The heart

Today was a day of good rest and just spending time with God. I contemplated going to a park in the evening, but when I look out my window, it threatened to rain. So, I relented and stayed home instead.

You know, I've been strangely poetic these few days. I don't know why. Hmmm….

Last paper coming soon, and I'm half way into my holiday mood already. Sigh. This happens every semester because usually, I have a pretty long break between my 2nd last paper and my last paper. So, I go for a short break before resuming my mugger mood for my last paper but alas, with less enthusiasm. I must remind myself to not let down my guards - must remember that this last paper is also an offering to God and therefore, I should give in my 100%. No less.

I often go into a mood where I want solitary. Inasmuch as I am quite a people person and I'm sociable and all that, I find myself increasingly becoming introverted. I then find myself wanting to keep things to myself and even wishing that people do not ask. Or if you ask, you shall not expect me to tell you. Not the best of attitude right?! Sigh. I know. I was just reading "Waking the Dead" by John Eldredge. And one of the points he made about being fully alive in Christ was to have a group of people whom I find fellowship with and I realised that inasmuch as I (think) already have such a group of friends, I realise too that I am not open to widening my circle of such a community. Maybe because I don't see anyone else with whom I am comfortable with or maybe I see that they rather have their own community elsewhere. It's not easy. It's not easy for me to get comfortable with people - to the extent that I would pour out my life to you. It's really not easy. But, I shall try even though it's not easy. One thing that really keeps me from opening up is when I feel all you want to do is to help me. But, what I really want is that you love me and then help flows from there. But I also know that how I feel should not hinder me from opening up to people. Ya.

Fellowship of the heart : 1) A need to have a small group (2) It is available (3) It must be intimate (4) It will be messy (5) Fight for that community

It's something I have to learn. To be vulnerable even to people I am not very comfortable with. Lord, teach me and may I open my heart to be taught.

Proverbs 4:23 - Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Ya….

Above all else…above all else…

Wonderfulness...

Today was beautiful.

Knowing my habit of getting really grumpy if I’m late, I’m pleasantly surprised at my inability to make real my annoying habit when I got up late this morning. And to top it all, I hate it when I’m woken up by noise. This morning, when I woke up I heard people talking outside of my room. If I were at my home, I’d probably have screamed for someone to close the door while they let me rest in peace. (I’d like to think that I’ve out-grown that!)

So, my paper today wasn’t too bad – really! Although my other friends thought it was a killer. I thought it was alrite – doable. I quite like it. Went and post a letter out and then went to Old Chang Kee to grab squid-sticks! Got two – one for Janice and one for me. Did you know that Old Chang Kee has this special sambal? It’s fantastic. Goes superbly well with squid-sticks!

And then, I decided to have laksa. Woohoo….it’s awesomeness man!! Then Janice tried to show me how to roll noodles with a chopstick – using Adrian’s bowl of noodles. Haha…It was hilarious because she couldn’t do it and she was blaming the shortness of the noodles.

Why do I study in the canteen? Well, I study there because I know Janice would like to get out of her room to study but she doesn’t want to study alone and her favourite place of study is in the canteen. So, to accommodate her, I study in the canteen with her too. In the afternoon, it got too super warm. Because Dee was there, I left them and headed to the library! I need air-conditioning!!! After getting comfortable, I decide to get back to no-comfort-zone. And I asked God for a cooling temperature. It rained after that! Awesomeness again!!

Study and study and study and was super indecisive about going for prayer meeting (Janice was gonna leave for cell group meeting. So, inanycase, I’d be alone). In the most usual case, I would go for prayer meeting. But, I have not finish my note-making yet. So, I couldn’t decide - especially when I have the exam tomorrow. I decided in the end not to go for the prayer meeting. You know what happened?

I showed Matthew and Adrian the picture I took – a red cloud!

The Red Cloud
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It was so nice…And then one of them (I can’t remember who) exclaimed “Look!!! (while pointing to the sky)” And then all of us “Waaah” and we all ran out to get a picture! I manage to capture a nice picture of it. The sky was red!! It was sooo nice.

