUS!!!!

The Heart of worship...

When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
A Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'll bring you more than a song
For a song in itself Is not what you have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

CHORUS:
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And its all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When its all about You
It's all about You

King of endless worth
No one could express how much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath
I'll bring you more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what you have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

Let us remember that our lives are a worship to the LORD....Worship is a lifestyle and not on sundays only.

Romans 12:1 - I beseech you therefore, brethen, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.

Weeee Morning!

Aih....it's 1:30am now.

And here i am online still...not doing anything productive! Listening to Sarah Mclachlan's Stupid. What a song to listen to rite? I know i know...hahah...But her songs are nice mar...And i'm also ripping them from the cd into my itunes! hahah....Now, i'm doing the same thing for my Josh Groban's cd! Haha....I act as if exams are still far far away when it is actually this friday!Gosh...why so fast lar??! oh man!!

I did weird things today. I downloaded Post-it onto my comp....did some stuff regarding blogs and of course studied...and slept!! And den i went for our rehersal for the theatre production. Aiyo, i tell u!!!i had to walk back all the way from sheares hall to PGP. All because i thought that the last bus was at 11pm. But, it was actually at 1030pm...ish!! nevermind!!

So...came back and did all the posting that i needed to do! I know my lecturer is gonna close the forum today! (18/04)...so, i better post all the things that i want to say before she goes to the office in the morning! hahah.... and now, i'm blogging and wasting my time ripping songs...goodness!!!

This is crazy!!! I'm so sleepy actually...and tmr i'll be going down to the lib early in the morning to do whatever i want to do and den after that, gotta go down to black box where we're gonna reherse for our play as well...ish! So much time spent on the theatre and now exams are so near summore! seeish...seeish....i havent started studying for my saturday paper yet!!! Please pray for me oh....i scared really no time man!!! nvm nvm...i trust in God's timing and He will make all things possible yeah...So long as i just rely on HIM completely!!

yeah man....

k la....if i dont close this and post this, i will never go to bed!

It is A happy Day....

I've been pretty tired lately. Actually, it's not that i haven't been sleeping much but because i've been pretty busy studying everyday. Aiyo, how not to get tired when u stare at words for the whole day leh? Now, now....those who are working dont come saying that u wish u were in school okie...I'm sure u guys hated exams...Well, that is exactly what i am going through now...exams!!! arrggghh....how fun can this be? But well, the weird thing is this: i'm finding joy in my studies. As i study, as i prepare for my exams, i know that the LORD is here with me and i know that how i do eventually will not matter and i know that what matters most is that i bring glory and honour to YOUR name and i know that more importantly my joy is in the LORD and in HIS presence!!

Well, the world is full of discouragement and disappointment. When you try to put ur trust and hope in someone, how often do we feel discouraged and how often do we feel that the world is a horrible place to live in because u can't really trust anyone anymore. No matter how close or how good they are to you, at one point or another, they would have surely disappoint you. No doubt in that....well, in the LORD, there is no disappointment and no discouragement. Well, if u want to argue and say that there are, up to u...But, disappointment and discouragement happens because our will is against HIS will and yet we are so stubborn and want to persue our will!!! So, it's not really something that is the doing of the LORD. IT's something that we do not want to give up. So, not HIS fault really rite?!

Anyway, as i was doing my QT this morning, i was reading Psalm 9...this verse came up :
9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
10 Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD , have never forsaken those who seek you.

Well, the LORD has promised to never leave us nor forsake us and truly He has said even in Jeremiah 29:13 - And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me will all your heart.

Now now....let's all seek HIM with all our heart, soul and might, that we may find HIM!!!Remember that the LORD has said that He will never forsake us! It is us who forsakes HIM...

The LORD loves us very much and Psalm 9:9-10 (as above) is a psalm of praise!! Praise HIM...

I know everyone who's facing exams and are so stressed up, remember that the LORD is our refuge and our staff. He will guide us. So, let us just depend on HIM lor!!!

end of the week...

Well, haha...it's NOT exactly end of the week but it IS friday!! hahaha....end of study week. Well, not really oso lar actually...where got such thing as end of study week wan. Everyday is a study day...hahah...even tmr, i'm continuing to go to the library to study...ish...this is crazy!! haha...study on sat and on sunday? Part and parcel of life..

