two cents worth?

A lot of things running through my mind these few days. I don't want an extremely lengthy post but I like blogging for archive sake.

I feel that life is interesting because it is peppered with interesting, unexpected things that happens.

This semester, God brought me a friend whom I think is very interesting. When we first had a meal together, I found out we share one same hobby!!! I went for an event he organised last night and I was the camerawoman. So, today my friend sent out a picture that i took and he mentioned this: *I didn't take this shot myself. I found someone who is like-minded! And I smiled because I think it's so nice to know someone thinks the same way as you. It's so nice to meet someone whom you know share certain hobbies or ideas with you. Don't you feel so?! It's like meeting a long lost twin. hehe. Maybe it'll be interesting to think about the friends you have and the special thing that you both share. Don't that make your friendship even more special? :)

xxx

For lunch today, I cooked. It's always good to hang out with friends from the same kampung - especially after so long! But, today I relive my childhood. Some of you know the friendship I have with David - a platonic friendship that started since we were kids. We've grown up and God in HIS goodness, brought us both to Singapore - a company we really appreciate! But today, we did something that we as kids used to do very often. I don't know if he remembers it or not. But, he used to come to my house after church and then we'll sit at the piano - playing and singing. Today we did the same thing. And I think that was special. :)

xxx

Shelby wrote on our church songbook that she so thoughtfully gave to me: May you be able to use it in times when there's silence that needs filling with song. There have been aplenty time where there's silence that needs filling with songs. And although I'm no sweet sounding songbird, I love to sing. Music fills a certain emptiness within. Music has a special place in my heart. And there are a lot of times, music (like poetry) echoes the things in our hearts much more competently that just mere words.

And in the past two days, there's a desire to sing which is much greater than any ordinary days.

And when times like this come, I miss shelby much more!!! :)

xxx

Weng Yan celebrated her 23rd birthday 5 days ago. Jee Leng, my sister, celebrated her 18th birthday 4 days ago. Jon celebrated his 24th birthday yesterday. With all the birthdays taking place, I'm just brought to realise how time really flies once you hit 20! One better make sure time is spent wisely, life is spent interesting and beneficially before it is all over.

xxx

I thank God for everything!!! :)

Pleasant surprises!

During last night's rally, I looked at Roy and I kept thinking to myself, "If he was my age, i'd marry him." There's really something attractive about Roy and I can't really pin point what it is - until last night! When I went to bed and I was talking to Jiaying, my roommate!, I was trying to tell her what exactly I like about Roy - the one thing that makes him so special and unique, the one thing that really stands out, I manage to put it into words. Two things: humility and meakness. The two very thing that attracted me. I always tell people that I like noisy guys coz they make me less noisy or rather, they make me seem less noisy. haha. But, I realise I have a very soft spot for quiet guys. Not that noisy guys are terrible or that quiet guys are very nice. It's just unique. But the thing about Roy, apart from his humility and meakness, is also his sincerity. I have never met another man (other than my dad) who spoke to me with such sincerity, so interested in my life, so humble because he didn't come to me as if he's the teacher wanting to impart some great knowledge to me - even though he's in the Singapore Nav leadership, and the way he talks about his wife - oh my goodness! never have i heard anyone spoken like that about his wife. I mean, yeah, they all say nice things about their wives, but Roy is different!

And then today, i thought to myself: I have no time to have lunch coz i should go to as5 and prepare for the presentation. But, as I got out of the tutorial, Gary said "Do you want to hear me sing a song I composed?" Yes, I do. And so we just ended up walking towards YIH for lunch. He taught us the song and interestingly, the first line of the song has both the words that describe Roy: Humble & Meak! Oh gosh.

Of course, then, there's always that extra bonus of meeting the good-looking guy who is oh-so-hot. And today, fate brought us together. I saw him 3 times today!!! All unexpected! Woah. God, can this be the one?! Okay, i'm being funny here. He's got this arrogance air in him, even though I don't think he is. Well, I can't expect everyone to be like me. I'm just a weird species.

Let me tell you wat happened.