God's wonderful handiwork.
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Sun setting? Not really. But, a nice colour. And then you know what happened? It was probably one of the most awesome and romantic thing that happened. Adrian and Matthew started to sing worship songs. I joined them when I was familiar with the songs they were singing. If not, I was just enjoying the surround system of two wonderful brother’s beautiful voices!! while worshipping God for the beauty and the awesomeness of His handiworks!!! We just stood there for super long and just watched the sky change colour and it was marvellous – seeing colour change and seeing clouds move and lightning. Coolness man!!

We all just didn’t feel like going back to studying after that. But, ALAS, we have to. So, Matt went back to the library to study while Adrian joined me to study in the canteen. Yeah rite, study!!! We had a good time laughing at each other and laughing at one of his classmates for preparing a set of notes with super funny English sentences. It was so super funny la. So funny that Adrian and I didn’t quite understand the notes. So, he had to ask me to read it slowly and try to understand it and then explain it to him. But funniness man! After all the nonsense that we were doing, we decided to get back to studying if we want to go home early! Haha…so, we studied. And then when I was done, we sat down and started talking about Ray Boltz’s Watch the Lamb…I’ll never forget the song. So, we were cracking our heads trying to recall the lyrics of the song. This whole Ray Boltz conversation started when Adrian started singing a Ray Boltz’s song. It was a superb song! Superb!!

A good day right?

It was good…It was great.

And well, just for the eyes to marvel at God's awesome handiwork, here's another pic taken from Arts Canteen. Hmm...looks like Arts Canteen is really starting to have lots of bitter sweet memories.....esp with all these pics...

Look at the clouds....Loveliness
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How great is He...

My back was breaking and so I decided to leave my seat.
Got the thing and stared at it in disbelief.
All who saw it couldn't believe their eyes either.

I went straight to Adrian.
He stared at it in disbelief.
Sida looked at it and also stared at it in disbelief.

Adrian looked at me and soothed away the discomfort.
Sida looked at me and tried to relieve the discomfort too.
(Although I must say that I wasn't exactly feeling so bad…My sianz look was probably attributed to my not-wanting to study.)

Everyone who looked at it, stared in disbelief.

As Clement was looking at it, I bowed my head and I just wanted to hear God speak.

God comforted me. "Yes, it is my fault but this happened to teach me something"
There was a sense of comfort, a sense of thankfulness, a sense of peace, a sense of hope. I can't really describe it. But, I felt it.

Clement joined me as I sang "How great is our God"…
So did Adrian.

God is good.

I've gotten it wrong - it's not about me.

Today was quite unpleasant. Truthfully, it's not just today. It's probably accumulated.

I stayed back in school to study until about 2am yesterday - in an attempt to study with about half of my mind on some other issue. Well, I manage to understand one very tedious reading and it's with great importance that I master the theories.

Having slept very late last night (or rightly, very early this morning), I found myself quite tired the whole day today. Tried to take a nap in school today but was very rudely woken up, which got me rather annoyed. In my desperation to finish my revision for the medicine module, I came home early to study. I thought Ade's facial expression engraved surprise-ation when I told her I'm going back early to study - having told her (and it's true) that I can't study in my room. THAT is why I stay in school to study till very late. Though desperate to finish my revision, I was still very tempted to just lay in bed for a while - take a nap - and then get up again to study. Fearing that the nap might just end up with me waking up the next morning, I refuse to fall into temptation. So, I hereby gladly say that I manage to finish my first round of revision for my papers this coming Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Second round starts tomorrow. Thank you Lord.

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I wrote this in my journal yesterday.

Sometimes I look around me,
And though things might seem bleak,
I know it isn't.

There will always be this voice,
In me, calling out to me,
"Don't worry. There's hope!"

And when I heed that voice,
And turn my head around to look,
I know that
Yes, all WILL be beautiful!

I don't know when,
I don't know how,
But I know it WILL.

It's so easy to look at situations, circumstances
And say the world is doomed,
Or worst still, "I am doomed".

I now see why Jesus said, "fix your eyes on things above and not on things below".
It is when you do just that,
That you see Jesus is really our hope.

Jesus, be the centre!