But, one thing i wanna say is this: truly, as the week has passed, it is great to see the work of the LORD! He has been great....encouraging me as i go along...studying..altho i really dislike studying! Hahaha....Anyway, yeah...the LORD has really been encouraging!! encouraging me ALL the way....really!!!

Guys are weird...haha...i have to say that!! i just have to...why are they so weird? haha...that's weird!! haha....

when u see so many laughters at a msg, it means something is wrong with me..and rite now, what is wrong? I'm having a bad bad headache! Ish...Not enuff sleep!!!!!

ok...goodnite.....

Application : Learning, learning!!

There's so much to learn - ESP from James (No, not the James from church or James from Nav) !!

It's so hard to listen and den apply to life! Arggghh....Life's been quite discouraging and even disappointing as well...For a start, i woke up today to the alarm of my handphone and i wondered :eh, what happened to my alarm clock? Rupa-rupanya, no more batery edi!!!And a massive headache....hmm....now now...Not a very good start to the day rite?

Anyway, i got up and read my Bible and did my BSF work. Oh, incase any of of u reading donno what's BSF, it's Bible Study Fellowship!!

It's not easy keeping my eyes looking up and forward...Looking unto the LORD. I know i alwiz make it sound so easy but it's definitely easier said and done. Esp when exams is round the corner, its even easier to be discouraged and den it's not easy lar...i hate studying lor. Lord, why not i just serve YOU my very best - go into mission field or something la...i dowan to study liao...I know i sometimes feel like giving up, but on the other hand, i also know that it is the LORD's will for me to continue studying for HE sent me here to NUS. I've been praying that whatever the discouragement may be, be it studies or relationships or even my own personal instablity as far as my walk with the LORD is concerned, i know that HE will never leave me nor forsake me!! I need to come before HIM, humble and accepting HIS word with open heart!!

I'm here on this third rock from the sun call earth living my life as well as i can...running the race in order to win it! But, i guess....i'm not here to put up a strong front for everyone so that they can look at me and say : She's very strong in the LORD. Well, the fact that i'm blogging all my life journey and my tracks in this race, i want to say that Life is not easy and being a christian for more than 10 years doenst mean that i've MASTERED the skills of living and doesnt mean that i no longer get disappointed or anything like that. I still do!! But, the differences is that i know what is it i need to know and i also know that the LORD is there to pick me up when i fall and continue to cheer me on as i run this race! It's not easy. We all fall once in a while, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. No one should make me feel ashamed of my fallings and failures because it is part and parcel of life and through it all, the LORD has something to teach me!! More importantly is that when we fall, we lift our hands to the LORD so that HE can lift us up and when we're up, continue to run the race and HE will continue to cheer us on!! Don't get up and sit there thinking : Aiyo, i shdn't have fallen. but i did...all this self-pity is not gonna do us all good. I still do that once in a while but i guess, when i commit myself into the LORD's hands...He is faithful and HE will comfort me when i need it lor!!

I read James and i see this verse that says, James 2:23, And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, "Abraham believed God and it was accounted to him for righteousness." And he was called the friend of God. WOW!!!!! I want to be called God's friend as well...i want to be like david, a woman after God's own heart... Well, it's not easy...Abraham had to go through the test..i will too....David went through sufferings as well...i need to too....

yeah man....so, for whoever who's reading this, lets keep each other in prayer....for our strength is definitely in the LORD yeah...(Phil 4:13)!!

Lets pray that the journey from the head (knowledge) to the heart wont be a difficult one and won't take SO long....

Let me add this song, by Avalon...entitled : Adonai

One single drop of rain

Your salty tear became blue ocean

One tiny grain of sand turning in your hand

A world in motion

You're out beyond the furthest morning star

Close enough to hold me in Your arms

Adonai

I lift up my heart and I cry

My Adonai

You are maker of each moment

Father of my hope and freedom

Oh, my Adonai

One timid faithful knock

Resounds upon the Rock of Ages

One trembling heart and soul

Becomes a servant bold and courageous

You call across the mountains and the seas

I answer from the deepest part of me

From age to age you reign in majesty

And today you're making miracles in me

truly, He'll carry us through each day....carry us through all trying times....It is pure joy anyway!!!! yeah...and we can go and cry to HIM!!!! That's what we have in the LORD....

wow....so many thing happened today man!!!