Ade and I were walking up the stairs, after class, when we bumped into him. So, I gave ade the "that's him!!!" look and well, she apologised for almost bumping into him. He on the other hand, gave no reaction whatsoever. it's like as if he didnt see her, he didnt notice us, he didnt hear the sorry. Well, fine if he really didn't hear the sorry. but, hey, i'm sure he can offer a smile at least rite? NOPE! nothing at all.

So, i made a comment: He's so dao (arrogant) la! And then, i went on to explain why. Apparently, ade don't think so. Not everyone smiles at everyone else. i'm just weird. Maybe that's why i've been given a new nickname: windscreen wiper - for waving at ppl when i see them! Sigh.

Still, a plesant surprise nonetheless - seeing oh-so-hot good looking guys! haha

What a turn of events. Yesterday was probably my bluest of all days! It was like as if the whole world had its back on me. People said the wrong thing. People did the wrong thing. Bad things happened. I cried.

God is good still!!!! very good!

A few inspired things...

Blogging is such a funny domain. It's public and all we bloggers know that. So, we (knowingly or not) choose what to reveal in our blogs. So there's that sense of restriction. Yet at the same time, we blog to communicate our feelings, issues that bother us -almost like journaling in a diary, except that this is no secret! Don't bloggers find it an almost conflicting reasons to blog? It's really weird you know. Some people treat blogs like diaries. Some others make sure that their blogs do not reveal too much of themselves that they choose very carefully what to write about and how to write it. How much of the real person do we get from reading blogs?

Why all this critique of blogs suddenly? That's because I've just finished writing 2985 words on Malaysian female undergraduate blogs. It is the language and internet project that I was talking (or rather, complaining) about yesterday. Looking back at my previous post, i guess, I've finally reached 2985 words, and so my worry of not being able to reach 2.5k words was invalid. My word limit is 3k. I still have yet to write an Abstract. 3000-2985=15. I can't possible write 15 words for an Abstract. That can probably pass for a relatively short sentence. I have a very prolix writing style. One sentence for me can be as long as 55 words. I can break that down to 3 sentences. Why do I write in such an irritating way? I don't understand too. That is why there is a desperate need for editting! Everytime I write a sentence and i notice it is long, i must make sure I cut it down into 2-3 seperate sentences. Sigh.

This post is seemingly unmotivated.

I almost couldn't get up for church this morning. After switching off the alarm, I crawled back to my bed to get my 5 minutes delay. Of course, the 5 minutes became 20 minutes. Well, technically, I kept telling myself to get up but let's just say the flesh is weak. Whatever it is, I wasn't late for church today! So, yay! Church hall was quite full today coz the many missionaries around for the Emmaus Conference for the next 3 days! Saw Peter Ferry. The last time I saw Peter Ferry was many many years ago. He was Life Chapel's assembly camp speaker! And that camp marked my first appearance in the big congregation to share a testimony (or something like that). I almost wanted to get Peter Ferry to imitate the bird sounds that he could do!! You guys remember it don't you? But, I realised now that people ask me if i'm working already, which tells me that i don't look young enough to go up to an old man to ask him to do tricks with his hands for my amusement. So, I refrained myself of course. Hahah!!!

Sermon today was good. I really enjoyed worship in church today too. It never fail to amuse me how the church has a grand piano in the front of the hall but morning worship is done without any musical accompaniment. And so we rely on uncles in the church to remember tunes to hymns and then there'll be rare occasions like today where we'll start correctly and half way through the first verse, we'd realise that we got the tune wrong. so, try again. Most of the time, on our second try, we'd get it right. Today, we got it right only on our 5th or 6th attempt! It was quite funny. AND, we had guests with us. haha. I wonder if they see the piano and wonder as I do. But you know, when I first attended this church, I couldn't take it la. The least Life Chapel had was piano accompaniment. Most other brethren churches have a full band! It really took some adjusting to. It even came to a point where I couldn't enjoy worship and I started to think, if the worship in church is so dead, I have to start looking for other church edi. It is not too late since I still have my letter of commendation with me! Haha. Yeah, talk about the fear of commitment man! After 2.5 years, I still have the letter of commendation and have never given it out. Anyway, I came to realise that the issue was with me and not with music or not. Sure, music play a huge huge part in my life. But, I guess, worship was more than music and inasmuch as I still do not understand why there is such an arrangement in the church, I respect it and i'm now more or less used to it edi... And it's such a blessing you know. I'm not judging but I'm just saying what I see. I see a super friendly, caring and loving group of people in the church. Super sacrificial. And in the small group of people I know, I see very godly men and women - heart all to serve our mighty God, to live lives that gives glory to God - as He is deserving! I'm not saying they are all like angels ar! But, I'm just saying that I'm very encouraged by the hearts of some people - especially the church leaders. They really are something! Very humble men...really!

