Irritated

I know i shouldn't blog when I'm angry. But, can i blog when I'm irritated? I donno.

This whole dnd thingy is driving me up the wall. This week is gonna be crazy for me. Monday whole day i'm at meetings. Tuesday was suppose to bring the Fudan ppl out but looks like i won't be able to join them because of this dnd. On wed, there's a campus prayer. On Thursday, full dress rehersal. On Friday, packing stuff for dnd. On sat, A CLASH!!!! DND actual day and also FOP! Now, where do i go?

I must be there for the dnd. But, for the FOP i can miss. It's not for my benefit that i go for FOP. I mean, i really dont mind missing it. Since it's delirious and Hillsongs. I mean, i can alwiz get their cd or something. But, its a matter of bringing contacts there. Mebbe i gotta bring my contacts there on friday or sunday lor....sienz man!!! I get a bit bengang when things clashes and don't go the way it was planned.

Lord, please calm me down and help me not be so irritated with the planning committee....I'm like so bengang edi with what has been said and what has been done. Lord, help me to love even when it's so easy to be JUST angry! Lord, help me to be forgiving please. Lord, help me to be responsible. Lord, help me be a good ambassador for u please!!

INHALEE........

EXHALEEE......

Ok!

Let's talk about what made me happy this morning!

I was happy i was able to go to church and worship the Lord togehter. I was reading ACTS when i was preparing for worship and my heart gladden to know that I and the rest of the church ppl were doing wat the apostles of Jesus were doing. And it is really a privilege to be gathering together and remembering the Lord and just praying....Thank you Lord! I was just glad and happy by the mere fact that we can gather togehter to worship Him!! :D Thank you Lord for this privilege!!

I was happy to meet up with David. It's been some time already rite?! And i bought socks!!! Oh man!! How can i NOT be happy??!!! I was soooo happy. Coz it was TOE socks!!! Colourful ones summore....And i like to buy socks frm socksworld Malaysia but they dont have socksworld in Singapore. But, i was so happy to buy 3 socks for SGD10. I mean, the same socks would cost RM16 each pair. But i got 3 for S$10. Oh man!!! Thank u Lord!!!!

I was also vy happy when i got to buy a set of bingo for S$5.75. Wahseh....It's not for gambling of course!! It's for fun...Mebbe we can use for our nav nites....some activities....since got so many cards...hahahahah

and oh...when i was on the mrt, Julia smsed me and said that her house got dead moth. Yay!!! I know i sound like such a sick person. But, moths can be very beautiful (altho they look ugly to most people) and i can alwiz use that moth to make bookmarks or something!!! A butterfly would be ultimate!! But, a moth is just as good!!! Yay!!!

So many happy things yet at the end of day, i get a call and all the mess frm dnd is upon me!!
Nvm!! I'll pray and ask God to grant me peace and calmness.....and love.....

Esp when i need to lead sharing time tmr during exco meeting. Oh man!!!!

Not by might, not by strength but by YOUR spirit LORD!!!!

I Will Sing

Through my weakness, my failures, my fallenness, i Will sing!!! Sing to the Lord for The Lord's love is so great, it compels me to do ALL that I can for Him....

I will sing
I will praise
Even in my darkest hour
Through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing
I wil praise
Lift my hands to honor You
Because Your word is true
I will sing

Thank You Lord......

:D

Bukan Cinta Biasa.

Suddenly this song is in me mind.....

Begitu banyak cerita
Ada suka ada duka
Cinta yang inginku tulis
Bukanlah cinta biasa

Dua keyakinan beza
Masalah pun tak sama
Ku tak ingin dia ragu
Mengapa mereka selalu bertanya

( korus )
Cintaku bukan diatas kertas
Cintaku getaran yang sama
Tak perlu dipaksa
Tak perlu dicari
Kerna kuyakin ada jawabnya oh...
Andai ku bisa merubah semua
Hingga tiada orang terluka
Tapi tak mungkin
Ku tak berdaya
Hanya yakin menunggu jawapnya

Janji terikat setia
Masa merubah segala
Mungkin dia kan berlalu
Ku tak mahu mereka tertawa

Diriku hanya insan biasa
Miliki naluri yang sama
Tak ingin berpaling
Tak ingin berganti
Jiwa ku sering saja berkata

Andai ku mampu ulang semula
Ku pasti tiada yang curiga
Kasih kan hadir tiada terduga
Hanya yakin menunggu jawapan

Dia sudah pulang. Saya ingatkan tiada apa-apa. Tetapi saya tidak pasti sekarang. Ingin berjumpa dia lagi. Namun, soalan yang tidak hilang adalah "Bolehkah saya percayai perasaan saya sekarang?" Jawapannya adalah " Masa akan menentukan".

;p

It's Over.

Matric week is over. I do not know how exactly i am feeling. I didn't do much today actually. I was dead tired from last nite because we had a household gathering and den i met up with JieYao until bout midnight and den came online to send some things to edgar and recorded contacts i made during the day doing street evangelism and by the time i shut down my comp, it was already 1:30am. I bathed and went to bed. This morning i couldn't wake up, i woke up only at 8am. It wouldn't be so bad if Karina was awake and ready to go to school. But, nope. She was asleep. What woke us up was my phone! SMS!!! Hahaha.... So, she rushed to uni while i lazed at home. I told myself that i'll only go to school later in the afternoon since my shift starts only at 2:30pm. So, i went down and chatted with Gloria and PeiYun for awhile and den i went back up to sleep. (Pig rite?! Haha...still can't beat u la Jon!)

Woke up bout 10:30am and den bathed and did my QT. Enjoyed my QT today. Really thank God for the extra rest. :D and den headed to school bout 12:30pm. Reached our Nus Nav base (for matric) and Julia asked me to go up to the booth to replace Emily and QingXiang, since they both have to leave. So, i said alright. So, i went up and Edgar was there. I felt really intimidated by the guys that walked pass ( Engineering fac) and Edgar was talking to girls!! Actually, the girls also look scary. I have no idea why. I was so happy when Felicia called and said that she's coming up (with Teck Yong) But, aiseh....Teck Yong is sick leh! But, thanks for coming even tho u're sick!! :D So, i was there for a while and den i left for evangelism with HuiLi. And i saw Sarah and talked while drinking free milo from the milo van. YAY!!!! Haha....it is when i get so excited over small, petty things like this that makes me feel like i'm a child sometimes. Hehe...

Anyway, it's pretty weird because MPSH seem so empty altho there should be so many engineering students. Man, i have no idea why it's so empty. And so....I went up to the booth again since they were kinda short-handed. hehe.....stayed there for a while....and den, time to clear up. Went down for the debrief. And we closed in prayer. Wow! That was it! The end of matric week!! Hard to believe that it's all over already.

Of course, this means, start of busy-ness as well.....meeting up with contacts and things to do lor. No easy task. Follow-up is never easy. But i thank God for giving me this love for those that i have made contact with. Nevertheless, i will continue to pray for God to help me be faithful and to continuously show love! :D

I'm still tired. Although i quite slack today. Went out with the Fudan people. It was interesting. Haha.....got cute guy summore. Aiseh, but he's taken! Haha....ANYWAY, that's beside the point. Oh, the interesting thing was that i came to school in the Fudan Uni shirt, not remembering that i would go out for dinner with them. AND, i saw Jeremy in it, JieYao in it and even Beverly too...That was pretty interesting. ;p

Neway, lotsa things in mind rite now. My talk with JieYao last nite is still in my mind. I just chatted with Gloria. Woohoo...I'm rather confused - not knowing how i am feeling exactly. I am neither happy nor sad. Not dreading but not completely looking forward to it with Joy. Hmm....I'm weird!

In my lonely moments, i feel so weak...so inferior...so vulnerable...so scared...so incapable...so dispensible...so useless....so hopeless...
And yet, i know i'm not alone. I know something great will turn out.