I don't know whether this is an "invitation" from God to start hoping again. Because when I began the day, my focus was also drawn to how Hope is not lost. In the afternoon, I wrote the above attempt on my part to be somehow poetic. In the night, a verse was given to me Heb 10:23. Now that I'm laying it all down here, maybe it is. But, I'm not very sure. My inability to trust whatever it might be surfaces because of my tendencies to escape and brush everything off and to generally take the easier way out.

I am unsure.

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I am not brave enough.
I am rebellious.
I am afraid.

I want to turn.
I want to change.
I want to not stay this way.

God, forgive me…..
For my stubbornness
For my rebellion
For my untrusting heart
For my hopelessness
For my unfaithfulness
For my unwillingness to surrender
For my unbelief
For my making it all about me.

God hears it all....

In my previous post I asked for raindrops to fall incessantly. When I wrote that, silently in my heart, I said "God let it rain at night so I can dance under it and be so immersed by it" and so by saying that, I also kinda indicated "Lord, don't let it rain in the day time".

And guess what?? It didn't rain the entire day today!!

Bad day to study in the canteen. But, somehow I decided to do just that. And I was sweating like a horse! Then, it struck me - Jee Lee, you asked for it!!! Waaah...God heard...He remembered...He held back the rain because I asked for it! God, you amaze me!

Like I said in the previous post, I am heartbroken. Guess what? God spoke right to me about it!

Psalm 34
v4 - I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.
v7 - The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear You.
v9 - Fear the Lord, you His saints, for those who fear Him lack nothing.
v18 - The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
v19 - A righteous man may have many troubles, but the lord delivers him from them all...

From these few verses, 2 things struck me :
(1) God loves me & He hears me.
(2) He will not only save me, He will deliver me!!

You know...as I sat down there and wonder when it will rain, I heard God say "It won't rain. You find comfort in rain - rain makes you happy. But I want it to be sufficient for you to know that My love for you covers it all. I want you to find joy and comfort in knowing that I love you" And you know what?? Yes!! God's love emcompasses everything!!

I feel so totally lifted off my burdens...

Truly, God loves us so much....sooo much..... :) :) :)
For those who think "no hope la", Jesus is your hope!!!

and recently, as I listen to Juwita Suwito's cd - one song is in my head - I am learning to understand what she means.....

I'll put up the lyrics....may you meditate on it and see whether u understand it or not...

:)

Only In The Dark

The raindrops fall incessantly
Each time I think the sky's letting up
There seems to be another cloud
Bringing the dark, coming right at me

So often I can't see the road ahead
The blinding headlights loom then go out again
But suddenly I find that I don't need to strife
And I realise I am rising, I'm flying and...

Only in the dark when I can't seem to see
I learn to hear Your whisper that's been guiding me
Reach out for the hand that bears the light
so my step is right
only in the dark

Now each day's a step that's lighted up
and the questions asked won't make me stop
cause I know no matter how I feel
That's this is real
And i'm slowly getting to a place where it's not....

So let the shadows come and let me run into Your arms
Where I can feel the warmth of your touch - unmistakable
Leading me on, loving me on, turning me on
Though now it seems to be that....

Yes, It will be beautiful

I've been rather distracted the past two days and I sure hope this won't last - the kinda distraction I can't stand, which is distraction from within.

It's humbling though, to see that even in my pain, God is using me. AND I must admit that sometimes the selfish side of me aches me.

Many a times I wish I could pour it all out to someone - but when those time comes, something will stop me. I know why. I am fine. I am well. I am good.

I want the raindrops to fall incessantly. I want to play in the rain. I really do.

I just want everything to be beautiful. Although it aches now, but to see God's hand at work in making different situations and things and people beautiful, I am awed. Because when I see and give up all possible hope, and then light shines through the cloud of darkness and I see the flower blooming, then I can only declare, "Truly God is working. For who can open the flower from inside but God?" God will continue to work to make things beautiful.

I found it!!!