And all this talk about them reminds me of uncle Eric Kirton. I'm sad to hear the passing away of (as Jon acknowledges him as) the last true Brethren missionary. Uncle Eric Kirton has truly inspired many by the way he lived his life - giving all glory to God, in strict obedience towards God, giving God only the best, a broken and humble man. A man whom i'm very sure God was pleased with. The memorial service was held at Life Chapel. This is what, the third time I hear Life Chapel opening up her place for memorial services?! And I heard that Life Chapel was packed full today. My parents were standing at the carpark la! Basement also full. Imagine the amount of lives uncle Eric Kirton has impacted and encouraged. My prayer is that people continue on with the legacy that uncle Eric Kirton left us with. That we will truly seek to honour God with our whole being.

I guess, no better time to listen to Big Daddy Weave's "Audience of One" than now. Check this

Reckless abandonment?

Suddenly, people have been asking me “Are you joining us for the Philippines trip ar?” When have I said that I’m pulling back? To be honest, I have been a little scared – for the stupidest reasons. I’m afraid of the fact that there will be no proper toilet facilities. This is one fact you have to remember, I am very particular about this. If I can, I will keep my faeces in till I reach home. I definitely can’t hold it in for 3 weeks!!! And oh, I’m told I can only use a minimal amount of water for bathing. Now, that would be quite difficult. And yeah, this mission trip, we have to do stuffs like preaching…YIKES! I am a Brethren. All descendents of Eve keep total silence in church, whenever there are Adams around. So, preach? Add to it, preach to church leaders….WOAH. Sweep me off my feet man! Cannot la… I’m still struggling. I will so need to talk to some people about this. But anyway, yes, back to my a little reluctance to go to Philippines. And then, I say “God, dowan to go can?” And then, the other side of me reminds me that I have always been wanting to go for mission trips. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DREAM OF BEING A MISSIONARY??? Become missionary of course have to learn to dig own shit hole la! haha. But, honestly, the more I think about it, the more I want to go to Philippines. I still very much want to be a missionary. Yeah, all the scary stuff do get to me but if I do be a missionary it’s not like the most “prestigious” occupation eh. And I know I’m not doing this out of my own selfish ambitions. Freely I have received, freely I give….that’s the only concept. I have received much from God. How to not give back? So, am I excited over going to Philippines? Yes, very much!!!

Half way through meeting today, my mind went back to a comment Joshua made a few months ago “You want to be missionary? Very hard to find husband wan you know!” He knows my soft spot. Yeah! Very hard to find husband. HOW? And then it’s like as if all those thoughts find it’s way into my mind – You sure you want to die alone? You sure you want to live your life alone? No one beside you? No CHILDREN? – wah, these thoughts suddenly seem so scary. I try to be strong and say “Yes, Can! It’s okay if I don’t have all these things, as long as I have God!” Who am I trying to kid? I mean, yeah, I’d give my life to God and yes that means if in HIS sovereign will He wants me to die alone, live my life alone, no husband, no children, I will gladly obey! But, if you ask me what does my heart wants, I’ll be honest, get married to a missionary, have children, and live our lives in abandonment for God.

Listening to Simon & Garfunkel now and it’s making me even more sad. But ah, love them! And I remember how we’d play them on Saturdays and sing to them while doing house chores! It’s always so good.

One down

I've just completed an assignment that is due later today. This is the first time I've started on an essay so near the deadline and manage to complete it satisfactorily. Thank God really! God is good....

I've a take-home quiz, which is more like a mini assignment due on Friday. After which I have 4 more assignments due in the next 4 weeks, which will really keep me on my toes. But, as God has proven again and again, He is faithful and my confidence is in Him and not in myself. So, technically, there's nothing to be afraid or worried about. But then, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak - sometimes. Still, no excuses! haha.