As much as i can ask so many "WHY" questions, yet i know that God has a reason for all this to happen and i know and am convicted that He has something great install for me. It's just not revealed yet. So, on one hand, i'm eager to see what HE has install for me and yet on the other hand, i wish i can see the installation of things without needing to go through all this things. Again, i repeat that i'm WEIRD. AND on another hand, i know that God has HIS purpose and timing for everything.

BLEAH......

My heart's fragile and breakable....things have been great lately but yet at times, i can sit and cry... I am NOT saying that God hasn't been good. It is because God has been so good and i see my frailty and my weakness that i start crying. I cry because i feel so weak and useless and also thankful that God saved me by HIS grace!!

Can You Be A Leader? - A chapter given by Julia for us to read. Honestly, i'm dreading to read it. In my small little (or close to non-existant) brain, i think : I DEFINITELY can't. Yet, how dare i say that!!

Again, BLEAH...

But, it's alright. :)
I'm ok.

:D

Oh btw, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MY DARLING YIN NGAI AND PIN PIN!! :D

Love ya both loads.....

*tired*

It's been a few days since i last blogged and the past few days has been quite tiring. So many things going on at the same time and yeah, been quite stamina stretching lor. It's matric week and for those who are not nus fellas, it's a week whereby the freshmen comes into NUS and get their student card and do their medical checkup and submit forms to NUS and get their computer id, buy their computers (if they want. Since NUS offers comp with 20% off the retail price), get to see the other clubs/societies in NUS and den probably sign up for a few societies. The students only come in one day but for us seniors and those who're mending the booths, we have to be there the whole week lor. PLUS, the NUS Navigators are also doing evangelism and not just leaving all the outreach to the booth people. So, we have 3 things going on at one time - we have the booth people, and we have a group of people praying and also we have groups of people going out to evangelise. It has been tiring but exciting nevertheless. It's been tiring because i've been on duty for the whole day from 9:30 - 5pm for 2 days already and yeah, it's tiring. Gotta walk a lot plus gotta find courage to talk to people and do stuff la....tiring leh!!! heheheh and tmr i'm also on duty frm 9:30 - 5pm. And i'm on duty to evangelise the whole day tmr!!! WAHSEH...tired!!

But, it has been pretty challenging and exciting. Yesterday, was quite fun meeting christians and presenting the gospel to some as well. It was new and exciting and as i was partnering Peh Fern, it was nice to learn from her many things as well. And as i was at the booth, Yeah, i did feel a bit discouraged at times when i saw that many people were "attracted" to the Buddhist Society. As i was sitting/standing there, i keep telling myself that i must be happy to be able to do this for the LORD and that i MUST give my LORD my 100% and i'm not doing this for myself. Yeah, so, everytime i feel tired and just discourage a bit, i tell myself : NO, stand up and go full force!!!! Gotta push myself a bit.

So, anyway...today was quite cool...i think the LORD really granted me strength coz i was already dead tired even in the morning. Couldn't get up and the whole day i was busy. Oh....So, i prayed real hard that the LORD may grant me strength and cheerfulness. You know la. When i'm tired, i'll just stone and make my BLEAH face. Hahah..So, yeah. I thank the LORD because HE sustained me and even at the end of the day, i was still, smiling and saying my "HIE!!!" And well, we didnt start on a very happy note. Hahah...got rejected but funny, i wasn't discourage. Instead, i told HuiYue, nvm.....sure got others wan. Hehehe!!! And we prayed of course for the LORD to encourage our heart and not let us be discouraged and wow!! the LORD was great. The next person we met was very open to us and she said "yeah, i'll contact you!" YAY!!! I was pretty happy :D!!! Then the day went on and yeah, i was encouraged and there were a lot of very cheerful people that lifted my cheerfulness even at 4pm and it's been a long day!!! And people who were open to hear the Lord's message of Love too!!! Cool eh?!!

It's been pretty amazing how the Lord works. I think as we serve Him, He grants us great joy as well. As He use us to minister to His people, He directly minister to us as well!! What a privilege it has been to worship Him and to serve Him in this manner. Our Lord hears us and answers us. He knows our needs, even if we dont ask for it and He "feeds" our needs....

So sorry friends if i have not been keeping in touch. Been pretty busy. All high for the Lord edi!!!

:D

Take care all.....

Chat...chat...chat

today was suppose to be busy. I think it was....i am now quite tired. Bleah! I had a 2 hour chat with the nav staff this morning and den i had to rush to the dnd dance practise ( NOTE: I am NOT dancing!) and well, was suppose to rush off to somewhere else after the practise for another meeting but there was so many things that didn't turn out alrite during the practise and so i decided that it won't be very nice to leave the dance practise. So, i stayed on. At 3pm, i left AS7 and started to head back home thinking in mind, "YAY!! Can sleep." Ahh...tired and having headache, i need to sleep. Plus, i haven't had lunch so i thought i can go back and cook maggi. So, as i was walking back home, i received an sms from Beverly and so i was happily reading my sms while walking home and didn't notice the people who were at the bus stop until someone called out
"JeeeeeLeeee" and then i looked up and saw Eunice....and so we chatted...and den, saw mark....and den saw adrian. When i saw adrian and when he saw me, there was 2 moment of staring at each other - as if in disbelief that we're finally seeing each other after 6 months plus of not seeing each other. Wow!!! It was awesome meeting him again and catching up a bit at the bus stop. Yeah, am very happy to see u again!!!

Anyway, so....i came back with the intention of sleeping but decided to call Beverly and talk to her. She mentioned she was a bit stressed. So, i thought mite as well talk to her lar....So, talked to her about....stuff lar!!! Hehe...it's between us! Anyway, so, i didn't get my most desired sleep. And it was close to 5pm already and i was suppose to meet Edgar. And...oh, while waiting and praying that he will reply my sms, i kinda fell asleep...hahah, had probably bout 10 minutes of sleep? hahah.....nap actually!

So, he finally sms me and because i was already tired and having my headache, i asked if its ok for him to come over to fong seng. And yes, he came to fong seng and we chatted and chatted and chatted.....5 hours of talk. I donno why but wah....like so long lidat. Not like i've never talked to anyone for 5 hours. Haha...mebbe coz i was tired too....and information overload a bit le... hehe.... ;p

But, it was good time spent. Definitely not a waste of time. And, i appreciate what u've mentioned altho most people won't like being told their weakness. I appreciate ur frankness and being honest. Most of you would know how much important i think honesty is in any relationship. And so, yes, those are my weakness and u've pointed out a few things that i didn't even realise was a weakness/sin. Stuff la....So, obviously there were information overload lor. And well, for opening my eyes to see certain things lor....I mite read too much into many things most of the time, but well....there are many things that i'm blinded to as well....and there are times when i need ppl to gimme a slap on the face! so, yes...thank u!!

But, of course...during the conversation....i felt so overwhelmed with my weakness....No one has ever probably slap me with so many of my weakness before (well, of the exception of God and my father lar)...Haha....donno whether u notice there were a few times i was on the verge of crying edi. But, hehehe..... I appreciate those honesty. It's good that i hear what someone on the outside says about me and the weakness i have. Time for action ah!!!! ACTION!!!!

and ahh...for all the things we talked about la, thanks!!! No need for me to mention here what we've mentioned here. U know, i know then good enuff edi.

It is when i'm weak, that God is strong!!! and it is when u've been forgiven much that u love much....Yeah, i remember those things while u were talking!! And it's so easy to fall into self-pity and think, aiyoh...I've been such a horrible child of God. But, nope!! I won't!!! I will take up courage and face my own weakness and do what needs to be done!! O Lord, u know i can't do this by myself. NO WAY i can do anything without u!! So, i will need all help that i can get....Lord, please help me! I need you!!!