Just a few weeks ago when I was speaking to a few fellow Navigators, we exclaimed that Christian song-makers should really produce cheap cds. Guess what? Opps-Asia produces cheap CDs. Of course cheap CDs also mean that they are locals. But, still!!!!! How many local producers make their CDs cheap?! The fact I am praising Opps-Asia means I found Juwita Suwito's CD - Brand New World. YAY!!! :) :) Go and get it! It's nice. It's pleasant. The songs are very real - A very human Christian: With all the struggles and pain and not denying the difficulty of life but not forgetting to recognize God's promises and His faithfulness. Well, it's not all flowery and fun. It has its sets of thorns but nonetheless, the beauty of it is shared. :)

And I've watched our very proud Malaysian producer, Yasmin Ahmad's latest movie -

G U B R A.

I enjoy her movies - heartwarming, thought-provoking, artsy. :) Sepet was good. Gubra is better. And so what have I found this time? I found Yasmin's blog. Here's a little what I've gotten from her blog.

Gubra is colloquial Malay for Anxiety.
The Jawi writting in the beginning of the show means : In the name of God, the most loving, the most compassionate - a quote from the Quran.
Gubra is not just a love story. It is also a meditation on what it means to love, to live and to have faith.

And this is what Yasmin herself said her intention for the movie was in February 2005 :
"Gubra" is intended to examine one common phenomenon: The simple everyday fact that when we experience betrayal, it is more often than not committed unto us by people who love us; not people who hate us.
I guess in the end, "Gubra" will be about love (because, as John Cassavetes once said, "nothing else interests me"), it will be about betrayal, and in the end, the difficult but inevitable question of whether or not to forgive the people who betray us.

My say: Go and watch it and don't watch it when you're sleepy. You've gotta be alert to catch all the issues being put up subtly. It's got a lot said in there about what people call "moral" issues and of course the one thing that makes Yasmin Ahmad's movies great - the (blatant) truth about being Malaysian.
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When you smile it feels so right.
Do I deny what's inside?

If I had wings I would fly.
Lifting my soul to the skies.
If I had nine lives to live - wish I had you to be with.
If I could make dreams come true.
Of all the things i would do
I know I would be wishing for you.

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I love.

Reminded

Back home for the Good Friday & Easter break. It’s different you know.

I was feeling lazy on Friday. Not getting enough rest and feeling tired for the past one month (at least) gave me enough reason to just stay back home and sleep. But, I was looking forward to meeting Weng Yan, Josh and Sam. We were suppose to have lunch together. Josh picked me up at 1135 and we rushed to the Curve for lunch. Got ourselves filled to the brim and not wanting to trouble Josh to send me home, I decided to go to Weng Yan’s house to do some school work – I had one more project to complete. It was fun studying together. It’s been so long since we studied together. (“,)

As I walked through the main door of the church hall, it felt nice to be home. As I sang, listened to scriptures being read, and prayed, I was overwhelmed by the love Jesus and our Father in Heaven have for me and my own sin that Jesus bore on the cross.

Sunday came and it was time for sunrise service! Which means that I need to get up by 0630.Got up late but wasn’t late for church. It’s really nice to go to church when the sun is not completely up yet. To get a glimpse of how it would be like for the women who went to the tomb where Jesus was laid and be so pleasantly surprised that He is no longer in the tomb.

As I sat in church and worshipped, the thought of “what if Jesus never rose from the dead” kept coming to mind and I could not think of a single good thing that might have happened. Instead, I would dread it - Living in a world without a living saviour.

Deny myself – I’m reminding myself that.

Matthew 6:33 is in my head too.

Thank You Lord for not allowing Satan to triumph in your death but rising in victory when You rose from the dead and for including me in your plan and in your heart. (“,)

Fellowship Teaching

FT encouraged me again about my desired outreach to that bunch of very special people. To cross boundaries and to do it together. Speaker taught us 2 Tim 2:2. As a navigator, I'm ashamed to say that I don't know that verse by heart - coz it's sort of one of our main verses for net-fishing and discipleship. But another thing that the speaker kept on mentioning that definitely had an impact on me was when he kept saying " I pray that 5-10 years down the road, may you still be on fire for the Lord." Yes!! That's my prayer - that no matter what happens, even if mountains come tumbling down, I will not only NOT abandon my faith, but that my fire and passion for God and His word and His people will burn ever so fiercely and never ever die!
And nothing is too small for God to consider that as service. :)

One thing I always pray for is that: may i live my life deliberately and intentionally remembering that it is an act of worship to God - and I pray that as I live my life as a spiritual act of worship and sacrifice, may He be pleased. :)

And I pray that whatever may come, I will always always remember that.