Pray for God to help me be faithful in the things that God has given me... :)

I must have eternity in mind....and den work towards the things that lasts.

love is all around...

Valentine's Day is all hyped-up. But you never realise how crazy people are over V-Day until you step foot into Singapore. It took Radika to help me realise this. Never in KL have I ever seen people going crazy the way these Singaporeans do. Yea, it is all commercialised but in NUS, it's too commercialised. All along the walkway, there is no way you will not remember that it is valentine's day.

V-Day has never been special for me, not because I've never celebrated it before, but I never understood why the craziness. Imagine buying any gifts that cost at least double the price? Gosh, I rather he pick a flower than buy them. Haha. Better still, no flowers!! Just something special will do.

For rally today, I think it was special because if V-day is all about love, it was a good idea to be reminded of all the different kinds of love - not just boy-girl.

Celebrate love!! But remember there are so many different types of love…so many!

Oh the other hand, I'm one purist too - maybe a bit reductionist now - but, I also think V-day is special for couples!! So, let couples do their thing. For us not attached, we have a Lover (notice the caps L) too to celebrate it with.

V-day is special but so are other days. It is just how much you make out of each day, ain't it?

And oh, I met Gary again today - there's something very unique about him and I can't say what exactly. Hmm….

OverwhelmED....

The lyrics of this song speak volumes now to me:

In the quiet of my soul
In the stillness I hear Your voice call
And I am overwhelmed
And I am lost for words
To describe You

Jesus, You're more than a friend
Jesus, You're more than my heart could ever express
Your love and Your grace never fail me
Your merciful touch always heals me
You bring joy to my soul
Joy to my soul

My heart longs to worship You, my King
And I long to bring You a pleasing offering
And I am overwhelmed
And I am lost for words
To describe You

I guess, there are just so many times when I am overwhelmed by the fact that Jesus knows our every need and He keeps us so close to His heart. There are just so many times when I feel as if the things that I'm going through are like the sharpest of thorns and it hurts as if these thorns have pierced my heart, deep and all simultaneously. OUCH! But you know, the most comforting thing is that Jesus knows it all. He hears all the prayers. He keeps them all so close to His heart. And yes, we all do not deserve it. And this all, brings joy to my soul. Because in a fallen world, God shows us the true meaning of love, of hope, of joy. And I am very overwhelmed.

Thank You for being such a God. Such love. Such grace. Such mercy.

Thank you, girl, for calling and just checking on me. I know how much God loves me when HE sends people like you into my life! Thanks Yan.

Lord, thank You!!

Life is so full of pleasure isn’t it? And I’m brought back to the parable of the sower in Luke 8:4-15. And of course my mind went immediately to the seeds that fell on the thorns and it was chocked by the thorns. Jesus explained the parable and said that “the ones that fell among thorns are those who when they have heard, go out and are chocked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity.” Temptation has even begun even before I start work. For goodness sake, I’m still studying!

I guess the thought of graduation brings me to think about my dreams – what I want to build. And then I catch myself day-dreaming! And suddenly, where’s God in all this? What happened to ministry? What happened to discipleship? What happened to outreach? What happened to the desire of wanting to be a missionary? I catch myself off-guard.

Guard my heart O Lord….Jee Lee, don’t forget your commitments, your vows!!

On to other matters, I don’t want to graduate! I love studying – especially when you have such wonderful lecturers like Dr. Ooi. Only into my 3^rd week of school but Dr.Ooi has made class so enjoyable that I don’t ever want to graduate from his class. And it is now that most of my previous EL lecturers are like friends and I’m leaving. Gosh. It’s sad. It’s difficult to foster such friendships with lecturers in NUS, given the fact that lecturers seldom take time to build friendships with students and vice versa. If I do my 4^th year, I’d cry when I leave NUS.

The semester has already gone into it’s 3^rd week and I’m still stuck with no one to reach out to now. Well, not totally none just that it’s like I’ve lost all motivation to reach out to ppl whom I’m not very in touch with anyway. So, I’ve just been thinking about it and praying that God may just get me started and going and bring people to me. And HE has!