And oh.... I'll need lotsa prayer....So, please do pray for me??!!!! Keep me in prayers.....those interested to pray, e-mail me. Too personal to tell here eh. Hahaha.....

Busy??

Matric training has been great....Doing QT together again is fantastic!

For the past 2 days, i've been learning alot about the conditions of my heart, love FOR the LORD and also prayer. I think, many a times we think about the love that our Lord has for us but yet, we behave as if this relationship that we have with the Lord is one that is one sided. We need not love Him back. Why is it that we shy away when we want to say that we love the Lord. Why?

Yeah, this have been in my mind for the past few days....love for the Lord and out of this Love for the Lord comes our obedience to His word and well, not just knowing His word but abiding in it and meditating on it day and night. And to not just love him but to love HIM so much that i'll remember the things that he has said. You know, when you love someone very much, you'll always remember what that person has said....even smses are kept. So, yeah, the deep deep love for Jesus, my Lord!!!

Ahh..........

And today as i was doing my QT, i forsee that i would not be too cheerful during the day. Something about how i felt last nite before going to bed. And so...i was still a bit moody today...
but as i doing my QT this morning and i ask myself (or rather ask the Lord), what commandments do u specifically want me to obey today. And my mind was brought to Mark 6:50 that says "Be of good cheer! It is I ; do not be afraid." I thank God for giving me that verse. It was really needed. The extra "power" to remind myself to be of good cheer to people.

Yes, i was afraid.....of 2 things in particular. (1) Of my new commitment this academic year. Relationships that needs to be nurtured. (2) BGR. Yucks!!!

Want to talk to people but no one is free at the moment. I kinda feel a bit lost. Like, where do i go from here? I am suppose to know somethings but nope, i don't know anything. Not that i dowan to make the move but...bleah....can't explain here la...

and bgr.....yucks...I donno what to say about it!!!! YUCKS is probably the best way to describe it!!! hehehe.......Sorry la. I'm not in the mood rite now...not the season....Nope!! Not now.... Dangerous to say out loud here that i'm not in the mood now rite? Incase i mite be chasing away some potentials...but i dont think so la....anyway, NO!!!!! heehehehh

Anyway......am feeling a bit funny now. I donno. I'm not down but not totally happy oso... just, funny! hahah..... but i'm alrite....I just hope to be able to talk to someone or rather the two person that i really want to talk to tmr. Just to "release"....squat!!

Best Day ever!

Well, it might not be the best day ever but A VERY VERY VERY great thing happened today! And i will tell u!!! I can't hide it. It's killing me.

Ok...first of all, It has been a very tiring day...at least the first half of the day...I came back yesterday and went straight for "matric training" and the whole day, i was there...plus, spiritual and emotional stuffs really is quite tiring. So, i was pretty tired...But, since Tek needs help to shift his house, i tot ok la...should go and help. Since Tek has been a tremendously good and nice brother to me, it's the least i can do. And well, yeah...he was very considerate....saying, go home la, ur leg lidat!! But, nope...I'm gonna help and that's gonna be that!!! So, ended up going back only at 1am. Yes, LOONG day but i'm sorry tek, for leaving earlier...and not helping u till the end. Was having a bad headache oso. I think, the lack of sleep lor...SQUAT!

Anyway, yes....today was dead tiring! Waking up at 7 plus am is REALLY almost impossible. Oh by the way, i slept wit ang mo. Ok, yes, it's not such a big deal since i do have a close friend who's an ang mo. Hahah....name's Karina and she's American. Here for mission.....cool eh? If tonite i cannot sleep, i'll just look at her. It's a privilege to have a leng lui in ur bed....Oh man, i just realise how that sentense makes me sound like a ham sap poh...hahaha....

So...today, Lee Tat shared about evangelism...and yes, i was falling asleep....SORRY. But, i was awake most of the time...i took notes!!! Important things that we gotta know yeah??!! Hehehe....One thing that really amazes me about Lee Tat is his love and passion for the lost souls....REALLY!!! Lee Tat's taking over Bernard's position as head staff of the NUS Navigators, basically the CEO. Hahaha.....So, after teaching us, he demo-ed how to use the bridge illustration to evangelise....and gave us an hour to go and do practical...meaning, do street evangelism (which was REALLY scary esp when i am more than half asleep)....I partnered Beverly. Yay!! Partnering her is like having an armor. She makes me feel safe. haha....But yes! It was like the first time i did street-e when i'm in Singapore.

So.....we prayed as we walk...asking the Lord to prepare our hearts as we both were a bit scared and jittery....So, yucks la...and i personally was not really up to it. I felt like asking Beverly to do all the talking and all i will do is just pray for her. I even had a lazy pray in mind...just pray and talk and donnit to listen wan...But...as she was praying, i felt i should really take this opportunity to evangelise...so, as we prayed, i prayed for myself...for me soul....so that i will be up for it....Prepare my heart, O Lord.

So...we walked to the canteen...and continue to pray....den, i saw this girl....thought of her but i told myself not to say anything until Bev says something. So, i shut up. hehe...continue praying and den suddenly bev ask me, wat about that girl? I shrugged and said, "hmm...let's pray and ask God." So, yes...that was what we did...we prayed and ask God to show us the person whom He wants us to speak to and who He wants us to bring to Christ!! And we pray for God to give us a confirmation, we prayed that if it is her, let us have a calm spirit. And 5 seconds later, Bev turn to me and ask "wanna go?" and i felt that same calm spirit as she did, I look at her and smiled and said "YES"...so, we walked over to where the girl was seating...and we saw HuiLi and Julia considering her. And me and bev went "ooohhh....they are considering her. hmm..." At that time, we felt...sad?? Coz we felt that God showed her to us and so for God to show her to them oso, quite sad lor....U mean, God dowan to use us? hehe....But, HuiLi and Julia left...so, YAY!!! ( After talking to HuiLi at dinner, she told me that they thought she was malay. So, that's why they didn't approach her).

So, we went to her...she looked at us like we're some weird strangers....(come to think of it, yeah...we are strangers and we are a bit weird la...to approach strangers) So, justified! It's alrite. But, so...talk to her....asked her whether she was interested to know about Christianity and she gave us the normal standard answer "No time". But, because Beverly and me are super thick skin, we sat down and started to talk nonsense...it was so much of a nonsense that i can't even remembered what we spoke about...but believe me, it was nonsense!!! Things that u won't imagine ppl saying when doing evangelism. Den, Bev looked at me and wanted to hint for me to start, i gave her the i-dowan-because-i'm-scared-and-please-u-do-it look. And well, as nice as beverly is, yes, she started the ball rolling but guess what?? she deviated SO much that she went on and on asking the girl about body decomposing. I mean, HELLO??? I couldn't see the connection except that beverly wanted to get the girl to think about death and where she would be after death. And since the girl was from Life Science fac, she would be interested to talk about it?! Haha....and so, since that didn't REALLY work, my dear beverly decided to talk about War of the Worlds and about aliens breaking into half( NOTE: with sound effect summore) and den, some stuffs about bacteria...oh man, i was in a total lost!!! Haha.... Ok...so, i prayed...Lord, please bring Beverly back to the topic and help her with her words....5 seconds later, she realise she has gone REAL far and came back....

so....we talked about Christ....used the Bridge method....even used newton's 3rd law which says " every action will cause equal opposite reaction"....squat rite??!! Haha...anyway, yes....even used such profound stuff in evangelism...quite cool rite? But, as Beverly was doing the talking, i prayed.....ask God to show us what is it that this girl need, what aspect of her life that needs God...what to "attack"...What about God do we have to offer?...and just asking God to give us the right word and taking away any hinderences....So, as i was praying i felt that she's very lonely and after all that beverly has shared, what i felt needs to be spoken to her was that our God is a God of Love!!! So, i open my mouth...(yeah, i stop being the passive one) and i told her about Christ, what He did....Death, burial and resurrection. And after she understood about that, we spoke more about love....what God has to offer....the awesomeness of having this relationship with the Lord...the fact that God loves us...His grace!!! His love!!! His mercy!!! And i think, it showed in our faces the awesomeness of the relationship that we have with the Lord!! And of course it wasn't easy because she had questions for us...and believe me, not easy questions. Questions like, "it's not that i dowan to receive Christ but if i do, i don't think i can stop sinning." so....tough things to explain rite? So, what else to do?? PRAY lor!!! And u know what....word just came out...word that even suprise me...answers to the question that suprised even myself. And as i share, i hear beverly agreeing with me all the way....(and, at dinner, she said she didn't know how to answer that question and was just asking God how to say the right things but just at that time, i said it!) Good eh?!! and well, i really really thank God for the words that He put into me mouth.....and wow!!!!