I was also just reading a friend's blog and one thing came to mind - love is not us loving God but that God first loved us. How often we think, "I love God".... And we do not stop to enjoy God saying "I love You" and we forget about the sacrifice on Golgotha - we forgot it took a Holy God to sacrifice HIMSELF for us - for us, wretched people, ungrateful people, sinful people.

God recently has been reminding me, time and time again, about HIS holiness and righteousness. God, may I never ever ever overlook that and forget that.

Have a blessed Good Friday and Easter. Jesus died and rose again, Amen??!!! AMEN....

Thoughts to ponder over

I read this in the Time :

When Lady Nancy Astor - the first woman member of Britain's House of Commons - told Winston Churchill during a fierce debate, "If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee," Churchill replied, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

I'd leave you with it to ponder about it and maybe do some reflection. :)

Listen and love...

I'm now talking to a friend on msn and for the first time, I've decided not to talk about myself. :)
But, I must admit that I've loads in my mind now....Yet at the same time, doing this teaches me to really deny myself. I don't know. This is something new. In every conversations that I've had, I have this stupid tendency to talk about myself and that stops me from being a good listener. And so, even though I'm having mix feelings and thoughts right now, I'm not speaking it to anyone. And honestly, it can be quite torturous but I want to be a good listener! And it's good to be finally trying it! :) :)

The past few days, i've been rather tired but there's been lotsa things on my mind - one about nav, two about my outreach, three about home, four about him.

God has been very good lately. But, I'm rather confused. Maybe because my will and His are working in opposition. :(

There's just too much that reminds me of him.

I called two persons today to wish them happy birthday and these two person are really people who matters a lot to me. I miss them and I wish I was there to celebrate their birthday with them. :) My best friend, Yee Weng Yan has just turned 22; My dearest sister, Lye Jee Leng turns 17 tomorrow. I love you both very much.

And I miss my family. I was just speaking to Rong Long the other day...the many of you who live so near home, please treasure it! It'll be such a precious thing for me and you have no idea how much I'd give up to come home everyday to my family - to the people who know me inside-out; to the people who've seen me through it all; to the people who will love me no matter what happens; to the people who will scold me and get angry with me but at the end of the day, still have me in their hearts. I love them too much.

I'm going off to sleep now.

Grace at work

A boy is impatient to see the flower bloom. So, he peals off the sepal. Then, in despair, he finds the flower broken. :(

Boy: Mommy, mommy, why is it when I open the flower it breaks but when God opens the flower it blooms and becomes so beautiful?
Mommy starts to panic - one of those very profound question.
Boy: Oh, I know!!! It's because God opens the flower from the inside.

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Julia shared that story earlier to illustrate God's grace.

God's grace is God's love at work

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Today isn't the last day of the week. But today is the end to all the super busy week I had. But God has been so good this week. School work, emotional issues, ministry issues, home issues kept me busy and tired - physically and in my spirits too. I'm exhausted. But well, God has kept me going and not only that - he grants me perseverance, He grants me a smile, He grants me friends.... I've got joy, peace that passeth understanding, love of my blessed redeemer!! What more do I ask for?? :) :)

God has been good...He has been!!!!

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Tmr is BK breakfast time!! And also time to start work with my last project!!

May God's grace, love, mercy and compassion sustain us. :) :)

God bless....Have a blessed weekend!

Cheers~

Highlights of the day:

I think I will really miss my EL3254 group mates once we're done with it. Today, Michelle and Adrian just wanted to play with their phones. So, kena la...super a lot of pictures taken. Sigh! Super obvious we're not paying attention. Aside this, we really do take our studies seriously. Well, we meet every week (almost) to discuss work. We're very serious people! :) But, we really know how to have fun too. But, one thing about this group that I really really like is that we really do care about each other!