Last week, I bumped into my old contact whom I’ve not kept in touch with. It was cool! I started thinking more about my other contact too. I’ve started to meet another girl more regularly. And today, a girl from a class came up to me and she basically told me 2 things. (1) She’s a Christian (2) We have a mutual friend. It would have been a normal thing but it wasn’t because this mutual friend we have is a girl I’ve been trying to reach out to. And I found out (from talking to my friend) that this girl (who approached me) is a close friend of our mutual friend and she’s a preachy girl too! Yay!! I see this as an answered prayer. A close friend is now coming into the picture. Wow. That’s exciting news for me. I’ve not told Ade yet. But Ade, if you read this before we meet, it’s good news!!!

And well, life is so exciting!!!! God is so good. Thank HIM really!!! REALLY!!!!

And here's a song that I'm singing:

You are God in heaven
And here am I on earth
So I'll let my words be few
Jesus, I am so in love with You

And I'll stand in awe of You, Jesus

Yes, I'll stand in awe of You
And I'll let my words be few
Jesus, I am so in love with You

The simplest of all love songs
I want to bring to You
So I'll let my words be few
Jesus, I am so in love with You

Till death...

I used to say that I'm not afraid of death. I've been thinking of that more these days and I guess, I've come to realise that I love life and I am afraid/don't want to die yet. Meeting my Lord will surpass everything else but I guess yeah, I do love life, despite all the pain. That it feels wrong to die at this age. I know to die is gain but I don't want to see death as some way of escape too. I don't want to make seeing my Lord as something I would want just because I can't have other things in life.

I truly want to see my Lord, meet HIM and be in His presence all the time.

Still, I guess, I am enjoying life - the roses and the thorns. And because I feel so unready to die, I guess, I get scared when I think about death. And more than that, I feel so sorry to those I will leave behind - loved ones yes, but most of all my family.

It's a scary thought. I feel sinful feeling the way I do. I feel sad.

We take things too easily until we realise when we're losing it, don't we?

Blessed I am

This is long overdue but better late than never! Hehe! I was just reflecting a few days ago about how much God has provided for me while in Singapore and among all the things I reflected on, the one thing that I realised was that, God provided fun friends!! I’m talking about my friends in the English Language Dept. It all started in Semester 1 of our second year and we slowly got to know one another and in semester two, we got to know each other much better. And it was in semester two (I think) that my friendship with Ade grew much more and to a higher “calling”. In semester two too, that I got to know Val much better too, not forgetting Sara too. Oh they are such a blessing! Of course, Janice and Michelle has been there since the very beginning of our journey in the dept. haha.

Ade’s birthday was a few weeks ago but we celebrated it for her. And it was so much fun! My gosh. We just sat and ate and chatted and oh gosh, we laughed our heads off at so many things. It was so fun. And really, I just felt so blessed. I can count on these girls to do fun things man. The few of us are already talking about where we wanna go after we graduate la…as in, not work but for vacation…Ah, truly so blessed with friends such as them!!! :) :)

CARLS' JR. is the place where we
feasted. Gosh. IT's so humongous!!!


















Vivo City, the apparently biggest shopping centre in Singapore, has a Crocs outlet!! The shoes are so ugly, it so strange to walk into a shop filled with ugly looking shoes. Yet, there are cute ones like those in the next picture ! They are kids boots. Like Phua Chu Kang's!!

I have failed

Lately I've been feeling like I have been disappointing my leader, my God. I feel like God's not pleased with me - I probably feel no one is quite pleased with me. But, I'm not stuck with self-pity. I just feel there's so much to move forward and that there's so much more room for improvement. I cannot give up. I must persevere.

Today, Bernard mentioned something that really taught me something. I have been silently wishing that in someway, emotions could be switch on and off for various purposes. Many times I wish for it to be switched off but lately I've also began to realise that inasmuch as I am extremely emotional, I've begun to be quite detached from my own feelings. It is scary that I can switch emotions relatively easy. That once I have decided not to let something bother me, it almost leaves me so soon that until someone brings it up, I would feel like I've lost it almost completely. It's scary. Yeah.