Haha....so many things happened today dat i donno whether i want to blog it down anot anyway.

Well, to keep it short and simple, since i'm having a massive headache now... I'm pretty discouraged today....but, i'm alrite...i know i dont make sense...i talk too much rubbish!!!

anyway.....today, wasn't completely productive...but i'm okie with it!!! hahaha.....No, wait...i shdn't be.....

ok...i'm talking too much rubbish...well, for keeping info sake, i'm gonna blog this down...i went norht-south-east-west of singapore today...hahahah.....

cool eh??

neway....i'll probably edit my post...tis is RUBBISH!!!!

:)

Gooood...

God is good, All the time!!! AMEN....

I remember we sang tis song on our friday rally - led by our dear sister Hui Yue...

Anyway, as i went to sleep last night, i told God, please encourage my heart. It's so broken and i just feel so down. This morning i woke up to not much a change in the state of my heart but i was ready to go and worship God!! The weird thing was this : Despite my discouraged heart, i felt that there was something to worship and thank God for...And so i got ready and went to church....

At church, my attention was brought back to the goodness of God...and yes, i was feeling discouraged but i know that this discouragement is not from God. It's from the devil...and many things flashed through my mind....the need to be faithful (to be full of faith as well), trust in HIM, He doesn't expect a perfect JeeLee, God loves me and the things that the LORD has done has alwiz been great stuff (not just good but great and awesome stuff)...and i can't help but thank the LORD for loving me and for being who HE is.....the LORD is great and HE will take care of me and whatever i do, is to glorify HIS name...

Truly HIS love and grace is exceedingly great....

Psalm 107 : 1 -Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for HE is good! For HIS mercy endures forever.

Many times in Psalm 107, that sentence is repeated and i know the Holy Spirit was telling me : JeeLee, can't you see God's goodness? Give thanks to HIM!!!

Yes, thank You Lord for never leaving me nor forsaking me altho i've failed YOu!!!!

Studeeing

Well,

We started studying together as a bs grp. But, since not many ppl came, we included non-monday bs grp members as well...haha...now it's a All are welcome thingy....It's been great except that Edgar should encourage studying and not talking. Eh, we're all behind time edi lor...hahaha....but, yeah la...edgar, gotta learn to be sensitive to others and also learn to do things productively lor. We want to bond together as we study together and also to show that we're not in this alone...we bear each others burden yeah...Not impose more burden on them. Haha....k..U shut me up and i'll shut u up as well...heheh

hmm.....I went over to Jul's house to stay over for SPP (Slumber Party Prayer). Well, last nite i was a bit discouraged over him. U know who la (well, u'll know if u've been consistently reading my blog)...anyway, yeah....i somehow feel tat he's avoiding me. Sensitive-nya...i know i know!! But, i just can't help but feeling that he's avoiding me!! So, i was a bit discouraged. Plus i was also a bit discouraged because i didn't finish what i wanted to do. So...we prayed and i just dedicated the whole issue into God's hands....

And today, we spoke about discouragement....Well, it was certainly great to see so many ppl come for SPP....ok..back to topic...yeah, i realised that mainly most of the time when i'm discouraged its because i dont rely on God's strength but instead try to rely on my own strength and be superwoman. I know i have the capability to be one. My mom is one. She's a superwoman and i know that i can be one as well. So, it's easy for me to slip into the state of independence from God - even without realising and knowing it.

My last post was about how i feel so stressed up and how i'm not relying on God's strength. I didn't realise i was doing it until BSF reminded me of how i am relying on my own strength instead of God's!! And, really, it's so easy to fall away and be independent of God without realising but of course life is not easy when u're independent of God. Try doing it for a week and you'll realise how miserable you have become - miserable and also bitter. Aih...it's not easy man.