Had lunch with Janice and Adrian...We had good food - I really liked it. :) The feeling of sitting together and having a meal - not individual meal but sharing food, somehow (i donno why) makes me feel like it was family dinner. :p

I really miss home. I'm going back soon. But, I really miss home.
You know, it breaks my heart to everytime think that my family is going through unpleasant times without me - making it incomplete. I wish I could always be there for them. But, I know I can't. And you know what sucks about it? When people who know nuts about being away from home talks as if (s)he understands and that being away is no big deal.
I acknowledge : God sent me here to Singapore, I'm pleased here. (Yes, there are things that I'm not comfortable with, nonetheless, pleased.)
But, home is still home. People have to understand that and not use that to think that I will be in anyway, unfaithful to whatever I've gotten myself involved in ; here!
We all learn to cope with missing home and it's something i've to cope with. But, to not allow me to say "I miss home" is a little too extreme because if I don't at all miss home, then I think there's valid reason to be worried.

Anyhow, I manage to finish some work and checked that Arsenal is in the semi-finals!!! Woohoo....... :) :) :) :)

I'm tired.
I was stressed.
I'll be fine.
I'm now going to sleep. :)

Cheers~~

Ever cried because u feel u can't take it anymore?

I want to blog.

But am not in the right mood too.

I shan't.

:'(

I stand firm and proclaim "GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME"

Despite the happenings of the day, I still profess that God is good!

This morning, I woke up feeling as if there's something stuck in my eyes - well, the effect of not having enough rest. Felt super tired and lazy and reluctant to get up. But, I had to. So, I had my QT and suprisingly, the words tat stood out most was " finishing the race and completing the task" and "be on my guard". I felt that that was a warning for me. I felt, today won't be too good a day. So, be on my guard!

I have a presentation at 11am and was suppose to meet my group mates at 10am. I wanted to print out my notes for the presentation. Took my laptop out to be printed, and my comp died on me! It just wouldn't start. Funny blinking lights coming from my comp. My adapter was not detected. Oh no! How now?? Panic!!! A little frustrated. Me and Bev prayed. Nothing happened. I went and mandi. In the bathroom, i asked God, "Why is this happening" God reminded me of the times I prayed for God to "heal" my comp and He did. So, He said, He will too this time, just not now. Oh, so why not now?? I need to calm down. I need to be still. I need to be quiet. Physically maybe I am quiet - but not my heart and mind. So, I need to quieten down first. So, I did that - feeling God's assurance that He will "heal" my laptop. Time came to go for class. I told Bev "It's alrite. I think later should be ok". She then took out my battery (I did that earlier and it didnt work) and slot it in again and it worked!!! Thank You Lord.

So, that was lesson no.1

Then, I had lunch with Viggy. A long lunch I must say. :) Nonetheless, a great one! At the end of it, we were both sitting there proclaiming that God is awesome! And that really means something to me. And to see that God is drawing viggy to Himself and that He is working in Viggy - not giving up on him is really comforting for me. God loves viggy and will continue to work to bring him to Himself! :) It was a good time. God is truly awesome!

Went and helped Jane in her experiment! :) First time speaking to Jeremy's sister. :)

Then, I had to edit an essay that is due tmr. While editting, I felt so stupid. I felt I was stupid. I felt that my parents can no way be proud of me. Infact, i felt they would be embarrased of me. :( That was hard to take. Some incidents took place that cause this feeling but I shall not mention them here. I was trying to cling onto my identity in Christ and not let those things affect me but I was not holding tight enough. Finally, as I was walking home with Gloria, I cried. Embarrasing for me, because I was crying on my way back home. Meaning, all strangers that walked past me would have seen tears flowing down my cheeks. So malufying!!! But, as I told Gloria the way I felt and the happenings, I just couldn't hold back my tears. Came home and continue crying. Cry until eyes also all red edi. :( :( :( But, I know I've let my guards down. I recall what God said in the morning and I knew I have let my guard down. I have not ran well.... I must continue to keep my guards up!!! I'm sorry Lord...But, it was super gracious of God to bring Gloria, Beverly and Lilian to talk to me... :) :) :)

I spoke to David Bok. Malaysian Nav. I've heard about him and wanted to meet him. Lilian told me I could meet him today! Oh my!!! I was soooo happy!!! So, he came over and I spoke to him and he really educated me a lot about outreach to a particular group of people. :) :) :) And he brought a sense of urgency into me!!! Really!!!! And oh, of the many things he impressed me with, one thing was that he got my name spelt out right the FIRST TIME. No ONE!!! NO ONE!!!! has ever gotten it right at first try. Woah.