At the end, we asked her again, Do you want Jesus to build this bridge for u? Where on this bridge do you think you're at? She finally said, I think the bridge is fully built. We said "Oh, how do u know?" She said, "well, after hearing you two talk, i think it is fully built....and wow....so, i told bev to pray with her....pray sinners prayer....pray and accept Christ....pray to bless her...pray to make sure the devil doesn't take her away.....

At the end of it, i felt so..."WOW"....In the beginning, i was feeling lousy. As we were sharing, i just thought of being the passive one....i was lazy...i didn't want to try. And i even told myself, evangelism is JUST NOT MY GIFT. I cannot do it wan lar....I can do other things...but not evangelism....And here, the LORD is encouraging me with this!!! And as i speak to her about God is love, i myself felt ministered to....felt that God loves me too....felt assured again and again....

And yeah, Not only is this the first time i'm leading someone to accept Christ and to pray the sinners pray, throughout the whole process, i feel so blest!!! I feel so touched!! felt so loved...felt so cared for...the way God spoke to us to speak to the girl proved to me that God cares SO SO MUCH for the lost ones...i felt the anxieties that The LORD probably had...make sure we dont make mistake...make sure we "GET" her....i felt how much He loves her....and i felt how much He loves me.....How He is using this to encourage me!!! How He knows i long to bring someone to Christ and allows that to happen!!!! Oh man!!!! Thank You Lord!!!!!! Thank You for this HUGE privilege!!!!!! Thank You for knowing my needs and meeting every single one of them!!!!!

I love you Lord too......

:D

-update-

Hah! It’s been a few days since I last blogged. I’m back in Singapore already. I reached on Monday morning. VIP like me must have ppl fetch me wan….of course, Beverly and Jeremy had the honour of doing that. Hehe….But, no. Seriously, it was really nice of them to come and pick me up. I don’t think my ankle can take the weight of me bag!! Hehe….Anyway, yeah…so, went to Bern’s house….it looked so new!! Everything was in place and so neat…..A LOT of difference. Hehehe…..So, we started our one week of Matric Training that day itself. It was a very meaningful day. I was ministered to. We didn’t really have “TRAINING” but instead we had a time of searching our hearts and of seeking and worshipping God and of course ETWG (Extended Time With God). I’ve always look forward to sessions like that – knowing that I will not leave the place empty handed but knowing very well that God will speak to me. At times I’ll end up crying at times not. My ETWG was great! I didn’t cry but God really spoke to me.

I didn’t even know that I was struggling with the issue that God decided to confront me with. I know I haven’t been feeling on top of the world for the past few days or mebbe even weeks… Before I left, a friend probably “revealed” one of the reasons why I’m kinda down – insecurity. And so, I thought that “ok lor…mebbe I really am insecure and that’s the reason why I’m down.” So, I left it as that….

Then, when I was having ETWG and just talking to God and seeking Him and asking Him to search my heart as well, something was revealed to me concerning the reason of down-ness. The (probably) main problem was because I felt that I was letting God down. Of all people that I could disappoint, I choose to disappoint God. JeeLee isn’t very smart!! So, yeah….I felt that the past one month, I have put many many many things above my God – the One whom I call my best friend, the ONE whom I call my first love, the ONE whom I call my master, the ONE whom I call my Lord. I was reading 2 Tim 2: 20- 3:5 and in there the verse that struck me most was v20 and v21 “Now in a large house there are not only gold and silver vessels, but also vessels of wood and of earthenware, and some to honor and some to dishonor. Therefore, if a man cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.” And by reading these verses, I want to be a vessel useful for Him. I dowan to be a decoration item! And from my past one month holiday, I have definitely not been putting HIM first in my life – how on earth is that honoring HIM? I skip QT, I didn’t honour my parents as much as I would want to, the things that I did was probably not the things that God was superbly pleased with. What my dad said was right “JeeLee, just because you’re on holiday doesn’t mean that your walk with God is on holiday…” Oh man!!! I’m So So Sorry Lord!!! And as I read on (during my ETWG), 2 Tim 3: 2-5 “...For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God; holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; and avoid such men as these.” I felt that I fit MORE than ONE of the description above. And oh man, people are advised to avoid people like me. Oh No!! I REALLY REALLY have been a disgrace and a dishonor to HIM. SQUAT!!!!

Not a very good note rite? But, u know what…..Yes, I cried because I felt like shit but yet at the same moment, I felt grateful to God. Grateful because in the moment of “you squat!” , I felt that God was telling me that He will use me and it’s not too late. At least, I realize it. Of course, I said me sorries…..and the 2 songs that came to mind was “Approved in everyway” (Sorry, can’t remember what number in SOP 786?) and “when it’s all been said and done” (SOP 815)

I want to be your servant Lord,
To serve you each and every day
I want to give my best to you,
Approved in everyway.

Make my life a living sacrifice,
The way You want it to be,
To serve you with all my heart
Whatever the cost to me
Take me, break me, Mould me lord
As the potter shapes the clay
Pleasing you in all I do
Approved in everyway.

I’ll stand before your righteous throne
To hear “thou good and faithful one”
“Well done” from the Master’s lips,
Approved in everyway

“When it’s all been said and done” (SOP 815)

When it’s all been said and done,
There is just one thing that matters,
Did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for You?

And yes, to the questions in “When it’s all been said and done” is probably a big fat NO. But, I’ve cried over it. And no point crying over spilt milk. I’ve gotta rededicate my life back to Him. Say my sorry and tell God and myself that I’ve gotta get up and do my best to life for truth because this life I’m living is for HIM!!! To those who read, lemme encourage you – go check out that song, SOP 815 “When it’s all been said and done” because that song tells you what in the end really matters!!!!

And because this post is so long…..and it’s only been a report on ONE day. Haha……
And believe me, today is more memorable!!!!! So, haha….another post!!!!!

Thanks....

Last nite was my last nite with the secondary school bunch of friends....the popular gang? Haha
As usual, i was the ONLY girl. I wish more were there but it's alrite. And....haha...the last time we hang out before i head back to Singapore this sunday nite. *sob sob* It was nice hanging out again. And yeah, i got all nostalgic after that.

It's a gang of a few guys and me. I know it sounds weird to be part of a gang where i'm the oni girl...but i guess, it's partly because i can tok wit them like no other girls can?? Haha...in the words of me friend, self praise is the ONLY praise! Haha....anyway, yeah.....been classmates wit them for many years...me buddy is there.....me ex is also there. But, last nite was just a few of us....And i wonder when is it that we can ALL gather again. Me ex is now in aussie....another friend is also there....me buddy in UK (but now back for hols) and me in NUS. ahh....When can we all gather? Those years back then was awesome... Don't blame me for reminiscing. They were all talking about it when we were mamaking....