After realising that, i know i really need to surrender my life back again to HIm....The 2 questions HE brought to mind was this : (1) Have i forgotten to give HIM my 100%? (2) Have i forgotten how i used to be so enthusiastic about glorifying HIM? And Yes, sadly...i have forgotten these things that i held so closely to my heart. It has not been long forgotten, it has only been a few weeks...but, its good enuff to gimme a slap on the face!
And another realisation is this : I want to give HIM my 100% and glorify HIS name...but i CERTAINLY can't do that with my own strength.

Zech 4:6 - Not by might nor by power, but by the spirit of God!! - That's our source of strength!!

I rededicated my life back to HIM...to focus on HIM...asked for forgiveness....to do ALL things dependent FULLY on HIM....Give HIM my best!!! He deserves nothing less....and yet, we do all things through CHRIST...dependent on HIM!!!!

Dependent??

Aih....

It's been such a stressful few days...i know i shouldn't be. And i'm so ashamed of myself for being so stressed...I was reading through ephesians 6 today and i've realised that i havent been relying on God's strength but been depending on my own strength....WHY oh WHY have i been like dat?

I CANNOT be so down or so irratated and so stressed up...because i'll be limiting the LORD's work and i wont be able to be a good tool for HIM as well....so, i gotta open up and be focused!!!

Pray for me yeah....

hmmm.....pray oso for my bs grp...i'm trying to make the effort for us to bond more....but, its hard when ppl dont really respond...so, pls pray yeah....

Interesting dae...

I don't trust the blog. I scared later, i press the publish button and den it all gets deleted. And then i'm gonna go REAL mad...hahaha...then again, how mad can JeeLee be rite? She's a nice and loving girl...hahah. (I know some of u gonna go, YEAH RITE! or ppl like Su will go : Aiyoh, thick skin again!!, but Su, i learnt it all frm u...hahah...point fingers again...;P)

Anyway, today is really an interesting day. Well, or rather yesterday...if u look at my time of blogging, it's actually bout 2 plus in da morning...heheh....Well, it's monday and i came back from BS oni bout 12 plus. Well, of course this was because we went for supper at Clementi lor. Haha...But i must say, i enjoyed supper today. Well, mebbe because it's been quite a long time since we last had supper together and also because it was a good time of catching up with people..yeah, esp those who we rarely see....ppl like Noel, HuiLi...it's been a long time since we last hung out as a grp for fellowship yeah?! I think it's time we do that lor....Mebbe next week?!

For a start, this morning started out pretty well....Altho i had difficulty waking up in the morning, but i went to YIH for QT anyway. It was good because the Lord really spoke to me. Although i didnt feel like talking to HIM when i'm half awake- but He spoke to me in a very special way. The lessons that He taught me was (1) Believers should take the initiative to gather together with ONE accord - ONE purpose. (2) The work of the Holy Spirit in that when i proclaim the good works of the LORD, i need to be fill with the Holy Spirit too. I mean, anyone can proclaim the good works of the LORD, but only when our bodies are filled with the Holy Spirit then only what we say will bring more meaning and reach out to the heart of others!!

Although i actually told myself that i would want to study after my QT, i came back and slept...hahah lousy girl!!

Anyway, at 2pm i went for class...the amazing thing was that on my way to class, i received an sms from Lilian asking us (Me, Jerm, James and Edgar) to go to her house for some exco thingy. So, i said ok. But, the problem remain was this : Liren won't be around for dinner and Liren told me to arrange for dinner. Well, usually its between me and Liren...So, i was like..eh, how do i arrange dinner and yet be there at Lilian's house? So, i told Noel to help me to arrange for dinner lor. hehehe.....And very kind of Zach to offer to get free food for us at Eusoff Hall...hehehe...So, we packed food and brought it to Lilian's house and when we were at Lilian's house, we makan-ed and also talk bout exco stuff....To start off, we were told of our position in the exco...hahah....Believe me, it was a darn suprise!!! really!!! hahaha....Positions for president and Vice-President was very very VERY suprising...haha...when it was announced, i was so shocked, i just look at the others in such disbelief. I hope they were not offended. Yah...anyway, with the positions out now....we all know that we have our responsibilities to perform and all that lor. Well, some might feel inadequate ( I admit, i do too) but i believe that God has given us this position so that we may learn from it and that we may serve HIM well!!! There is no such thing as a higher position or a lower position. Remember that we're serving HIM in this manner and EVERY single part of HIS body is important. So, we're all important. The NUS Navigators will not be able to function without each and everyone of us - whatever position in the exco you hold and even non-exco members! We're ALL important in this ministry... We're ALL God's children. No favouritism....or biasness....or anything like that. The LORD is fair and HE loves each one of us the same!! Even if u're the ear of this body, U're also as significantly important compared to the head . So, do remember that....whatever we serve as, we serve not men but GOD. And even if we hold small, tiny-weeny positions in whatever organisation or body, we're ALL equally important in HIS body! And we're all tools for HIS work and for the extension of HIS kingdom and also for HIS glory!!! So, no such thing as small job or big job. We're all CALLED!!!