At the end of the day, God has really been very good. :) :)

And for those who don't know, my aunty, Jin Ai just gave birth to a baby girl...Sarah Yong is her name. She's 3.5 kg! Both mother and child are safe and healthy ( I guess, so is the father!)

Sleeeeepy....

Suddenly, I feel a surge of stress building up in me.

I have 1 presentation, 3 assignments due this week. Is this a killer or what??

Right now, I'm having a super headache. Been having the headache since Bible Study just now. I'm so tired. I can barely stay awake and think. But, I'm now editting some work that my project group mates graciously editted it edi. I need to look at it and edit my part now. But, I'm really very very tired.

Today after prayer meeting, i forgot to mention to exco about the money for the camp stuff. Squatto man!!! Now, other than work (I have another 2 more projects to edit!!!) I have 3 other things bugging me - exco, camp, prayer meeting this friday. I am almost dying edi la....LORD, help me!!!!!!

Actually, I think for tmr's presentation - my group mates have really been putting their all into this la. Yes, we're doing last minute work but they're burning the midnight oil together with me. And for them, I am so thankful to God. Yeah!! :) :) Right now, they have to stay awake to clarify things with me....Yes, to be honest, I am a little frustrated to need to explain so many things to them, but, my fault too la. Not too clear on what I was saying. So, i know. And woah. For them to stay awake to make sure my part gets cleared up, I'm just so...I donno....speechless liaoz.

Nonetheless, stress la.....Don't rush me...please don't. My head cannot take it already.

School work piling up nvm, ministry admin stuff piling up oso nvm....but my PT girls are having problems too....OH NO!!! and I'm still meeting people throughout this week. What's wrong with me ar! So blind to see that I don't really have much time....Summore clever me volunteered to help Jeremy's sister in some research stuff. Honestly, I a bit sianz la. I have so many things on my plate, summore I so nice go and volunteer my help in his sister's research. But, I must go with a willing heart. Lord, please help me cast all my burden on YOU!!!

In fact, I think that because I'm like having this headache and I cant think and I still need to edit and explain stuff to group members, I think I'm a bit defensive at the slightest inclination that my group member is repeating whatever I said earlier on! Sigh...what happened to patience and love? With the headache, I turn to be this selfish person - with patience and love thrown out of the window. sigh! And, I know Serene had class today from 12-6. Worse still. Yet, she's still online trying to piece the whole jigsaw together. NOW, WHY AM I COMPLAINING??? I have no right whatsoever to run out of patience and love. Sigh. Sorry Lord, I am not acting in love again!!! Forgive me....

Pictures put together that makes a video :)

Nothing much to write about today. :)

I watched Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You" video a million times over today. Old stuff, girl! I know!! Haha...But a few things really strike me. I like it when entertainers forget about the look and go all out to bring out the emotions. Honestly, Kelly look really horrible singing when she's close to tears!! And that video, i feel, has a really strong impact. I like it when they put in effort to come out with a good video. :) I'm not saying that this is the best video I've seen but I like it. Seeing that video just brings to mind how many many many of us are so affected by how our parents treated us and the way they treated each other - and I must add, especially how their fathers behave. For me especially, I know I have been very affected by my parents behaviour and actions towards me and towards each other. Even as a girl, I know that my father's words and actions have a deep impact on me too. So, I won't be suprise if guys are affected in a greater extend. But, yeah...brings me to (I can't help it!) - it's important to get a good husband. :) But, I also see the importance for each one of us to recognise parts of us tat are shaped by how our parents treated us, how our mindset is shaped by our parents treatment of one another, etc... And to see that really, the bad things can go and it's not true when we say things like "our parents are like that, so can't help it" or "I was born like this. Too bad!". We can change. We are not bonded to these things....At least, that's how I feel la.