Me and Kin Aik have gone through a lot....Friends often ask me, "why you never ever liked him wan?" and they continue on going bout his good qualities. I have no idea why i've never ever fallen for him and i mean it, no idea at all....we're friends and that's it. Oh well, mebbe more than friends but definitely not a bgr thing!! DEFINITE!!!! Just buddies la.....He's been there for me when i need someone...he knows what to say and knows when to shut up and shut ppl up too. He'll never read this but he really gotta stop "protecting" me. I'm fine with all those teasing and stuff la.....Don't need to tell them to shut up. I couldn't be bothered bout what ppl say rite?? Haha......But yeah, friends....and i appreciate what we have - to the max! But, that's where we end - as friends!!! And i'm glad i have friends like this. Friends who care but we both never and will NOT ever have feelings for each other. Isn't that just great?? We can care for each other without worrying whether he likes me or whether i like him anot..... :)

I went to school today - ALONE!! Hmmpphh.....Kin Aik was busy.

Had a good time chatting with me beloved teachers.....
But, i'm sad and worried....Pn. Ooi looks so tired and actually, more than tired. She look...hmm... Sad? I donno....but i hope she's alrite....It's tough being a teacher and she gotta care for so many fellas and there's so much politics involve in school.....with her own family also. I feel for her....She's in her 40s...Yet, ever so beautiful!! but her kids are only in their primary school...wahseh, long way to go!! Now people, u see why i wanna get married early?!!!

hehehe........

anyway, yeah....worried for her...hope all is alrite with her....Will have to pray for her. :)

After that, me and sis went to Midvalley....Long time never spend sister n sister time edi...it was good....hehehe.....wanted to watch War of the Worlds ( yun fan la chris n shelby) but, tak jadi because line too long edi...But, luckily we didnt watch because a friend called last minute and ask where i was...i said "i'm in midvalley la" and she said..."really??? so am i." so, she came looking for me and we had a drink.....at least, i see her a last time b4 i go off....

About going back, yeah...a bit the sad lor.....But, i know it'll be alrite....I'll be fine...there's lotsa stuff to do oso mer......plus, been lotsa funny things happening. Seeish....Run away?? No. Not run away....Just, GO!! hahaha....sometimes, absence itself will settle the problem rite?? haha....But, no worries la....

I feel....

I feel so left-out.
I feel that everything is my fault.
I feel that the problem is always me.
I feel treated so unfairly.
I feel so unappreciated.
I feel so stupid.
I feel like crying.


--------------------the end of how i feel------------------------

I was just reading David's blog....Congrats!!! Top student!!!! How many friends do i have who is a top student in their FACULTY in a POLYtechic????? Well, u're the only one.

But, you know what....as i read ur blog and i told my parents and see their expression on their faces, i feel so sad.....I mean, don't get me wrong David, my parents are happy for u. But i feel like i've been such a disappointment to me parents. I'm no top scorer. Everyone knows that.... I don't even aspire to be one. I just want to do my best and do well. But, i feel that i don't make my parents proud. I'm such a disappointment rite???

bleah...it sux la....

*title?*

Why is it that Blogspots need titles for their post? Aduh....i'm not so artsy-fartsy and therefore i don't really like coming up wit funny blog titles....

Anywayz, i was suppose to go back to me secondary school to visit and see me teachers. Yeah, that's how good a student i am. Well, we gotta appreciate our teachers rite? Den again, not all of us have had good teachers - teachers who sacrifice time and was superbly nice to you and just allow you to enjoy your schooling years. That's how fun my teachers were. I especially want to see 2 teachers - (1) My beloved Pn. Ooi and (2) Pn. Lena Gan....

Pn. Ooi was my f4 Maths and Add-Maths teacher who became our Form Teacher when we were in f5. She was super nice. Although she gave us a lot of homework but she was extremely nice in that she alwayz encourage people like me - lazy-bums and no hope in maths- ppl to continue to strive to do well....she never gave up on me...but most of all, she cared for me! Always ask bout me life - love life, family and friends....blah blah blah....NEVER fail to show care and concern!! And in f5, NO teacher wanted to be the form teacher of our class. Best class in f5 yet no teacher can handle us. What??!! Anyway, although Pn. Ooi was super busy with other responsibility, she took the initiative and went and speak to our then headmaster to see whether she can be our form class! Goodness....How much she loves us!! And i know in particular, she loves me and my buddy, Kin Aik. I donno why but yeah!!

Pn. Lena was my Moral teacher in f5 and Econs teacher in 2 years of f6. Caring and trusting me always....i thank her for her love.....mebbe a bit more sam pat but she often ask bout me life too...

these two teachers made me really love my secondary school years.....made me really love me school.....

Anyway, i was suppose to go with me buddy, Kin Aik to school. So, i got up at 9am....aiseh.....6 hours of sleep! bathed and den an sms! Kin Aik says he gotta work and so can't go liao. Seeish!! So, nvm la....went back to sleep...had funny dreams....arrange to go to school tmr afternoon.

So, i change a bit stuff on me blog....notice it anot?? hahahah......something to do wit the template...go look and check it out....

I've got a mail frm a friend.....commenting on me blog yesterday. Thanks mate!!
Last nite i spoke to a friend too.....talking bout friends.....

Ahh......and i made this comment, friends.....we just gotta accept them as they are rite? With their strength and weakness. That's what make them them!!

I guess, the reason why i'm kinda bewildered is probably because i don't understand why she decides to reveal to me only part of herself, considering esp the amount of years we have been friends. Of course i understand that she doesn't want me to ask questions - i respect that and i don't la. But, kinda sad....is it a matter of trust? or a matter of me judging her? Whatever the reason, it just goes to show that the probs with me (?) Hah! But, don't worry...i'm not like beating myself up over it. I just don't quite understand and wanna blurt it out here.

I guess, it'll take some time to get used to it - to the fact that many people put on masks and they decide what kind of image they want you to have of them. I don't really like it when that happens but i just gotta learn to accept it. Not everyone is open and transparent. Not everyone likes to think....It'll take some time but no worries....i can do it!!! But, i love her. So, it's no problem la.....:)

And, nope - i've got no problems with God. I know He loves me and He'll do whatever is needed to be done to make things alrite again. We both play our parts...He will do what's necessary and I'll play my part too. So, :)
As for His plans for me, don't you think it's something exciting and something that i should look forward to? Right now, i go on with the things that He has plan for me, the things that He wants me to do....and as time passes by, things will become clearer and probably sooner or later, i'll see what HIS plans are.... :)

And like i've said before, He is Mr. Perfect. He knows best. I don't know!! Haha.....So, anything master!!! I'll do.....

:)

Hearts

The whole of yesterday was blogging day! Hah! It was pretty weird because i was still feeling crappy over the whole "bye bye" thing. And we all blogged about it. All of us who keeps a blog lar. Too bad Daniel and Liyee don't keep a blog. If not, we'll all get to see the whole trip in all different ways. Amazing isn't it? We all went through the same thing but all see things in different light and all blog about it in different perspective. Well, MunOnn will understand what i mean. :) Chris' was more on general. Shelby's had a lot of hidden meanings. Jon's was more based on the things that he held close to his heart - r/ship and friends. Mine was just plain reporting. Haha...I'm a boring blogger.

Many things has been on me mind and heart lately. Some troubling ones and some pleasant ones. It only goes to show what I hold precious to my heart.