Watching Apocalypto made me also see how powerful emotions can be. How it drives people. And power always comes with the good and the bad and it is our responsibility to see how we use power responsibly. (Also how the love of a man towards his woman motivated him to persevere through trials…). Nevertheless, for me the lesson today would be about how much I have to a certain extent lost touch with my emotions and how that was the consequence of me thinking that it would be better for me if I wasn't so feeling. And again, back to the lesson of perseverance.

Trials didn't come my way so that I will learn to work without having emotions control me by shutting off that part of me. I should have learnt harder to know that as pain as the thorns can be, God is my comforter, God wants the thorns there to teach me endurance, God wants me to learn. And not be cold-hearted.

If emotions do not drive me, I do not know what can….because love is an emotion, compassion is an emotion. (It is more than just emotions) But, if I stop myself from my emotions, I more-or-less, have lost the meaning of what it is to be human. I have lost what it means to be a child of my God.

Who says what?

Oh I like this picture.

It speaks volumes bout how I feel. And I'm listening to Jon Bon Jovi's "Who Says You Can't Go Home?" Not exactly the right song to listen to. haha.

But you know, despite the sadness, there's this part in me that's really excited too. Because tomorrow, there will be a GC meeting. And yes, Jiaying is right. Seldom do I say I am excited that the GC is meeting. Tomorrow I will see people like James, Liren, Noel, Edgar, Jason, Felicia....whom i've not met for awhile. Ah, how I miss them.

A little excited that school is starting tmr. It'll be fun. :) Better than sitting at home, doing nothing. Last semester starting tmr officially. Coolness.

And....

Happy 40th Birthday, Life Chapel!!!

I've missed two AGMs already. But, this year is even more special and I really wanted to be back home for it but i can't. But thanks to Ah Soon, i've gotten pictures. And you know why this year is so special? Here's why:
It's a small little vine planted in the compound of Life Chapel to commemorate our 40th birthday and God's faithfulness. Can't wait to see it for myself. :)

Oh, and here's another reason why I can't wait to be back in KL too:

Eye On Malaysia is up and running! Such a beautiful sight ain't it?

The time is now. The place is Malaysia.

Beautiful.

Pictures and summary

The pictures are here!

Of Putting up Christmas Tree in the Lee’s house. Of course, watching ‘The Night Before Christmas’ too. My phone camera only 2MP so please pardon the bad picture quality. Too bad none of us brought our camera along.

Of glorious Siew Yuk. Restaurant Kokok.

Of Christmas night. Our annual event. The gang hanging out first in Centrepoint MacDonalds and then at the Leong’s but minus the Yees. I enjoyed myself with them.Talking nonsense. And of course, the day Samuel got his nick name. He’s now “Bad Colour Samuel” in my phone.But Sam, you know we all love you just the way you are!

Of having brunch and sending off the USMers. And a bunch of university students, who were supposedly mature people, being super fascinated with flies mating.

New year's eve's eve, me and Josh were out just to get stuffs and talk. Since 1U don't extend their opening hours, we had to go to MacDonalds Centrepoint again.

On 31^st Dec, with the USMers were in Penang and the Yees in land of the bombed (aka Thailand), the only ones left were yours truly, Joshua, Samuel, and Yueen San. And since Yueen San had relatives from Hong Kong in KL, she couldn’t spend the day with us but instead had to go layan her relatives who only speak Cantonese. If you know how fluent San is in Cantonese, you’d understand how much they'd enjoyed each other’s company. hehe. So, Joshua, Samuel and I were left to do things on our own. We wanted to have lunch together. Samuel wanted to get wallet. Joshua didn’t want to go to places like 1U which will be packed. So, we all went to Amcorp Mall. The flea market wasn’t around so Amcorp was very empty. Then, we put on our thinking caps and thought of watching a movie since we’d be back in uni soon and won’t have opportunity to watch a movie anytime soon. And since all the hype over ‘Night at the Museum’, we decided to watch it at Smiles Theatre at Amcorp Mall.

So, we got up to the third floor. Went to the ticket counters and realise there was no one at the counter. So, we desperados stood there for about 15 minutes calling nobody in particular but hoping that someone will attend to us. A man came out, apologized and gave us our tickets and this is how our tickets looked like. Yes, old school. Tear yourself. Chop date. Tickets with serial number.