During BS, thoughts that came to mind was that there's so many things about Jesus that we can learn... A few things stood out to me.. (1) His great power. (2) His compassion (3) His humility and servanthood (4) His providence.Our Lord Jesus Christ loves us very very much and it's amazing when i look at the things that the LORD has done for each one of us! He calls us to have faith in HIM no matter what. Questions i ask myself : (1) Am i passionate about Jesus? Does Jesus meet my needs? What are my needs? (2) Do i acknowledge the power of Jesus and my incapabilty and ALL i could do is to depend on God? (3) Am i willing to give up what is mine for HIM? (4) Do i trust in HIM?

yeah...its not easy questions and not meant to be answered right now. I will slowly ponder upon them but i believe with all my heart that Jesus loves Me and I love Him very much too!!!! My relationship with the LORD is something that i will not give up no matter what. It is the best thing that i have!!! The most precious gift!!! Yeah man....Although sometimes things might not be too nice and easy and all flowery and all that, but if there's a party that's causing the problem, it's us....and our unfaithfulness!!!

Thank You Lord!!! I Love u!!!!

Sundae...

I blogged last nite. But, i donno what happened to the post. Haha, mebbe i shd save it everytime b4 i click on anything. ISH!!!!

For an update, I went to Johor yesterday to see the dentist. I think it's been ages since i last went and saw one. Anyway, it was necessary because my wisdom tooth was aching and i couldn't stand it any longer. So, i went to the dentist. All in all it only cost me rm3. Can u believe it?! Well, she's someone that David knows la. Mebbe that's why we got it for so cheap. Haha...She didn't charge us consultation fee summore u know. Anyway, after tat i rushed from Johor back to NUS. Went and play soccer with the guys and Gloria. A good game but injured myself (as usual!). Then, came back and had a good chat with Lynn and Popo and Amirul and Aiman and then mom also called. Glad to hear from u mom!!!

Well, today i went to Bethesda Depot Walk - a new church and i want to go there la...since it only takes me 30 minutes to get there...hahaha....A fairly big church. We ( me and david) met this uncle eric...wah, he super friendly!!! He kept on introducing ppl to us. Good for me lor..hahah. At least the week after that when i go, it's not so bad lor hor?! At least, i know some ppl. Haha..
U know, i find it quite important to be there on time. To church i mean. I was late. Why? Because i was hunting high and low for my veil in my room and i couldn't find it. Could i have left it in KL? oh NO!!!! Gotta go and get another veil...i already have 2 veils back in KL....and its just sitting in my cupboard. Aiyo....Anyway, i think being there on time tells alot about the respect for God that we have. I mean, if u're going to see the KINg or even your bf or ur gf, u wouldn't want to be late rite? That's what i meant la....to be there on time. Who is God to us? Why do ppl go late to church? If we can be punctual for other occasions, then why can't we be punctual on Sundays when we come to worship HIM? Hmm....mebbe ppl ought to think about this. What does going to sunday mean for them? and what does God mean to them? Is it all a habit? or do they go really with the heart of worship?