On our last nite in Penang, I had a chance to talk to Topher, Liyee and Daniel. And i was just mentioning to Topher that someone once spoke to me and said that we have already made our best friends by the time we reach uni age. B4 i left for Singapore, i was hoping that i'd make friends that will last forever since we so often hear of heart-throbing stories of long-lasting friends made from uni days....so, i tot, mebbe i'd find one too. However, after quite some time, i was feeling a bit down that i not found friends that were the long-lasting friends type. So, i mentioned to someone that i was feeling a bit down. Not only there are no such friends but friends here are kinda superficial too....and so me friend mention that to me...that if i'm looking for best friends, for long-lasting friends, i've already found them... And that was what i told Topher and Liyee....We've made our best friends by the time we reach uni!...And i know i have and i know who they are...:)

U know, with all the fun things that we've done in the past one month that i've been back home, it's gonna be difficult when i'm back in Singapore. There'll be so many things that I'll miss....And when people ask me about the future, i really wish i can be back here after my studies are over and of course after i've completed my bond. I'm not saying that my Singaporean friends mean nothing to me. They do. I love them. I don't want to lie and dowan to take it for granted that they already know. So, here i mention. Lilian, Gloria, Beverly, Jeremy, Sarah, Noel, Edgar, Miffy, HuiLi....u guys are the people i really thank God for. Whether or not i tell you guys, u should know that u guys are special!!! :)
Anywayz, as much as Singapore and Malaysia is very similar in many ways, we are also very different in many areas. I can't explain how but it's different and i definitely prefer what i get from Malaysia. And of course i really wish i can come back here. Singapore's special for their own thing and Malaysia is special for their own thing. I've just been brought up in Malaysia all my life, how can i then not love my own country - the place i call home?!

Yet, while i'm wishing that to happen, I wonder what God's plan for me is. He was the one who sent me to Singapore. I don't even know what are His plans like. I see how by sending me He has drawn me much closer to Him - to rely on Him, to trust Him completely, to serve Him, to find HIM my rod and staff, to find comfort in Him....And looking at the things that He has put me through, i know He is slowly but surely training me. He's pushing me limits - getting me ready. Ready for what, i don't know. What i am capable of doing, i also donno. The way i see myself is that i don't think i can do much for Him. I'm a nobody. I'm probably one who brings much shame to Him, someone who do not bring glory to His name. Bleah. But, at the same time i also know that God don't need someone who is perfect....Looking at the Bible, i know that God chooses ordinary people, sinful people like me to do His work. So, on one hand, i'm looking forward to see God use me! To see see what He wants me to do. I'm excited and want to see it all happen. I want to serve Him to the max! To be part of His great big plan. I know this paragraph alone is confusing. Now u see where i am. Can somebody tell me what's my problem? Is there a problem?? I love Him and want to serve Him. And i enjoy it - what i have with the Lord is precious. It's something that i won't want to give up for anything else that the world can offer. But, i'm a hypocrite!!! I hate myself man!!! I hate it when i say that i love Him but yet at the same time, i do nothing about strengthening my relationship with HIM. JeeLee's an idiot!!!!!

Apart from that, I thank God for all that He has blessed me with. The many gifts that i have. I dowan to brag but these are the things i give acknowledgement to the Lord for. The gifts that He's given me. Nothing that i deserve and sometimes not even a good steward of what He's given me. But, i thank Him no matter what for all that He has given me. For example, the way people feel comfortable when they are with me, the way i so often make people laugh, the people person that i am, the so-called leadership quality that some see in me, the way people feel comfortable to share things with me, blah blah blah..everything la....

Not only all these gifts.....

People in my life......Family who is ever so sweet and supporting...family members who are open and expressive. Mom and dad who cares and forever supporting me! Siblings who understands and supports me in everything and siblings who respects me! Friends - who understands, always supporting, friends who lends a listening ear, friends who encourages, friends who pray for me, friends whom i've known for long, friends whom i've been close to in matters of a few weeks/months, friends whom i've known exist for a long time but became closer after a while...Ah,U guys know how much i appreciate friends and you all lar.....

I'm taking super long to blog this.....my feelings a bit all over here and there.....
Are u confused now??? Seeish......

SQUAT!!!

*bye*

I'm still lame. It was much better. I hate to be seen limping all around. So, i'll always try my very best to not limp. So, i can walk normally but probably it's not too good an idea to do what i do. Coz it hurts still and bleah...i can't walk very fast yet. It still hurt....But, it's alrite. It will come to pass.

I've not been around to blog much. And to tell you the truth, i'm not feeling totally good today. Shit man! I hate it when i need to say goodbye.

I left for Penang on friday afternoon. After all the planning with Mun Onn and Jon, finally we went. Except that Mun Onn didn't go. So, it was me and Jon. Had lunch with MunOnn and Jon in Subang and den we went off to Pudu. Rushed to the bus station coz we were running late. Sorry, my fault.

It was a freaking long journey. Let me put it this way : it was one of the longest 4 hour in our lives. Darn!! Probably because the both of us REALLY wanted to be there to see them. So, being stuck in a bus for 4 hours was quite sucky. But, i enjoyed the ride la. Didn't get much sleep. For once, sms and phone calls came in saying bye to me...blah blah blah...why i don't get tis when i leave for singapore but i get this when i leave for Penang? Weird. I wasn't very sleepy so it was alrite that i didn't get enuff sleep...Had a good time chatting wit Jon.

So...we reached Penang bout 8 plus close to 9pm...The two thick skin fellas that we are. We thought that Daniel, Shelby, LiYee and Topher will suprise us at the bus station. To our disappointment, they were not there at the bus station. So, we walked out and asked a man for directions to USM. He said " jalan terus aje. Tak jauh. Tak sampai 1 km dah sampai." So, Jon asked "wanna walk?" I thought, since it's only less than 1 km, i think i can make it la. Shouldn't be that bad lar...So, we started walking and while doing so we kept a look out for them - looking into every single car to check and see whether is it them. To no avail. Finally, a call from Shelby asking us where we are and we said we're on an unknown road heading to usm...after a bit of confusion with the road signage and direction ( Jln. Pinang?) they finally came to where we were. Picked us up. It was so nice. I felt soooo happy to see Topher, Shelby and Liyee... It was so nice!!! We hugged and said Hie....and how can i forget, Daniel was nice to us!! Thanks man for picking us up!! :)

So, off we went for makan....Daniel took us here and there...makan and makan...we walked through something that made me feel i was in a pasar malam. Only then i realised that we're going to a beach. I didn't bring beach clothes. No shorts and no slippers. So, gotta buy slippers. Of course with my bargaining abilities, i got a pair of slippers for quite cheap. ;p

We had our makan....took a ride....went round Batu feringgi. Quite fun....went to a park...Re-lived our childhood. Me and Shelby had our eyes on the swings. We ran for it!! (yeah, me and my ankle!!- stupid i know!) The rest joined us. We had a competition to see who can go higher. Wah, it was fun but with my sprained ankle, it was quite painful la....Anyway, after that....we drove around...got some drinks...and went back to our motel. But to our despair, it was locked. Oh No!! Now how?? so we called, but luckily the uncle came over to open to gate for us...and so we went back up to tidur...6 of us on 2 double beds...can la!! So, i changed into my pj. And we all went to bed. Topher balanced on the end of the bed and slept soundly not too long after we hit the bed. I was next to him, feeling really uncomfortable cos can't move and had some thoughts in me head...and i have no idea why but i was wide awake. I know my eyes were tired and so i tried to sleep but can't!! LiYee was next to me, she too slept. Den shelby and den Jon and den Daniel...all tried to sleep. But can't. Only Topher was REALLY asleep and Liyee was asleep too. I gave up trying to sleep so i took Jon's sleeping bag and went onto the floor. Sat down for a while until there was a tap on me shoulder. I look back with blur eyes and saw Jon's face - 'woi, what u doing? sleep la. Why u on the floor? blah blah blah"....and tat was when i saw Shelby, Daniel and Liyee got up. Aiyo....i waited till them to sleep b4 i "sneaked" out of bed but in the end, all oso got up because I couldn't sleep. Honestly guys, i felt really really bad. Sorry man!! They tried to get me to go back onto the bed to sleep but i wasn't try to jual mahal. I just can't sleep. So, what's the point of me sleeping on the bed rite? heheh.....