We rushed through our lunch, which was of course the Prosperity Burger in MacDonalds. Got into the cinema late. No one to tear our tickets. How cool is that? Haha. Next best thing was this: It’s free seating! Oh gosh. Sam was kind enough to allow me to drive Joan back to church. And from there, we went our separate ways.

At night, there was VBS Thanksgiving. Oh, watching all the videos was so fun. The kids are so cute! Teaching them brings so much joy. Wished I was part of VBS. Ah,the dance was so cool and funny.

Then there was Watchnight Service in church. It was good. Got a specific word from God and a good time just reflecting and thanking God for what has happened over the past year. God’s grace, love and faithfulness truly surpass my understanding. After which, I drove Joan to Sam’s house and we then picked Joshua and Yueen San and headed to Asia Café in Subang for our mamak. Of course, this year we break our tradition of drinking and eating at Lotus. It was good meeting Chuen and Kat too.

That’s about it.

There’s no picture for this one, but I met up with Jon on the 2^nd of Jan. It was good meeting him because friendships are hard to keep and now it’s a challenge to keep the friendship going knowing that there’s no other thing that would draw us together other than our position in Christ. But, friends that I treasure, like Jon, are always a gift from God.

So the night of 2^nd January, Weng Yan, Yueen San, Joshua and I met up. It was going to be our last night out before Yanni, Josh and I go back to uni. So, we went to Giant in Kelana Jaya to shop for Yanni and Joshua’s things for uni. And then we wanted to go for a drink but thought it a better
idea if we just hang out in Yanni’s house. But as we were on our way to her house, the playground in her neighbourhood attracted us. So, like kids, we ran for the swings, played on the slides, some tried the see-saw. It was really nice. We shouted our hearts out as we were feeling depressed needing to go back to uni. Yanni and I had stresses in our hearts over the coming semester and the challenges that are ahead of us. But, it was a good way to relieve stress man. We had a really really good time. Joshua finally learnt how to swing really high. Haha. We spent our last hour in the playground taking pictures. Oh how thick-skinned we are! Hehe.

For all the good times we have had, I wish I was with you guys and that holiday never ends. But, I can’t.
For all the arguments and misunderstanding and pressing each other’s wrong button, I cherish it because through it, ties are strengthened, we get to know ourselves better, we get to know one another better.

Whatever it is, I thank God for you guys. Because friends, as cliché it might sound, are gifts from God.

Sometimes, I get sad by the fact that we’re drifting apart but I realise that no matter how far apart we are physically, you guys are always near my heart. Cheesy yes! But it is the very thoughts in my mind and heart. Because if I laugh with you and for you, if I cry with you and for you, then I know you mean a lot to me still….

I'm ready to go. Am I?

I'm leaving soon and although it's just Singapore, there's a great amount of hesitance.

The way I feel when I'm home. When I spend time with friends doing the stupidest of things and laughing at each other. When I spend time with family doing the things each other love and stabbing each other with nonsensical stuffs and doing nothing. These things I will miss the most.

Yeah, I've gotten use to Singapore but I'll never get use to missing home and how much I wish I was home, at comfort all the time. It's sad la. And i'm even more sad after the time we had yesterday and just recalling all the things that has happened throughout the whole month. Too much has happened to pen it all down or rather, blog it all. But, i guess, memories will always be memories.

All good things must come to an end. And so, my time at home has ended.

There's so much uncertainties in the things ahead and I wonder does everyone who goes through their last semester in uni feels the same way. But the thought scares me so much. It adds to the reluctance of going back to Singapore. But, at the end of the day, I know what needs to be done should be done. The fact of life is that I have to go back to Singapore. Life goes on. Time can't freeze. Only memories can. And even that, we can't be sure it will always be that way.

So much to see. So much will happen. I feel so unready for the future. And I've never felt so scared and so vulnerable before. So afraid.

But, above all this, I have to remember that I'm not alone and that there is a God who loves me beyond what I think or feel. And that God has promised to never leave me nor forsake me.

I wish with all my heart that God be close with me because that is what I really really need right now.

I've gotta go now. Bye Bye peeps.