I watched Mariah Carey's "Through the Rain" video too - I know, even older stuff!!! And one thing really hit a chord in me....FYI, in the beginning of the video, the girl turns and shouts to her mother "I hate you" and then leaves......I can't exactly recall whether I have done that to my own mother or not but I know certainly there have been times when I silently said that (I was young!! and not very innocent but definitely stupid). Even if I didn't said it out, I know I have my share of being super rude to my parents. And, I'm so sorry Ma and Pa!!! Really!!! I love you and appreciate you too much to go anywhere near hating you. I love you!!!!!!! :) :) :) And I'm sorry for being a pest at times.

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My good friend, Ms. Yee Weng Yan has decided today that I do not put enough pictures of her onto my blog. Well, she conveniently say that I do not put pictures of "The Life Chapel" gang pictures, when I know that she actually only wants her pictures up! Hah!!!
But I shall not feed her ego too much. So, I shall choose pictures I'm fond of!! :)

At out very own beautiful church porch! :)

THE Life Chapel Gang aka The Beautifuls... :)
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After dinner in Taman Tun Dr. Ismail. After which, I think we went to swensens for EARTHQUAKE.... :)

Just tot this is a nice pic
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Sweet and nice.....THis is probably my only picture with WengLi - alone! :)

Li and me - receptionist at a beloved friend's wedding. :)
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Since Ms.Ng complained Mr.Beautiful appeared twice, here she is again! :) ;p

Shelby is next!!!
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*chiak* :)

Today is an awesome day!!!

I manage to finish the draft for 2 (read: two) projects!! Woohoo!!! What great achievement!! I'm so happy!! Thank You LORD...And, it wasn't all just work. I slept and rested and had a super long dinner too....And right now, I'm home blogging and I feel like it's time for pictures!!!


You see, I really miss home!!!


My beloved Family!! :) Top left: Brother and Sister: Jee Vern and Jee Leng. Top right: Mother and Father. Bottom left: Youngest brother, Jee Aun. Bottom right: Your Highness, ME!!!


I mentioned I had a superb dinner today rite? Well, it really wasn't the food because it was Arts Canteen's food. Instead, it was the company! Jie Yao offered to keep our dinner in his office (ie: the place he had his Industrial Attachment!! And so we went to his office to heat-up our food (instead of eating MCDs every saturday we study in school). We had our dinner at the roof-top!!! It was so awesome. The sharing and the encouragement we got from each other....Woah! It's been a long time since we've had something like this!! :) :) After dinner, it was time to go see the sun set!!! We walked over and well, the sunset wasn't too facinating but the trees facinated me! You know what they say about people who love trees? They say tree lovers are romantics! haha...Anyway, sidetrack edi...The trees were awesome! We were all captured by different beauties and we sang 2 songs. 1) You are beautiful beyond description 2)There is no problem too big... We were singing praise to God and that was waaay beyond awesome la!!!! And we were all really just worshipping God...four of us....and God's wonderful creation!!! And then we all prayed. Praising God..... God is good....I really love it when we spend time doing these kinda thing! I love it! Company was good, sharing was great, worshipping God was awesome!

It was a beautiful time we had!! Thanks to you all... From left: Gloria, me, Jeremy, Jie Yao


The girl on the left is one wacky girl!!! I love her la.....The guy behind us is a crazy, always-sleep-in-class brother-in-Christ. haha.....He's awesome too. I appreciate them both a lot!!

During lecture oso wanna take pictures...So naughty! Michelle, Adrian, Me....

This was taken at one of the toilets in Plaza Singapura. IT's so cool la!! U put ur hand inside and then got air blow dry ur hand...woah!! Talk about saving the earth man! BAND tissue!!!

Hand dryer!!! So cool eh.....


I saw this toilet after a seminar i attended. It's so cool la. The toilet is super grand man! But the building is not. It looks like some hotel toilet. But, it definitely was not a hotel!! Remember that Harry Potter scene???

Toilet so cool!! Reminds me so much of Harry Potter!!! Haha...


This girl is one of the many girls I love! :)

Me and beloved Karen.....


So much for random photos!!! But, God has been so tremendously good to me!! Not just today, but the many days of my life.... :) :)