I was on the floor and the rest tried to go back to sleep.....i kinda had a "nightmare" but not gonna mention it here. And den, tried to sleep...only falling asleep for short intervals...So, basically, i didn't get to sleep the whole nite through....Sat up and den Jon sat up. And den we chatted. Haha....at 7 plus in the morning! Haha....craziness...Daniel too didn't sleep.....so, we got up....bathed....and den, woke the rest up...had a drink....went to usm...and the whole day we did funny things....eg: Singing in USM, msn-ing while we were next to each other. Blah blah blah.....

Dan took us for Chow Kuey Teow...Good stuff man!! Had ice kacang with ICE-CREAM!! woohoo. Cool!!! and den wat else? I can't really remember but i think we headed back to our room to change coz we wanna go to the beach. So, was at the beach...had fun... took pics...den went back to change and den we went for dinner.

Yeah, at the beach, i was pretty moody. I had some troubling / disturbing thoughts and was allowing myselve to indulge it in. Wasn't the best thing i did. But, no..it wasn't anyone's fault. But, sorry for spoiling the trip...sorry for causing quietness. I was bengang that it seem like as if it's my responsibility to keep the craziness of the group going. Why must it be me? Just because i'm quiet, everyone else is. I am the one to blame for the quietness of the group. hello??? I even cried out and said, "Lord, i dowan this kinda gift." But, realise almost immediately that i shouldn't have said what i said. Sorry Lord!! No worries, I'm fine. And it's a precious gift. Not many ppl has this gift. I thank God for giving it to me!! :)

Thank you Yin Ngai, Joshua, WEngYan and Yueen San for talking to me when i wanted to talk to someone.

Went for makan. My first time in a car in a ferry. Well, it's prolly not my first time but i can't recall how it felt. So, it was quite fun!

Woohoo...look at the cars in the ferry...Cool eh? hahah 

Hehe....went for makan...thanks for bringing us around for makan ya Daniel. I really really really appreciate it!! At makan, i told myself to snap out of this moodiness....and let this be...So, i was back to hehe-haha-keke.... :) And we not only had makan at 1 place!! it was a few places!! hehehe

went back to our motel and slept....important that we had a good rest coz next day was church.

so..we went on with our activities....first we went to butterworth Gospel Hall...nice church, nice people! Den had brunch. siew yoke with carrot cake...splendid!!! went to Daniel's house and bathed and slept....den played monopoly and den Daniel's mom bought pisang goreng and fried cempedak. Awesome...Ur parents are so hospitable la Daniel!! They were awesome to us. throughout our trip, they paid for all our meal....WOW!!!

After tea, we went shopping...for the usm fellas to make sure they got all their stuff they need. Den, went for makan....Wah!! crazy nice food man...

Our last, fun, delicious, crazy dinner

....Den, headed to bus terminal...spent some last moments together...

Then came the sad part...Gotta go already. Had our hugs and byes....Man, i'm gonna miss u guys so much!!! It was a great 3 days.... It was the company and not too much on the things we did. All the squats and the NEW fumanchu....... It was an awesome weekend! I love u guys soooo much yeah!!!!!

At the end of it, i wanna say

1) to LiYee, Shelby and Topher : All the best there. God is with u. Seek Him!! Enjoy!! Love ya guys much....God has blessed you guys with each other, Appreciate it and give thanks alwayz!! Take care yah.

2) to Jon : thanks for company and really appreciate all that u've done! Sorry for making u feel that it was u. Sorry for spoiling the mood the other day. Sorry for making u feel paiseh.

3) to Dan : Man, thanks a million for all the ferrying around and makan...and the hospitality! Can't thank you enuff...

God bless ya all man....

Fumanchu.............

Journeys...

Yesterday i was out with my cousin....Went to 1U to watch The Final Cut at GSC. Wanted to watch Initial D (esp after someONE recommended it! :)) but because my cousin wanted to watch at GSC, they were not showing Initial D there. So, ok lor....watch Final Cut. The movie was ok la. But we kinda had the whole cinema for us only. But here comes the sucky part. Someone was seating on our seat - oh wait, not someone. Infact, there were 2 fellas on 1 seat. How disgusting can that be. And yeah, you could prolly guess - it's a couple! Darn!!!Just so irritating....So, my cousin suggested that we sit behind them. I didn't want to coz aiyah...whatever they do later we can see everything. Kacau oni. But den, if sit in front of them, later too near the screen edi. I was a bit pissed - wanted to go over and tell them to behave or Move it!! It's our place! But, ahh....i just kept quiet. Dowan to offend ppl.

But i MUST mention this....

When me and my cousin reached 1U, the funniest thing happened.

After getting off the escalator, we turn to take a curve to go towards the escalator. So, we were facing MANY ppl. Basically, people were walking towards our direction too...probably coz they wanna get to the escalators too? So, yeah...picture this...Many people walking towards us. And me and my cousin were happily walking. Then, all of a sudden...out of the blue....i started to feel a bit dizzy....and then, my ankle gave way....BADAMMBUMMM. I am lying on the floor rubbing my ankle. My cousin was still in suprise. What happen lar? Are u ok?? I was on the floor and feeling the need to feed my ego, i went "yeah yeah, i'm fine." Padahal, Sakit until i behtahan edi... I try to stand up. My cousin wasn't too sure of my move. "You can walk anot?" Can can...No Problem...So, i stood up....took two steps and i was sure that i CAN'T walk anymore!! Luckily there's this bench where i fell. So, took a seat. Sat down for 5 minutes rubbing the pain away while my wonderful cousin roll in laughter beside me!! Hmmpphh....Not funny at all... Here i am in tremendous pain and my cousin is nicely laughing her head off.

The pain was bad....it was horrible....I have a very bad right ankle...All those years of running, Netball, captain ball, copa iba....Alwiz sprain in.....So, it is a very bad ankle...but i didnt even strain my ankle yesterday...i was just walking nicely.....donno what happened...Can't explain the dizziness too....I've never fell and not been able to walk after that. It was painful....The minute i think i can walk, i told my cousin...ok, lets get out of sight ASAP. haha....

So, i limped all the way.....went to buy movie tickets la...had lunch....do stuff la...

But was darn pain man....

(Edit : Another amazing thing happened yesterday. Well, I can't get off Burger King. So, me and my cousin went to Burger King for lunch and guess what? They ran out of beef!!! So, takde beef burgers....NO whoopers.....No Cheese Mushroom...Ahh...sad...But, U've never heard of things like this before rite? Burger King in 1U ran out of beef yesterday.....:O)

Pity my cousin oso. I think she wanted to jalan jalan more but since she saw me limping like that edi, she decide to leave early....But, haha....I told her...Can wan....So, we didnt leave right after the movie la..we jalan jalan a bit....walk here and there.....woooh! All the while...pain pain...But, nvm la. It's not ALWIZ that i'm back in KL and not alwiz dat i get time to spend with my cousin - just the two of us!! As we were walking....we went to speedy and my cousin picked up this dvd and exclaim " Ahh...Sepet!! I haven't watch yet :( " And i told her...ah, i saw CHicken King when i was in Ipoh!! Yeah, i did...we all did!!! Why we didn't take a pic ar?? Aiseh...wasted!!!Chicken King...Sepet...yun fan...hahahah

So, after walking for some time, we decided to head to giant to get snacks....Oh! b4 we left 1U, i took a picture of the place of "accident"...hahah

The misfortune!!! :(

....den, went back to her place....watched tv while had our snacks / dinner. Waited for her sister aka my older cousin to come back. She's pregnant....Yay...i got another nephew coming... yay!!! Can play...hahah
So...she came back...chatted a bit....Den, felt a bit tired edi...So, left. But, a friend msged earlier in the afternoon - things were not too good.So, i thought - since i'm in PJ i might as well drop by and see whether she needs to talk anot...So, i went over to her place...chatted...talked la...Well, she alwiz drop by my place to talk too...so, i tot...a tiny favor in return!!! But, its alwiz good to have friends around who are willing to pinjam u their ears rite? Thanks Ngai!!!