Well, of course today also marks the day of the death of the Pope. I got the news when i was on the bus to church this morning. Haha, Yes, Singaporeans think that a bus is incomplete without a tv. Anyway, the thing that caught my attention was this : they were praying for his soul. Hmm, Why would you want to pray for someone's soul after their death? Please explain. But, from what i thought, it feels like the chinese beliefs. When someone dies, they pray for their soul to be accepted by their gods. Well, won't God decide whether someone will be acceptable or not? Do we need to pray for that person? Use the word intercede if u like but is it necessary for us who are alive to "intercede" for the dead? Why pray for the dead soul? Why are catholics praying for the dead Pope? He's done great things for the catholics....and christians if u like. So, if he really is a great leader and a true christian, then why worry about whether or not his soul goes to heaven? He surely will!!! Then, why pray for his soul? When anyone in the Bible died, the ppl didn't get togehter to pray for the dead soul but if they got together, they got together to pray for themselves...and for the loved ones of the dead one. NOT FOR THE DEAD PERSON!!!! hmm...correct me if i'm wrong yah....but, it's just weird lor..

This just brings me to think about how sometimes we relegate the position of God because we put everything else above HIM. For example, we "worship" our parents because of what they have done for us in our lives without realising that these wonderful parents that we have are given by God. So, its like we thank the gift instead of the giver. Weird rite? but anyone thought of it? Yes, the pope was probably an awesome servant of God. But, wasn't all that he has done been called by God? The pope's existance alone wouldn't be possible without God. And, of course it's a sad thing that someone has passed away. But, the pope has been serving for 26 years already and he's so sick. Don't u think he should be going to a better place where there is no tears and pain. I guess, this is the hope that we christians have isn't it?!! So, why do ppl behave like as if we don't have such hope?

Let us all live our lives worthy of the calling okie?! It's not easy but it's worth it rite?! Let's persevere on knowing full well the hope that we have IN Christ!!! and knowing all the promises HE has given us and knowing that He is a faithful God even when we are faithless and when we fail HIM!!!! God LoVes US!!!!!

:)

Just another dae?

Well well....today is an interesting day. A meaningful day i must say. And i must blog this down altho it's actuall already 3am in the morning. But, i'm changing the date of the entry because i want the date to show the exact day that it happened.

Well, like any ordinary fridays, we the navigators will have a session of rally. We (the mon BS grp) were not suppose to be incharged this time round because we're only suppose to be in-charged of celebration rallies and for this day, it's not a celebration rally. Instead, its a teaching rally. So, Noel was MC. HuiLi led worship...and i guess, it was great because Bernard was sharing about the resurrection of Jesus and how it implies to each and everyone of us. Bernard shared on a level that was a bit different and of course more in-depth. Well, he shared some very good points and that i will not share now...unless i decide to edit my post another time.

The highlight was this: Bernard actually asked us, who amongst us wants to be prayed for... and as much as i am not spiritually struggling over anything, i felt that theres this just 1 sin!! 1 part of my life that i needed to commit to GOd. Well, i've asked for forgiveness and repentence definitely but i somehow still felt that that sin still made me feel ashamed and was something that the devil will use against me in my walk with HIM and when i try to reach out to ppl. And so, i felt that it was something that i need to deal with and i want to surrender it to the LORD.
So, i stood up....then as i was praying....Lilian and Joyce came over....and i was thinking, "oh no, what am i gonna tell them?"....so, Lilian opened by asking me is there anything i want to confess and is there anything i want to repent of and tell God?....i felt the LORD's hands in it...He's telling me : Hide no longer, JeeLee. Don't run away from it anymore. Face up to it. Surrender it into My hands and i will give u the peace that you need. And, as Lilian looked at me, i was standing there, meak and small, vulnerable and scared....But i know that it is something that the LORD wants me to do....how can i serve HIM if i still have such sin as strongholds in my life and holding me back from blooming to the fullest and serving HIM...so, i took the courage to confess it to Lilian and Joyce. Bear this in mind please, i have told NO ONE of my this particular sin!!! NO ONE!!!! not my parents...not my siblings...not even my best friend or the close ones to me. So, it really took A LOT of courage to tell Lilian and Joyce about it. And as we prayed, i cried and cried and cried....i know the LORD loves me, i know it with all my heart, soul and might. And i know that the work of Jesus on the cross has cleansed me of all my sins - no matter how bad they were, the past sins, the present sins, the future sins....I know i am purified in HIM and that i am pure in HIS sight. As i was praying together with Lilian and Joyce and as i was praying by myself as well, i hear the LORD say 2 things to me : (1) The Lord has allowed me to sin and walk through that part of life in order that i may use them to reach out to ppl and bring Glory and Honour to HIS name!!! and for the extension of HIS kingdom... (2) i am pure. Without blemish because of the work that Jesus has done for me on the cross. It's a fact that it's not easy to accept...but now i know and i believe it with all my heart, soul and might!!!

the song that came to mind:
Give us clean hands,
Give us pure hearts,
Let us not lift our souls to another.