Den, in much agony now....i drove home....

Reached home...daddy sounded me out of concern. Say la..i never take care of myself la...in pain summore go out la...blah blah blah....But, nvm...he rubbed for me...wah!! SAKIT.....

Later, going out for lunch with YueenSan and WengYan. But, Wengyan's driving!! Hehehe....I want to...coz if not...donno when oni can have lunch tog - we crazy bunch of ppl...hahah...Den again, San's a bit decent...we're just a little less than her...hahahah

Ahh....

I like my new template!!!

Haha....

If i can come oout with my own, it'd be better....It'd be colourful...Red, Bright blue, Yellow, Orange, white, black, green, and it'd have a butterfly somewhere. haha....it'll look funny. Prolly a good reason that i'm not computer savvy. if i know how to make a blog template, haha....my blog will look weird??

PPL has been msging me on msn asking me why am i up so early. Haha...Yeah, i was up at 8am. Craziness rite? Told myself to get up early. Start the day right with the LORD....do some stuff oso. Glad i did!! But alas, i want to read my book but forgot to bring it out. So, it's still at home. Nvm...

Anyway, got a sms frm my cousin. So, going out now edi....ciaoz.....

BTW, it IS my last week here in KL before i head back to Spore...so, people...MAMAK...YAM CHA....hehehe..... =)

=)

Sunday we decided to have breakfast in church. We haven't had breakfast in church for a very very long time already. It's good la. We get to say our HIEs to the aunties and uncles in our church. At least they see our faces....and don't say that i even though i came back from Singapore for so long edi, i never go and say hie to them - the older folks. So, yeah....i was having breakfast in church - AAHHH. Fishballs...Some of you know the craze i have for fishballs, meatballs, sotongballs, whatever balls la....heheheh. In particular, fishballs la!!

The rest of the young ppl donno suddenly go where. So, left a few of us. And since Yueen San had her discipleship meeting, WengYan, Joshua and i went to chill in Josh's house...so, we talked and talked and talked....den San came over and we went to BK for lunch. Wanted to go shopping but figured that we'd take ages to find parking and so decided not to go shopping. Mebbe go on saturday not so bad?? hmm...donno.

Took like a zillion pictures!! Ahh.....that cause me to think...ah, wish the rest of the gang was here. Missing Shelby and Liyee....Breakfast was weird already - without Samuel and Topher. Yeah, i miss them and i knew that it'll hit me on sunday.


Fwensss....

Den again, life's like that la...it's part and parcel of life. We come and go. I'll be gone in a week. And i'll be leaving loved ones behind too. We can't stop that from happening rite? We have a hope - i donno whether its good anot. but we'll be seeing each other for eternity in heaven!! Haha....

We come and we go. One thing i was worried of is that will we maintain the friendship? I've learnt not to worry about it anymore. If we've made the commitment to keep the friendship and the relationship going, it'll be fine. We know we love each other. We know who we are in each other's heart and lives. We care for each other. It is well with my soul.

We can't worry too much. Let God do His planning and let HIm execute it all. I'll follow. I'll go where He leads. It's not easy at times. There have been times when i feel like asking God to do the things that I want. But, I'm not God. I don't know best. He does. He's Mr.Perfect. I am not! I've been thinking bout me God and I. Things haven't been at the best but the awesome thing is that God never give up. He will not give up on me and i know that. When i need HIM, He's there. When i need to speak to someone and yet i know that i can't speak to ANYONE about it, He'll come to me and say "I am here! Speak to me." And what is there for me to complain? NONE. Ziltch!! He's there for me always....When i'm down and i'm crying over things (for example, over my previous post), He'll speak to me - either directly or indirectly. :)

God's hands in everything!! We just let God take control and we just follow....I know i make it sound as if we will never have our say but i too acknowledge that God gives us our hearts desire! So...enjoy this life that we have.....God gave it to us that we mite have it abundantly - the lives that we have!!

:)

*lost*

Just came back from Ipoh today. How come i didn't mention in my earlier post bout going to Ipoh? Cause it was a last minute thing??!!

When i was asked on thursday nite, i was indecisive. I know that most of the time i'm like that but gimme a benefit of doubt can anot. I wanted to go...but to go with HIS bunch of friends. I wasn't too sure! Honestly la, i've heard not too good things bout his friends...and so, i wasn't very sure. Furthermore, the initial plan was to go with some other fellas but ahh got cancelled lor. So, bleah...decide...Go or not go....In the end, i WENT! I can't really recall what's the reason of me going. I think it wanted a long drive somewhere and mebbe i was even looking for fun. I told myself, aiyah...what other ppl say bout his friends shouldn't keep me from judging it for myself wert. So, ok lor...i went.

And i must say this....i'm pleasantly suprise!! His friends were quite nice to me. Ahh. I know i'm a very loud person...extrovert la...blah blah blah. But, believe it or not, it takes a while for me to warm up wan...Anyway, his friends and sister are very interesting people. I think they really did took the effort to make me feel as comfortable as i can lor! And for that, i really thank ALL you guys very very very much!!! Haha...being older than you guys, i hope u guys didn't feel like i was the big mama....haha. But, there definitely was some sort of respect shown la...And i really appreciate that. And boy....they're nice people la. Lesson learnt : Don't judge peopple by what you hear!!

We left late for Ipoh...but it's alrite....we had fun!! Plus, the driver needed the sleep!! It was essential!! But alas, when we're ready to leave....something happened. Something that i'm not proud of. Something that left me disturbed...It was my mistake. I won't TRY to justify what i have done! It'll be easy to put the blame on someone else. But, nope. It's my fault. I won't say anything but to say that i am sincerely and truly very VERY sorry!! I look back at what i have done and i feel like slapping myself. Shit man!!! I know u're prolly not angry but BAH!! still it was my mistake. There's many things that i should have not done or should do but not gonna mention them here. I know i should leave it as it is...i know i should just forget it. And i even prayed after what happened that God will forgive me that you will forgive me. That God will restore our friendship that God will comfort you that God will do something to help both of us or rather the three of us. And it doesnt help knowing how you were feeling on that day especially after the call you made. Bleah. I say again, i'm Sorry!!

And you know what....here i am sitting in front of me comp crying...thinking what an a** i have been! I know i should leave it be and let go...But, i can't!! Prolly coz i know how it feels like to move to another chapter in life. And it sux....and while you're feeling lidat, here i come and make things worse!! And it not only concerns the two of us...it's three of us. Bleah....Sorry. Not to just you but to you too (you know la which you is you)...And you know what, reason why i can't let go is because i love you! CORNY i know. But, i do. All the effort of MANY MANY years developing the relationship - telling myself NEVER give up! We all know that developing a relationship is never easy - and with all honesty, there have been times when i feel like giving up. But, i know the relationship is worth the effort and everything. And after all that, it all come crushing down by ONE stupid mistake i made!! No words can properly describe how i feel...Bleah is an understatement.

Well, one of the reason why i didn't speak much on the way back from Ipoh. Not that i got nothing to say. Haha...Not that i want to bore you to death...but, haha!! u know la now!! Sorry yah....

but...when you dropped me off, you said : "Hope you had fun". I did! And thanks for calling me along. REALLY. I had fun!! A LOT for breakfast but still it was fun!! And not to mention, fantastic food too....And mind you, for JeeLee to say that the food was fantastic means it REALLY is good. I am not picky bout food but i am very critical bout food. Haha!! Thanks again!!!

PS: i owe you money??