O God let us be,
A generation that seek,
That seeks YOUR face o God of Jacob.

yah...truely the LORD has given me a clean pair of hands and a pure heart.

Liren earlier on spilt some cordial onto the floor of YIH....and so, i was mopping the floor and then Noel wouldn't let me...then he was lucky coz he manage to get James to fight with me..hahah...2 fellas against 1 girl...of course they win la....aiyo...and what were we fighting for? for the stupid mop...hahaha...i insist on me mopping the floor because it's a girl's job!! Yeah, call me old-fashioned if u want....too bad yah!! and i still can't understand why they insisted on them doing it. It's not like as if mopping is such a hard work...anyway, yeah...den Joyce was there and she said this : "Aiyah, let them do it for u yah. Sometimes, u gotta let ppl show u love as well." wow...of course it was because she prayed for me and therefore she knows i have a problem with allowing ppl to love me...haha...but i never really saw it as that....

I'm not saying that now i no need to do anything liao...or just sit back and relax and make men my subordinates...hahaha....of course not!!!! I dare not!!! But, a personal lesson for me to allow others to show love and not be too driven about task...and task..and task...

Thank You LORD for loving me and for assuring me of my identity in YOU....and for giving me clean and pure heart...and for ur work on the cross for me!!!

title-less

My tooth ache is killing me man!!! My wisdom tooth that is. Ppl ask me whether i have all 4 anot and i said NO. But, now i think i have my two lower one which is out and aching like mad. ANd my two upper one is growing as well! What a time to have a tooth ache. U see, i'll be having my practical examinations soon and with an aching tooth, how to come up with a good play? aih...gotta pray hard that the tooth will be extracted without problem. And that recovery process will be good as well...if not, i will NEVER get started with studying and all that...

Right now, i'm a bit not so happy and jolly. Well, my tooth ache is one. But another issue is that, one of my church member has been diagnosed with leukemia. NOw now....this person is a very close family friend and i don't know what and how to feel and react. He's a very bubbly and loud person...brings constant happiness to ppl around him and now even when he's sick, he still tries to put on a good and happy front for ppl. hmm, deep down i know he worries as to what will happen to him and his family. Being a father of 3 not-very-grown-up kids, i'm sure he wonders what will happen to his children without him around and will his wife be able to cope with him gone. Well, i'm taking the worse option available la. Of course, if God permits it, a miracle might happen and he might be able to live long. I donno.

I'm sadden to hear such news. I donno how to react. I know it's not like as if it's my father but it's just sad. And i know his daughter is like me - keeping all emotions and problems in a bottle and bother not to talk to people. And i worry for her. I dont know who she can talk to and i donno whether she will open up or not. And i really wish that i'm back in KL and see each one of them and give them a big big hug!!! they need it and i pray that people back in Life Chapel will be sensitive and see the need to give them the necessary support - compassion brothers and sisters!!!! But i have to learn and accept that God loves them and will provide the best for them. The best not in our human understanding but in HIS soverign and mighty understanding.

Just to illustrate the goodness of God and men's unfaithfulness, i quote Isaiah 53.

v3- He is despised and rejected by men, a Man of Sorrows and acquainted with gried. And we hid, as it were our faces from HIm;He was despised and we did not esteem HIM.

v5- But HE was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon HIM.

v6- ALL we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, everyone to his own way; and the LORD has laid on HIm the iniquity of us all.

How can we not thank HIM from the bottom of our heart for being faithful even while we were faithless. For loving when we were so unloving. For sacrificing when we were so undeserving. Can we not thank HIM? It's impossible not to thank HIM. Yet, many still struggle to thank HIM and give HIM all that is due to HIM.

Sorry Lord for not being faithful and for doing things that hurt YOU over and over again!

Thank YOU LORD for everything!!!! I LOVE U!!!!!